Can anyone suggest how I can overcome my fear of dogs?

[runningmonkey]

Hi,
Not sure if this is really the right section but here goes...

I am incredibly afraid of dogs, mainly because I was attacked by a German Shepherd when playing in a park around age 12. I think its also not helped by the fact that my Mum is also completely afraid of dogs as well so my exposure to them has been to my Aunt's hearing dog, which is v well behaved BUT I am still petrified of it and find any excuse not to be in the same room as it at family functions, etc.

Now I have a 5mo DD and yesterday whilst out with her in the pushchair I got 'warned' by a dog that had obviously escaped from its house - there were raised hackles and growling and it planted itself in the middle of the path that I was trying to walk along. Head was lowered, looking directly at me and tail was not wagging, etc. I couldn't see an owner anywhere.

I shouted which startled the dog, it ran off so I turned around and walked away, very fast, I was in tears by the time I got home. I am still very shaken about it and now very nervous about walking around the area where it happened which is right on my doorstep.

This has made me realise that I don't want my daughter to grow up with the same fears as me. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I could work on overcoming them? Has anyone successfully overcome a fear like this themselves?

I realise I sound like a right wuss, I just don't want this to affect me or my DD anymore.
Thanks

You're not a wuss - I'm a lifelong dog lover and I would have found that experience scary, especially with a baby in a pushchair.

Not the best person to advise, therefore, on how to overcome a fear of dogs (other than the obvious one of lots of exposure to nice ones!) but hopefully someone will be along soon to help

You are not a wuss. I was brought up with dozens and dozens of dogs but still careful with unknown dogs. I am extremely annoyed by owners that do not control their dog and let it run wild. You were right to be concerned about the dog on the path. I would have been just the same and more especally with a chld in a pushchair.

Exposure to good very well behaved dogs is the way to go. DS1 is petrified of dogs especially when they run around him and jump up. If they sit quietly he wil stroke them. On the other hand DS2 loves them and is not frightened at all and not wary enough.

Neither of them have had a bad experience.

Thanks you have both made me feel a bit better. I think I shall have to find someone with a good dog that I can go and visit unfortunately the only dog owner that I know locally has a big 'fang-from-harry-potter' type dog so probably not the best place to start as its almost as tall as me!

ABetaDad that's v interesting about your two sons, suggests there's a bit more to phobias than just exposure to frightening incidents - the scientist in me is now intrigued

i think there is more to phobias, my mum and my sister are petrified of dogs, i on the other hand have always loved them, went off to work with them at 13 (weekends etc) studided them for over 3 years at college. I have also had dogs as an adult and i now have two large dogs and a bussiness all about dogs.

We weren't raised any differently, ad never really had anything to do with dogs apart from one gsd that we saw about 6 times ayear.

Now mice on the other hand! i am a quivering wreck just writing that let seeing one!

You're not a wuss - you sound very brave!

At our puppy class this week, there was a little boy whose mother had brought him along to try to help him get over his fear of dogs. He was curled up on his chair at the side to begin with, just watching, but by the end, was stroking some of the smaller puppies, who were obviously much less threatening than the adult dogs he'd been spooked by before. (NB small dogs don't necessarily equal non-scary: personally, I wouldn't ever take my eyes off a Jack Russell)

Can't decide if it was a 100% good idea: most of the class are cute spaniels, 'Andrex puppies' and my slobberhound, but there's quite a vocal GSD (sorry!) and a bouncy Boxer whose owner is in a total dream world, which might have upset him - it did get a bit barky at times. But maybe you could ask around and find a well-run, safe obedience class, where dogs who've already been obedience trained to a certain level will be there, supervised by the trainer? S/he'd know which dogs were 'safe' to introduce to you and your DD, rather than just randomly letting her meet them in the park.

Good luck - and sorry you've had that bad experience in the past. It drives me mad when people let their dogs ramble and dump all over the place.

morethan that is interesting. If I get a chance I might look into this a bit more (am a biologist by training).

wildfig thanks, that is a really good idea. I'll have a look in the yellow pages.

You did the right thing with the dog you met - talking to them firmly and not running usually work (even if it is scary).

As for your more general problem - do you have any friends with dogs? Can you get to meet them in a safe situation and gradually get used to them. You need to learn that dogs vary hugely from really soft and passive to aggressive. Once you know more dogs you will hopefully be able to read dogs more easily from their body language and know how to react.

Lots of dogs that you may think are being aggressive are probably just lively - but that doesn't stop them being scary if you don't recognise which is which.

Another option would be to contact a local dog training, explain your fear and ask if you can sit in on a few sessions to try and get over it.

Runningmonkey

I was attacked by a GSD when I was 7, and I was terrified of big dogs for a very long time. I would shake and breath fast, cross the street etc whenever I saw that type of dog. I was raised with a dog as well - (she was small though).

My dd started being frightened of dogs due to being frightened by a few dogs (and one dog in the park who swooped in and ate her kinder chocolates )

Our solution was to get a dog!
I know its not the same - I was scared of big dogs, but I still loved dogs, and wanted my kids to grow up with dogs.
It totally cured me of my fears. Bit extreme I know!!!
Have you thought of hypnotherapy? Works quite well with phobias.

I would have found your experience absolutely terrifying though. Very at the dog owner who did not control their dog

i'm another who can't stand nor understand why some owners let their dogs wander into unsuspected people or other dogs.

good advice from previous posters btw.

running, i also think you sound brave the way you reacted. our border collie is energetic and can intimidate small children (he doesn't mean to!). funny, our 2 toddlers who should be used to the noise sometimes cry when george barks loudly at passing dogs. luckily he's used to children but i still am very careful when they're around each other.

i have an arrangement with my friends with toddlers frightened of dogs: when they arrive, i have george on a lead and my friends hold the children until dog has calmed down. i then make george sit and have the kids come round and teach them how to stroke gently. then, I tell them to ignore george if he gets too much, turn their backs on him and be still like a statue if they want him to go away. the children inevitably start playing amongst each other and poor george gets ignored then bored and goes to lie down.

admittedly it takes a few regular visits for the toddlers to become truly comfortable. hopefully you can find someone with a friendly dog who's used to children. try asking at playgroup or similar. if not, please feel free to visit us !

I would have been scared too. My brother was bitten by a German Shepherd when we were children and I've always been very very wary since then. I've had contact with friend's dogs over the years which has helped a lot. And we got a puppy a few weeks ago which I never thought I'd do, I'm much better about other dogs now (not that I am suggesting doing this !). I also get really cross when people let their dogs just wander around, I'm making sure mine is recalled whenever we see someone.

What about contacting Pets As Therapy and see if they can put you contact with an older ploddy dog that you could gradually build up contact with ?

i think it is always best ot be cautious of dogs you do not know. i have a boxer and a cavalier spaniel who can both be excitable if given attention. my ds is 2 and fearless of dogs which concerns me as i try to explain that not all dogs are like ours. #it may be good to ask people with good control off their dog if you or your lo can pet the dog as beleive me not many dog owners appreciate people just coming over ot bother their dog as dogs will get excitable if someone shows them the smallest bit of attention, well most dogs do
i think it is wise to try to prevent you transfereing your fears to your child as having a pet/dog can be really beneficial to children and i personally feel that they can miss out on something special.
i hope that you can overcome your fears and help your little one, though i seem to have transfered my fear of spiders to my ds without realising it!!

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions. I will have a think about who I might know with a dog, and also see if there are any local obedience classes I could go along to... if brave enough!

I don't think that we will ever have a dog ourselves as DH is, shhhh, a cat person and I'm allergic to cats, but we might manage a goldfish or two for DD at some point in the future.

momi if only I lived nearer you

Running - I used to be v similar to you. My mum brought me up to have an innate fear of dogs and up until 5yrs ago, if I was walking down the street towards one, I would cross the road.
What changed for me was that when I met my DH, he had a dog he adored. Fortunately she's a soppy, lazy cocker spaniel. It took months though of me getting to know her, learning to be able to stroke her, walk her, getting her to sit, reading her body language, etc. but I gradually learnt to relax around her. Eventually when DH and I moved in together, she came with him and we got another cocker spaniel as a puppy to keep her company. I'm still (quite rightly) wary of strange dogs but not scared as I was and I love our two so much and wouldn't be without them.

I think you need to find one or two suitably mannered dogs and gradually get to know them with DD. As others have suggested, this could be through friends or a local obedience class. Whereabouts geographically are you? Just incase of a happy coincidence, I'm in Surrey.

My mil is phobic about dogs and dh is a bit nervous of them. The dcs were quite frightened until I started taking them to a horse riding club at the weekends where they quickly got used to animals: the ponies, and about 4 really massive, dopey -stinky- newfoundlands, who are practically as big as the ponies. Now they're a bit too bold really and I have to hold them back from cuddling every passing dog in the street.

We are getting our very own puppy on 29/11

I would utilise your aunts hearing dog as a starter!!!! Go around and really spend time with him get confident around him and then find out about other dogs that friends have that are trained and well behaved, explain to the owners what you want to get out of it and they will help you IYSWIM.

You are NOT a wuss and I just wish more people with a fear of dogs were like you and willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Wise words from the other posters. Certainly do start with your aunt's hearing dog and take it from there. Perhaps other mums might have similar dogs and you could ask to meet them under controlled circumstances. If I knew you lived near me I'd invite you to meet my VERY soppy GSD.

It may comfort you to know that my boyfriend was bitten by 3 different GSDs on 3 seperate occasions in his youth - that was in the day when every hard man had a GSD and they were badly bred. He was understandaly petrified of them but having met my late one, my current one and one of my foster German Shepherd Dogs he is now of the opinion that they aren't all bad or to be feared and trusts/trusted mine because he trusts me. If you too can find a PERSON you trust to keep you safe in the company of your dog you're halfway there. Hence my theory about other mums - if a friend has a nice dog who she trusts with her DC then you might feel reassured.

Good luck and good on you. Now please tell ME how not to impose my fear of water on my own DC!

I have had people come to me with a fear of dogs.

What we have done is to look at dogs from an area where the person feels happy and just look at what the dog is doing and what they dog is communicating.

Once the client is happy to watch the dogs and then start to see if the dog is playing, being aggresive etc we then look at ways to deal with dogs in each situation.
If the dog is aggressive then the best thing to do is to stand still with your arms crossed and not give the dog eye contact.

We practise this with obviously a non aggressive dog and when the client can see that she can change the dogs behaviour (usually the dog will walk away) the fear begins to subside.

I would try this with the hearing dog and see that your behaviour will totally control what the dog will do. Then when you realise this you should feel more in control of the situation and hopefully the fear will go.

Phobias are horrid and I do hope you can find a solution that works for you.

Thanks for the responses, am touched by everyone's kind words and encouragement.

ses Thanks for sharing your story. Will message you as altho I don't live in Surrey we are there quite a lot visiting the ILs... so can always do with a good excuse to escape for a bit

cargirl unfortunately I live on the other side of the country so exposure to hearing dog is only family functions like Christmas, etc. I think that I will try to spend a bit more time with Aunt and Harvey the hearing dog tho next time, rather than leaving the room

Thanks valhalla not in Cambridgeshire are you? No suggestions for water other than family swim lessons??

Thanks for the suggestions minimu I will try this next time I see my Aunt and Harvey.

Runningmonkey, I AM in Cambs!

If you'd like to give me a shout at [email protected] I'll do my best to help. Don't stress please that the email will come up with a male name in it's header, I am a mum, honest! This is my "disposable" email address rather than my usual one, used in situations like this so I can avoid spammers on my usual addy, hence I put any old name when I registered it!

Btw, the Cambs rescue I volunteer for has recently taken in a gorgeous, family-friendly 9 month old Husky who is seeking a home....!

oh Vallhala i wonder if you ar at the rescue centre i got my beatiful lurcher from a few weeks ago?

Wow Vallhala, what are the chances Will email you.