Mil's horrible bloody dog (long)

[fedup1981]

Mil got a puppy last year to cheer her up as she was depressed, and it keeps trying to bite my toddler.

I don't blame the dog because mil is sending it all the wrong messages. Firstly she treats it like a person instead of a dog, it sleeps in her bed, she shares food from her plate with it, indeed the dog is allowed to sit on her lap poised to snap food from her fingers, and when she's had enough she'll put the plate on the floor and let him lick it clean. Revolting. She even lets it lap tea from her cup.

The dog has to come with her everywhere, and if she does leave it for an hour it barks and howls incessantly, and she comes back to piles of dogshit and the dog absolutely hysterical leaping up at everyone shrieking for about five minutes as she consoles it (wrong wrong wrong)

When it wants a walk, it harasses and bites at her arms and face which she thinks is hilarious. She encourages it to bark and chase cats, birds, flies etc

Consequently the animal thinks it's a) top dog, b) allowed to chase and bite things and c) the food on her plate is his.

So when we go to visit, the dog is constantly trying to assert itself over my toddler and I'm constantly on alert and trying to get between ds and the dog. He has bitten his hand once before when ds ran to his grandmother to show her something. I was absolutely LIVID, I grabbed the dog and put straight him in the kitchen behind the puppy gate, which is a practice she has now adopted, after the dog has snapped or bared teeth at my son. It's not really good enough!

After she's put him in the kitchen he just jumps and springs until he gets over the gate and straight back on her lap, and instead of consistently putting the shitty little dog back in she goes "aaw, did you want to come back in?" be good now then" and snuggles him up! Nice reward for his efforts!

I'm a dog lover but obviously I am on my ds's side and I'm wondering how the hell I can phrase it to my mil that she is making this dog dangerous and either she changes HER behaviour towards her dog, or keeps him away from my ds. I think she thinks that if she exposes him to ds enough he'll get used to him. I don't think so!

I keep having visions of the dog biting ds's face, it's scaring me to death. What can I do? What can I say to her? she's usually a reasonable person but she's crazy about this dog, calls him her baby!

Book her a behavourist visit or dog training course as a pressie.
What breed is it?What age?
I have 2 Chihuahuas,we trained them as if they were big dogs so that they wouldnt jump up etc.Lap dogs dont have to be snappy.Mine sleep on the sofa though and my lap but are great with kids.Keep your Ds away until the dog gets some training.

I would buy her a good training book.
But if things don't get better then tell her you won't take ds round until the dog has stopped nipping.

It's unl;ikely you're going to be able to change this. I spent Christmas dinner listening to my mother's dogs crunching bones under the table and pushing their noses away from my sons' plates - I spent last night pushing my father's dogs away from my son's plates and trying to keep them away from the enormous "oh he's just nervous" hound.

Poeple have such blind spots when it comes to these large, carnivorous natural hunters.

I don't actually 6dislike dogs - but they are only dogs. Not people^!

She's not done the dog any favours by treating like this. If I were you I would avoid going to her house. Be honest and tell her why: the dog is untrustworthy with your child.
My mum used to treat her dog in a similar manner and the dog was not amused when DS came along. He used to jump up at my mum when she held the baby and snap at DS's feet. We just explained and didn't go around.

Chillohippi, yes the dog does that too if mil ever picks ds up or if ds goes to give her a hug on the sofa, leaping and snapping and growling at him. God forbid if ds wanders near mil when she has food in her hand, the dog makes ready to bite everytime. Ds even wandered away from his own sandwich for a few seconds the other day, and when he came back to eat it the dog was guarding it and snarled at ds.

She let the dog wander about under the table during christmas dinner, let him sit there drooling watching people eat, which I think is crap for us, but also cruel to the dog.

It's a terrier of some sort, approx 18 months old, maybe a bit less.

Floaty we couldn't afford to book a behaviourist or anything unfortunately, but maybe a book on dog training might be an idea, if mil wouldn't get offended by it. The only disciplining she really does is to hit or threaten it with her walking stick, but there's no point in letting the dog do what it wants 90% of the time, climb all over the sofas and sit higher than you, shit in the house, steal food, growl and snap at people, and then whacking it with a stick SOMETIMES. Consistent rules and punishment (not of the stick hitting variety) is what's needed. But she thinks she knows best.

The trouble with refusing to visit is that she lives a few hours away so we have to go for a few days every few weeks to justify the petrol costs. Dp would be utterly horrified if I suggested we not go, but I think he needs to face up to the reality that ds IS going to get bitten if nothing changes. It's not just me being a bitch, or me disliking dogs. I grew up with them, I think they're great WHEN they're given a bit of training so they know how to behave around people!

It does need to be sorted as soon as possible. I'm having a baby soon, if it bit my newborn I'd bloody kill it.

You need to tell MIL that you are concerned for the safety of the children and she will have to seperate the dog from them when you are there as you cant take the risk. If she wont dont go. I have 3 big dogs who roam the house but they are shut in when we have visitors who dont like dogs or have small children as big dogs, lovely as they are do scare people who are not used to them

Cats are soooo much easier! At least they don't try and take over.

I can't think of any solution but to tell MIL straight that you have serious, justifiable concerns and that in order to maintain a relationship with your DC she needs either to train the dog to behave or to keep him away from your son and baby when he/she is here at ALL times. Perhaps suggest that she talks to a behaviouralist, rescue or somesuch, or posts on a relevent forum to explain to her the consequences of allowing her dog to act as he does and how to prevent/cure it. I've fostered such dogs which have been given to rescue because of behaviour of this kind and know all too well what they can be like. Even with my older, dog-savvy DC who are experienced in having them in the house its bloody hard work to be vigilant and training takes much time, consistancy and patience.

As you might gather I'm a dog lover, madly so, and my 2 are spoilt, sleep on beds etc and as they are a GSD and a Lab X they're far bigger than MILs, BUT they do not behave like this. Theres no need FFS! Its perfectly possible to indulge a dog (as some might see it) without allowing him to be threatening, steal food etc.

I don't think that theres much else you can do - clearly you know how to raise a dog yourself and if he were yours you wouldn't have a problem I'm sure. The bottom line is that its MILs house, MILs dog and therefore her rules so all you can do is make it clear the risk, your reasonable requirements for the sake of your DC and that you won't wait for an accident to happen - if she doesn't cooperate all you can do is stay clear.

I must add that imho the bloody silly woman is doing herself and her dog no more favours than she is you or your DC.

Oh and PS, I missed the hitting with a stick part of your post. You may care to remind MIL that this is an act of cruelty and that cruelty to animals is a CRIME.

I think Valhalla has put it all very well really.

IMO it isn't a case of if your ds gets bitten but when, and the bites will almost certainly increase in severity as the dog perceives that it's previous 'warning' bites haven't had the desired effect.

A behavioural consultation would cost between £40 and £80.

If it were me I would steadfastly refuse to go there at all until the situation is resolved. To heck with offending MIL or DH - your primary duty as a mother is to prevent your dc having their face ripped off.

I would either refuse to visit, or insist the dog be shit being a stairate when you are there.

I would imagine that this is simply puppy biting that has never been sorted, but allowed to escalate, mainly as the dog has learned such behaviour gets it what it wants. I have a friend with a pug that is sadly the same. It is extremly annoying and it will take one of her children to be bitten before she realises she's being a twit, quite frankly...

There is no reason your MIL can't allow her dog to sit on her lap, eat from her plate, sleep on her bed etc if that's what she wants to do, but all of that stuff should only be on her say so, not the dogs.