Granny getting a dog, Ds terrified - tips?!

[indisguisefordogadvice]

So, tricky situation. My parents live a long way away so we have to stay when we visit and vice versa. My mum has been talking about getting a dog for the past couple of months and each time I have reminded her that ds is scared and when she asked if it would be OK to bring it here I said no.
Anyway, she has now bought a dog and its arriving soon. Its a very small dog - miniature daschund so I guess that may help a bit but DS is literally terrified of dogs so how do I go about introducing him to the idea and actually introducing him in person!
Any tips gratefully received. My mum thinks it will all just be fine and that she could just bring the dog and shut it in our kitchen. She has never had a dog before so we need help!

You don't say how old your DS is, nor how old the dog is. I think it would make a lot of difference.

Thanks RacingSnake, my ds is 4 (and have another one thats 2), the dog is only a few weeks old. Ds has always been afraid of dogs, even small ones, quiet ones etc. I love them although I've never had one so no real experience.

Your Mum could send some photos with letters from the puppy saying how much he/she is looking forward to meeting him and would he like to be his/her friend etc on a regular basis.
When they do meet, I'd advise keeping the puppy behind a gate or in its crate, then after a while let the puppy out but keep it on a lead so your son can keep his distance if he wants to.

Also keep in mind that puppies have sharp teeth and aren't afraid to use them! (best not to mention that to your son! ;))
I'd recommend reading Ian Dunbars book,'After you get your puppy' for tips on teaching bite inhibition (or look on DOGSTARDAILY.COM)

It would be great if your son could get over his fear, if you take it steady and don't force the issue, I'm sure that could happen.

It can be done,my friend aged 32 was petrified of dogs and I mean petrified,she quite literally wetting herself with fear.

We got a dog.

She couldnt come in our house she was too scared.

Because our dog is a lovely well trained dog we knew we could help her....initially she came to visit and just went in the kitchen with me,now she can sit in the same room and pat him pccasionally.

Shes never going to be entirely comfortable around all dogs but little by little she is getting better.....she can hold my dog on a lead now too.

Her dh was gobsmacked.

Thanks for the tips, I think the photos would be a good idea. Yes, the puppy teeth issue worries me as I have had a kitten and remember being bitten and scratched but the things I've looked at online say early introductions would be better for the puppy to like ds.
Nickschick, that's a great story although I'm nervous as my mum has no experience of training dogs.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, tbh. My youngest DS was terrified of/hated dogs when we got our first since we had him (he was almost a year old) and my niece and nephew were both terrified of dogs because their Mum, my sister is.

With all we just had the dogs around but made sure they didn't bother the children and sat calmly for the children to say hello. My son is now fine with our dogs, he loves them, although still hates most others, andmy niece and nephew get excited to stay because they can see the dogs.

Does your mum have the opportunity to get the dog used to children? Are there any grandchildren nearby?

We have had guest who have been frightened of dogs and by the end of their stay have been giving out dog treats. She is very used to children, having been brought up with them. And she is very gentle, will sit and let the DC pet her.

It is very important that your mum's dog is well socialised.

Can you get a crate and maybe you have baby gates anyway? That way your ds doesn't have to be scared he's going to run into the dog everytime he gets up. This whole thing will probably turn out to be a blessing in disguise and get your ds totally past this fear while he's little.

But... be aware that puppies are worse than adult dogs in a way as then tend to leap around and bite all the time, so I'd really recommend crating and ultra-vigilant supervision.

I have to say that if any of my grandchildren where terrified of dogs there is no way I'd EVER have one. I put children before animals every time.

Ask Mum to bring a crate with her which pup can go to in order to get away from noisy children (and adults!) as well as for night-time and if you go out/need her out of the way whilst vaccuuming etc. Don't shut the pup in the kitchen, it's not fair on the poor mite and sets off on the wrong foot. You want a happy pup, not one crying and scratching at doors, upsetting both herself and DS. Better by far to have a baby gate - pup is reassured that she's not abandoned and DS can watch her from a distance without feeling threatened by her. (Though I do chuckle at the idea of anyone feeling threatened by a dachshund!!)

Suggest that as soon as Mum arrives, before she even enters the house, she puts pup on a lead (assuming that she's had her vax) and takes her for a walk around the block, taking you and DS with her. She can allow DS to "hold" the lead (with one of you holding too of course), praising him for being a big boy for walking the dog, and telling him how much pup enjoys his input. That way the dog is distracted and not leaping at DS as a pup otherwise might, DS feels a sense of responsibility and power, there is no-one feeling under pressure in a contained space. Plus pup may get indoors calmer! Later perhaps DS could give pup her food, so increasing controlled contact and confidence.

I love the idea of photos and a letter about the pup, would never have thought of that. (You can tell I have more ideas about dogs than children, can't you?!).

Tell your son how to understand the dogs body langauge. A wagging tail means he is happy. Panting means he is hot. Putting his bottom in the air means 'play with me'. Ears down means sad. Ears up means he is listening to you.
There is much less to fear for a child if they know what the dog is thinking or feeling.

My mil is totally phobic about dogs. I'll probably kennel ours when she comes to stay (we are very far away so it's not a regular thing), but I do wonder whether I could get her to tolerate him with a step by step approach. A lifelong phobia of dogs is a terrible thing to put up with considering how many dogs one has to walk past in the street every single day. I would see your mum's dachsund as a great opportunity for your ds, and thank my lucky stars she didn't pick a Great Dane!

That's very considerate of you Romanarama, if anyone wants to stay and isn't keen on the dogs, I tell them they'll have to say in a hotel... {grin}

Hi, thanks for all the advice. Lots of really useful stuff and things I would never have thought of so v much appreciated. We live in a small narrow house so no room to have the cage here but think they may have found somewhere for it to stay when they go away so that might be a solution. Yet to organise a date to go up and meet pup but feel like I will be better prepared now. I do agree with those who have said this will be a good thing (if it works out!) but must admit my first feeling was the same as yours hormones!

doh, forgot about the namechange, i wouldn't be a very good spy!