I'm going to have to have our dog put down [sad]. How to handle it with DD?

[TequilaMockinBird]

Found out about 6 weeks ago that our dog has cirrhosis (sp?) of the liver. He had filled up with fluid and had extensive tests/x-rays/scans etc. to determine this. There's obviously nothing that can be done apart from giving him liver tablets and some diuretics to try and slow down the build up of fluid.

I had the fluid drained off at the vets just before I went away on holiday and when I got back 2 weeks later he had filled right up again .

Took him back to the vets when I got back and they said that they could drain him again but that he would only keep filling up with the fluid again.

This last 6 weeks I have spent just short of £1000 on vets fees, tablets, tests etc. (had to borrow the money from a friend because I stupidly didnt have him insured and I couldn't afford it).

He is now very uncomfortable, has trouble lying down and his walking is starting to become affected because of all the excess weight he is carrying. Also, because of the pressure the fluid is putting on his bowel etc, he has constant diarrhoea and is having trouble controlling it - meaning I have to leave him in the kitchen with newspaper down.

So I think the best thing all round is to have him put to sleep . We have had him for about 6 years and DD (11) absolutely dotes on him. He is her best friend and she spends most of her time after school/at weekends etc. walking him, playing with him. She has been to the vets with me and so knows that he wont get any better but will just deteriorate. We have had lots of tears the last couple of days and last night she came to me and said that she'd made a decision and that she thought he should be put to sleep so that my dad (her grandad) could look after him in heaven

So now that we've both made the decision, I'm not sure how to handle it from here. Do I take her with me to the vets when we take him in? Or should I do it when she's at school? Do they just take the dog away or would they give him the injection while we're there?

I'm really worried that DD will go off the rails once the dog has gone. Since I kicked my abusive ex out (who now rarely bothers with DD), her bond with the dog got stronger and took her mind off her daddy not being here

Please help mn'ers

BTW I know exactly what you mean about having to make that appointment. It feels so cold-blooded having a set time for it. But lets be honest any sufffering animal is better off with someone calm and sensible, than someone being sentimental and emotional at at times like that.

Thanks for your support and kind words.

We've decided (DD and I) not to go in with him. I rang the vets and asked what the procedure was, the receptionist said that lots of people don't like to stay and that they will make sure a nurse stays with him while the vet administers the euthanasia drug.

He has been in and out of the vets for the past 6 weeks for various tests, procedures, checks etc. and so 'knows' the nurses anyway. He always wags his tail and his happy when going into the vets so that makes me feel a bit better. Also knowing that one of the nurses who already know him will be sat stroking him while he passes. I decided that I didn't think I was strong enough to do it and I didnt think DD should see it either - if it left her mentally scarred, I would never forgive myself! Also Orm, you're right, the dog would be much better off with somebody calm staying with him rather than me and DD being blubbering wrecks while he goes to sleep!

She has asked if we can have the ashes back and when I asked at the vet, it's only an extra £40 or so for a private cremation and to receive the ashes so I think I'm going to do that for DD. She wants to go and buy a nice little urn to put them in and keep them on her bedroom windowsill.

I'm more for her than anything else, she absolutely dotes on that dog and I don't know what she'll do without him

Oh crikey - I'm sat here in tears thinking about it.

Years and years ago I did work experience with a vet. The saddest thing I ever witnessed was an elderly man whose cat was about to be put to sleep. I was alone with him and the cat whilst the vet got his bits ready and he was in tears saying it was his only companion. He didn't stay in the room whilst it happened, but I stroked that cat and it was calm, no struggles and very quick. Afterwards the man came back in and said he was so sad, but looking at the cat now he knew he'd done the right thing as she looked so peaceful. I can't remember much of those 2 weeks, but that really stuck with me.

Thinking of you.

Oh schilke God that is heartbreaking.

My parent's dog is getting old and I dread the day when he has to go

shilke that is awful

I told DD that story and it's actually made her feel a bit better knowing that their are people out there who literally only have their pet for companionship - I reminded her she has me, schoolfriends etc too

So thank you for that.

Leaving for vets in 5 minutes, then have promised DD a mcdonalds for tea , anything to try and cheer her up a bit!

Best of luck tequila.

Thinking of you - please know you are doing the right thing. Lots of hugs x

Well I'm back and it's done

That has to be one of the worst half hours of my life! DD was fine when we went in, the receptionist took us straight through to the consulting room so that we didnt have to sit in the waiting area. The dog had a bit of a diarrhoea episode in the consulting room which DD was laughing at saying things like 'ha ha thats what he thinks of the vets!', and I thought she was going to be fine!

Until they took his collar and lead off and put one of their own on to take him away, she was hysterical screaming 'No' and the dogs name . I honestly felt like the worst mum in the world - paying for her beloved best friend to be taken away from her

She's cried ever since really, had a mcdonalds and I treat her to a cd she's been wanting for a little while. She's now gone into a neighbours to watch a DVD with neighbours DS while I get rid of dog's bed/toys/food etc

Thank you for your thoughts xx

Im so sorry!

Oh

How awful. How can you be the worst mum? The poor beast was ill and suffering. Poor DD and poor you.

I am such a soppy cow - all weepy now

Well done.

Remember you really did have no choice, yes you could have dragged it out for a bit longer but ultimately there would have been no point.

Hope your DD starts to feel better soon, I guess it's good that she is expressing her feelings so immediately and strongly, though hard for you to cope with, especially as you will feel very sad too. It sounds like you are handling it very sensitively and well.

You may find you have feelings of guilt too if you feel relieved at not having to nurse a sick dog any more, I certainly found that to be true. But hopefully relief that he isn't suffering will start to take over from the sadness soon. xx

aww

i know hugs are frowned upon on Mn - but you need one ((HUGS))

you did the best thing for your dearly beloved pet

hope you and dd get through this together

would you consider getting another dog someday in the future?

Oh no. Poor you and your dd.

Hope the next few days pass ok. I know it'll be tough, but you sound like you've done well so far.

Why did they do that with the lead and collar? Why not just give it back later?

Oh it's no good. Weeping again

I don't know why we have pets sometimes. Their passing is so painful.

Sorry, just got DD off to bed.

I felt like the worst mother because I have never seen her that upset before ever. I can't really describe how I felt but it was awful and I never ever want to feel like that again! Because I drove the dog to the vets, handed over the payment etc. it just felt like it was me taking her beloved dog away - does that make sense? it probably doesnt!

Blondeshavemorefun, thank you for the un-mn hug, I am also an un-huggy person but yours today really helped! I don't think I could get another dog after the upset of losing this one. I know DD would get very very attached again and seeing how she has been tonight has nearly broken my heart

Orm, they asked us if we wanted to keep the lead and collar, we said yes and so the vet took it straight off and gave it us - no idea why they didnt wait? To be honest though I just wanted to get DD out of there so that I could calm her down and try to distract her with something else! The longer she stayed hugging him, the worse it would be I thought. They took the payment in the consulting room too so that we didnt have to go back out to the desk infront of other people. Which I was pleased about.

I do feel quilty actually, it's strange really because I know I've done the right thing and I just have to keep telling myself that.

The house is just so quiet and empty now , I've never lost a pet before (apart from goldfish!) so this is all new to me and I'm actually very surprised at how upset I am!

oh this is so , but you definately did do the right thing.

your bound to be sad, they are part of the family after all.

be kind to yourselves. x

pickyvic, thank you x

how are you and dd today?

pleaese dont feel guilty, you did the best thing for your beloved pet and thats all we can do as owners

losing a pet is awful, but so much harder when you have to put them to sleep (rather than finding them passed away in their sleep naturally)

thinking of you both xx

I had to get my 6yo lab put to sleep last year (infact it's 10 days away from being a year exactly) and I was devastated. Reading this has brought it all back, I feel so sad for you and your DD, I really know what you mean about that empty feeling and feeling guilty although you know you have made the best choice for the dog.
We've had dogs all the time I was growing up but last year was the first time I had to make a decision like that myself.
I paid for a private cremation and the ashes came back in a wooden box. They were remarkably heavy!
It's a cliche but time is a great healer and I waited 6 months to get another dog.
You might like to look at this site

Bhmf, thank you for asking. We are both better today, had a wobbly moment this morning when leaving for school and as we were about to shut the door DD shouted 'Be a good lad 'dog', love you' (as she has done every single time we leave the house since we've had him!). She then looked at me once she realised what she'd said and we both cried

I suppose things like this will continue happening for a while because of habits. We'll just deal with them as and when.

You're right though about it being harder to have him put to sleep, it's the guilt of having to have made the decision which is the worst part! If he'd passed away in his sleep at home, I would've been upset but the guilt wouldn't have been there too IYSWIM.

Smac, so sorry to hear about your lab . It's awful isnt it. I've also paid for a private cremation so his ashes should be with us in a week or so. Thank you so much for that link, it made me cry lots! What a lovely piece of writing though, I have saved it to favourites and will show DD once she's feeling stronger x

Its a horrible thing..the only comfort is that it would have been worse than letting them carry on suffering.

I asker someone about feeding my cats (plural) today then remebered...does get easier.

FWIW i found the empty house thing made it harder after my previous cat mdied. ith this lovely old girl i have less (no) time to think about it with two LOs. Is dd in the house on her own at all? If so this might be the hardest for her?

thbm, DD is very rarely in the house on her own and if so it's only ever for 10-15 minutes after school if I'm held up in meetings etc.

I work from home a lot of the time and the dog was always lay at my feet while I worked. So it's me that feels it most in that respect!

It could be worse... at least it's not a baby. Babies are even more precious than dogs, I think

amiea - that wasnt very helpful

the dog was part of OP family and her dd was very attached to him

as most of us owners tend to be to our beloved pets

tequilla - i hopenow amont has passed that you and dd are coping with out your woofa xx