cat needs tobe put to sleep, tmw i think. How on earth to explain to 3.5 yr old especially as we dont do god, so no concept of heaven??

[thehairybabysmum]

Thats it really...cat v. poorly; she is 18 and perks up after injection at vets but then goes downhill after that. She is jsut sleeping and now not eating...problem is that she cant walk v. well (vet thinks spinal) so doesnt want to move to eat/drink etc. She is now v. weak and think we have to bite the bullet as dont think she is going to get better.

Obviously gutted as she is such a lovely cat, she was 13 when we got her and so logically we knew this would happen by taking on older cats, but it doesnt make it any easier

Anyway, i waffle. Basically we have 3.5 yr old and 20 month old; toddler too young to be affected i think (though he says her name and loves stroking her). But 3.5 yr old obviously will understand she has gone.

So bascially any ideas for how to explain?? Especially if we have to take her to vets and she doesnt die naturally. We arent religous so he has no concept of heaven or anything.

Can anyone help??

oh i'm sorry to hear that - had a cat when i was growing up and she was part of the family. she didn't die til i was grown up though - 19 yrs old in fact as we were the same age.
i think you just have to be honest and explain it as simply and straightforwardly as you can - "the cat was very old and died, so we won't see her anymore. it is very sad and we will all feel a bit upset for a while but it is best for her as she was feeling very poorly and tired" and encourage him to get involved with some sort of goodbye ritual. maybe have a special box with photos in and a very simple poem to read or her collar etc.. you can then look at this together when he asks about it.
good luck xx

Thats a good idea about the photo.

He knows she is v poorly. We are going to bury her, though down the lotty as we dont have a garden.

When our cat died a year ago what we told ds was that it was a part of the cycle of life, that all beings grow old and die, and then bacteria and worms eat them and make soil, and plants grow in the soil that mice then eat, and then the cats eat the mice and it all goes round.

We did a little burial ceremony and put a stone with her initial on it. Ds was more upset than I expected given how young he was (about a year old), but the whole process seemed to settle him down. He spent several days afterwards making a round sign with his hand every time he saw our other cat.

Get him to make a memory book/page of bits that were related to cat memories.

When dog had to be put down we told ds that she had gone to the great big rabbit field in the sky where she was well and could run about chasing rabbits and having fun. Ds liked that idea and skirted fact we don't believe in god. Agree with stinkypants with emphasis on being beneficial that cat not ill any more, we made rabit field happy place. 2 years later he still talks about the dog (bless him he's only 4 1/2 so dam good memory) but its on long the lines of I miss roise hope she's having fun chasing the rabits.

Good luck

Plus Alfie's suprise present deals with this. Neighbours cat old and sick, owner misses and eventually given kitten. Not same but nice. have a look might help.

Thanks, will have a look for that. Only hting is no chance of a kitten as we have anohter cat whois only 14 so will have the same again at sojme stage befor eany kitten.

Understandable - I wasn't implying you should replace cat - the story makes the point that if you get another cat it wont be the same but it will be loved and enjoyed for the character of the new cat and that it is ok to move on.

ok, didnt think myou meant that dont worry. will look it out thanks

Thanks everyone. We had her put to sleep yesterday and buried her down our allotment unde the hedge (no garden).

DS said goodbye to her before DH took her to vets and we brushed her as she lovd this then said bye. He then helped DH to put some soil on the grave and helped me plant some flowers.

He was sad and asked why does she have to go away, i love her , berfore whe went. Since he seems fine, just asks the old curious 3 yr old question.

TBH between DH and me we made a right hash of explaining...I just said she was v old and v poorly so died...gone to magic cat place in the sky where she is happy ??!! wasnt thinking straight obviously.

When burying her DH said its jsut her body as the real cat had floated away like a ghost. Cue Q of why has 'cat' floated away??

Anyway tis sad but at least DS1 seems ok mwith it all...very matter of fact as they are at that age. DS2 pretty oblivious though did come and stroke her when we were saying bye.

Thanks for all your posts.

So sorry about your cat. Do get the Alfie book if you can, it is a lovely story. Lovely Old Roly by Michael Rosen is also a good book in this situation. So is Goodbye Mog, but that does go heavy on the new kitten angle.

My DS1 was about 3 and a half when our dog died.
I told him he had gone to live in the sky.
He took that as our dog was living on the moon and it seemed to comfort him. he would say good night to the moon every night and sometimes try and bounce on his trampoline to reach the moon.
Hes 5 and a half now and hes fine.xx

DS1 was a little younger and he came with me to do the dirty deed.

There were no tears (just mine and the vets) but DS1 was fine - he said 'n-night Willow' which made it somewhat easier for me. They really have no concept of death and the finality at this age.

Just be honest.

(having said that we not religious I still told him tha the cat had gone to heaven

I second Lovely Old Roly

Ill get that tomorrow then thanks.

Bless him, he told the nursery girls today that 'Bamber is covered in soil'. He seems fine again today.

In our experience DS was basically fine, but we'd find that every week or so he'd suddenly out of context pop up with random questions or observations about death, so it was obviously something he was mulling over to himself in the background IYSWIM.