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Original poster

When will I feel better? Feel so alone...

27 replies

hav3plus3 · 26/03/2009 14:26

I lost my dog 5 weeks ago and although I am aware of the stages of grieving, I cannot move on.
My DH treads carefully n I feel like I hav 2 get on with looking after the home, kids etc without being able to 'get it all out'. I feel so alone... I detach from reality when I talk to my friends about it because if I really showed how I feel inside, I'd break down.
Am I depressed? I've always considered my self to be 'on top' of things but this is a feeling I've never experienced. I'm truly devastated. Anyone ever felt similar about a dog? Can you offer any advice please?

OP posts:

silver73 · 26/03/2009 15:03

Please be kind to yourself - the loss of a dog is a dreadful experience. I've had dogs for years and my last one had to be put down when she was 17. I was a complete mess for months and found it hard to get through the day without crying.

I have a copy of a fantastic book that helps me everytime one of my animals die. It is called When your Animal Dies. Still can't read Kiplings poem The Power of the Dog without crying and my girl has been gone for five years now.

Take care

bedlambeast · 26/03/2009 19:38

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

hav3plus3 · 26/03/2009 21:51

Ever since I could talk, I've wanted a dog. As a child, I was never allowed one. As an adult, I thought very carefully before purchasing one to make damn sure I could care for one. Dogs are my ultimate passion.
She was destined for me and shone above all the others in the dogs home.
This was 14 years ago.
I've worried for a long time about how my life would be without her and could never imagine it. I worried over having to make 'the decision' and when it'd be 'the right time' to let her go. This dread was taken from me in one foul swoop when everything was going so well.
This is why I can't get to grips with it.
Her bed is still by mine, her feeding bowls still in the kitchen, her toy box untouched. I can't bring myself to move them because that would be like everything's okay and it's time to move on... I just can't do it!!!
She was my life and I miss her more than anything in the whole world.
Silver - I'll take a look at that book and search out that poem.
Bedlam - I've been following your thread bout your Dane... so sorry for the loss of your springer. I can feel your pain, but having to go through it again in what looks like the very near future, I just don't know how you'll do it.

OP posts:

bedlambeast · 29/03/2009 17:32

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Nabster · 29/03/2009 17:35

5 weeks is no time at all when you have loved her for 14 years.

My cat is 14 and I have had her since she was tiny and will be completely broken hearted when she goes.

I would leave your dog's things out for as long as you need and not worry about moving on.

So sorry for you and others who have lost a pet.

I was in bits over a flipping hamster. Twice.

Saltire · 29/03/2009 17:43

Losing a pet, especially one that has been part of your family for so long is like losing a member of the family. We had 2 put down within 7 months of each other, one in July 2006 and the other in feb 2007,one was 16, the other 15 and we'd had them since they were 3 and 2. it was awful, I cried for days. We, up until recently still ahd their collars and lead!

We weren't going to get another dog as DH and I said we couldn't go throguh that again, but a visit back to Scotland at Easter last year resulted in us bringing home an 8 week old pup, same breed as out previous 2.

Original poster

hav3plus3 · 30/03/2009 14:25

I regard you as my friends , I was beginning to think I was some sort of nutter to get so easily wrapped up in this pain... looks like I'm not alone after all. Your kind words have helped me so much, especially when I feel so low.
Saltire - I was thinking (only thinking as it's far too soon) about getting another but how can I? I think it's the void I'm trying to fill and this would be the wrong reason to bring another in just yet, but I am definitely doggy.
And yes, I do think I see her out of the corner of my eye... a darting glance in hope, but she isn't . I can't acknowledge hat she's gone forever and never coming back (tears trickling again).
The ache in my heart is hideous. If this is bad, I can't imagine losing a child, although she was my baby in every sense. Some people just don't understand - they think she was just a dog. Dogs are far more than that (and cats Nabster!)
I wish beyond all, that there truly is a rainbow bridge! I'd never even heard of it until someone sent a link.

OP posts:

MitchyInge · 30/03/2009 14:29

I think it's actually really early days, don't feel rushed to grieve according to anyone else's timetable but your own.

Saltire · 30/03/2009 15:14

Oh that Rianbow Bridge thing almost tipped me over the edge. Someone linked to it - it was either someone on here or in an email - and I'd jsut started to pull myself together and it started me off again.

As for getting another dog - well we waited a year, and we did think of getting a completeyl different breed (we had Border Collies) and then we saw these pups on a friends farm and ended up with one, another Border Collie. I don't think you should rush into it though

Original poster

hav3plus3 · 20/04/2009 13:41

I'm not insane! I've just read the book and everthing I'm feeling is absolutely normal. I understand so much more - Thanks for your advice Silver.

I cut the grass last weekend for the first time this year and did a bit of work in the garden. The weather was so nice and all I could think of was the empty space beside me where she'd have been sun-bathing

It'll be 9 weeks this weds. The void is just as big. Maybe getting another dog will help me to get over it? What do you think? Is it still too early?

OP posts:

Original poster

hav3plus3 · 20/05/2009 14:30

I have been on a very rocky road since my last post, with more ups and downs than a bride's nightie!
My relationship with DH was very strained and it finally came to a head last Friday. I'm happy to say that we are closer than ever but I've still got a long way to go. I'm sorry that it had to get to that stage.
The children are also much happier since my wake-up call was them telling me they were frightened Mum and Dad were gonna split. I had to pull myself out of a dark place and climb back up to reality.
I feel so guilty for not being there for them and for him and always thinking of myself. But the grief for her passing has changed me forever. Whilst I'll never get over it, time is the healer and I'm dealing with it a lot better.

OP posts:

bedlambeast · 24/05/2009 21:39

This reply has been deleted

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silver73 · 26/05/2009 09:38

So glad the book helped. I've got a very worn copy as I cannot cope without it when one of my animals dies.

I think the most lovely poem about dogs was written by Rudyard Kipling - it really describes what all dog owners go through.

www.readprint.com/work-970/Rudyard-Kipling

silver73 · 26/05/2009 09:42

Sorry hope this link works

www.readprint.com/work-970/Rudyard-Kipling

Original poster

hav3plus3 · 26/05/2009 15:13

Silver, the poem is so true. I'd give my heart again and again to be able to have what I shared with Zara.

OP posts:

silver73 · 26/05/2009 22:00

I love that poem as it sums up dog "ownership" for me. I've had lots of dogs over the years and have always loved them with abandon and been beyond heartbroken when they have died but it is worth it for what you share together.

Did you read all of the book? I find it very comforting...

Original poster

hav3plus3 · 27/05/2009 19:23

I did read it all and have made several references to it since! I also found a fantastic website with a forum on that has enabled me to talk with others who feel the same depth of grief and despair. I was beginning to think I was a little strange as everyone around me was getting on with their lives, but I was stuck fast in agony and pain. The website gave me somewhere to turn.
I still desperately miss her and always will but the old cliche 'time is a healer' is so true. I never thought I'd be at this stage. I still have my moments but I can control them now.
I sound like a right basket case don't I?

OP posts:

silver73 · 27/05/2009 23:24

You don't sound like a basket case, you sound lovely. What a lucky dog to be loved so much. That reminds me there was a website called something like rainbow bridge which helped me a lot. I even had to have a session of grief counselling. You are not alone xx

Original poster

hav3plus3 · 29/05/2009 16:19

Silver, where did you get the grief counselling? I was advised by GP to goto Cruse, but they said they only deal with human bereavement (same grief process I thought!).

OP posts:

silver73 · 30/05/2009 02:50

I'm really sorry but I cannot remember but I know I got the details from a google search. I think it was via an animal charity or such and was over the phone. It was really helpful as my grief was intense and the person I spoke to completely understood.

I did a quick search and found this link www.animalsamaritans.org.uk/bereave.htm which may be able to help

Original poster

hav3plus3 · 08/06/2009 13:43

Thankyou Silver. I don't feel quite so alone now. X

OP posts:

Original poster

hav3plus3 · 13/08/2009 13:12

I'm not so alone now!!! We now have an 8 week old black lab and she is simply adorable!! Can't help thinking what I'm gonna hav to go through again, but the pleasure far outweighs this right now

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/08/2009 13:43

aww have3plus3 ((HUGS))

a pet is part of the family, and esp after 14years

thinking of you xx

Tabithacat · 13/08/2009 15:27

Oooh, lovely!

Enjoy.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/08/2009 16:13

8weeks old

soooooooooooooo cute!!!

congrats xx

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