Please can we have a "how daft is your pet" thread?

[JacksFirstChristmasMama]

I read the funniest thread today, titled "how daft is your husband". After reading it out loud to my DH we POSL. Then our cat did something dumb. DH suggested a "how dumb is your pet" thread, in honour of her and today's thread.

So here goes:
Our cat, Nemo, has

• fallen in the bath. I was in it at the time. While she no doubt suffered emotional trauma in her near-drowning incident, I will bear the scars on my legs from her frantically-whirling claws for the rest of my life.

• has set her tail on fire, jumping on the coffee table and walking past a lit candle

-fallen off the divider between the kitchen and the stairs going down to the basement. Open-concept kitchen. Partition around edge of kitchen, which backs onto stairs. Good place to put decorative items such as trailing plants. Not a good place for a cat to jump up on, especially one that does not have good balance. We look over the divider - cat stares up from halfway down the stairs... picks herself up, starts washing herself, pretending she meant to take the elevator down.

• has knocked over a lit candle, managing not to set tail on fire this time, but spilled candle wax all over self. Self having lovely, long fur... self needing to be shaved to get rid of candle wax. Cue very stupid looking cat.

Your turn.

My sister's golden retriever was terrified of the cat. Used to sit wimpering whilst said cat serenely polished off his dinner from his bowl, licked her lips, and sauntered off.

my cat doesn't understand how to use the cat flap. Despite it having been fitted for, errr, 3 years now AND us shoving her through it at least 3 times a week, in an effort to show her how it's done.

my chocolate lab is obsessed with stones. Big ones. If she spots one on the beach or in the woods (v likely), she will start barking at it and will keep staring at it, barking, until we drag her away.

We were told AFTER we got her that choccy labs are famous for having nothing between their ears. So true!

OMG - hilarious!!
The young cat hasn't done anything daft today... it was the old cat's turn. He got stuck in the baby's crib. I don't know how he got in, but he couldn't get out again. So was stood up against the crib bars meeeeeooooooowing pitifully whe I came home. Fortunately he didn't need to do a wee or anything else while I was out - for five hours!!! (Although I don't know how long he'd been in there...)

Some years ago when we lived in the country, my Golden Retriever decided to play chase in our large enclosed front garden with out German Shepherd - only he decided to run straight ahead whilst looking back at her. He then collided with the bumper of my parked car, biting a major blood vessel in his tongue. Cue 14 mile emergency dash to after hours vet surgery, where he had to stay in for an operation and a £300 vet bill. Even worse I got a call at midnight when they had finished stitching him up to say the next few hours would be crucial as his tongue could swell and choke him. Luckily he was fine, but when I went for his follow up appointment the vet couldn't believe he had collided with a stationary car, the other vet had put it down as a car accident, he looked at him and said "What a stupid animal!" I couldn't disagree

My stupid puppy is currently standing on the dining table, having climbed up and is unable to get back down!
He's looking at me as if to say "well get me down then"

My mums lurcher/greyhound cross was running across the garden and ran over a tree stump impaling himself..... He just stood there yelping. A lengthy operation to stitch it all up and a HUGE vet bill followed.

He is also the only dog I know that worked out how to break free from the back garden and go to the front door to bark and be let in..... Most dogs would make a bid for freedom if they knew how to get out....

He also singes the hairs on his tail whenever the fire is on. He sits so close you can smell burning dog and you have to tell him to move!

My retriever also used to jump the wall and go into the front garden, but then would jump back if he saw you at the front door and bark at the back door!

Our first cat experience the wonders of the cat flap, then damn near concussed himself under the assumption that each and every door one ran at would magically give way under the pressure of a feline skull. DH used to call him (affectionately) Feck-witted Thickipuss.

PMSL at feck-witted thickipuss - ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hohoho we met Otterhounds at Crufts last year and completely fell head over heels. Beautiful animals, I don't think we could give one the life they deserve at the moment, otherwise I would have snapped up Claudia.

my cat is thick.

she had been in the kitchen all night in her bed. There was a bowl of food there too.

Next morning, when she was let out into the rest of the house, she was making a right fuss, purring, scratching the rug etc...

I thought god she must be starving, so i went down with her following me.

Food bowl, as i said was full.

I had to literally pick her up, and place her at the bowl, for her to realise.

It just never occured to her to go and have a look for herself.

my cat sits on the front window pawing and meowing to be let in and when he ses you go to open front door he shoots round to the back door and waits there. i just go straight to back door now.

As a child we had a springer spaniel called Sam. He was obsessed with chasing balls. He used to have numerous bouncy balls which used to end up drenched in spittal so much so that they would squealch when thrown.

My parents built an extension to our bungalow and where digging out the foundations during the summer. Sam being incredible helpful would drop his ball down into the foundations whilst my Dad and Grandad where digging them. They would then throw the ball for him. Anyway Sam would do this hundreds of times during the day - he never got tired - however my Dad did. He ended up getting so frustrated that he chopped the balls into several pieces in the end - Sams face dropped and he sat down with his nose mournfully pointing over the edge of the hole.

The foundations for that house probably have quite a few tennis balls and other dog toys set in the concrete.

My current spaniel likes to jump in the local pond and chase the ducks who swim away at a slow speed looking behind them as if to say "what the hell does this strange animal think its doing".

We have foxes living in next door's garden which Smartie spends alot of time trying to keep out of ours.

Last week we were walking past this garden down the road which is tackily beautifully adorned with all manner of stone characters- gnomes, rabbits, kittens etc.

At the very front of this garden there is a stone fox (almost life size) and Smartie went absolutely ballistic barking and snarling and then very confused as to why this one would not scramble away like the usual ones she encounters.

Was also very disturbed last week by an animated twinkly deer christmas decoration in someones front garden.

Just remembered - my parents' old Lab had a complex about pooing in public.
He'd back his arse into bushes and poo, looking really embarrassed. Preferably he'd disappear into bushes to poo.
Once he backed into a prickly bush and yelped the entire time while pooing. But stayed there until he was done!!!

both my adult cats have that same obsession with fox chasing smartiejake..... the only problem is that while the dog fox will run away from them the vixen is made of sterner stuff..... i've had to recue both of them from a very cross fox on several occasions..... yet they still chase the foxes every time they see them

my 5 month old kitten babysits for his mother.... i have her in an old travel cot with her 4 week old kittens and he's taken to jumping in and playing with the kittens... as well as grooming them and doing that thing that mom cats do to make them pee.... lovely! i came in the other day to find the mother, him and the 4 kittens all squeezed into our tiny cat basket together!

he's also fallen through the bannisters and twisted himself round so he was hanging my his claws over the 8 foot drop, he's fallen in the sink repeatedly and came home last week covered head to toe in coal muck..... took him most of the week to get it off!

his brother once got himself caught in the handle of a paper shopping bag... he had it caught round his belly and couldn't get it off so was nonchalantly walking around dragging the bag with him as if it wasn't there in that way only cats can do!

the mother cat brought in a mouse to teach them to hunt a few weeks ago when i wasn't looking... and proceeded to lose it under the couch within 3 seconds of bringing it in.... she sat there looking very embarassed while i fished the mouse out and returned it to the wild.

i think ds actually thinks they're all named 'daft cat' as i say it so often to them

i had a cat years ago who got stuck up a tree.... as in physically wedged in a fork of the trunk and was being attacked by crows while he hung there pathetically. i could see him from my house but it was someone elses garden so i had to go knocking on doors to go get him... the people there weren't home but their neighbours son very helpfully climbed over the wall and up the tree to dislodge my idiot cat!

when i was a kid we used to visit my grandmother alot, it was a long drive but she lived in the country so we always brought our cats with us rather than boarding them... one of them got himself wedged under the drivers seat while we were driving along, we had to pull in on the hard shoulder and try and extricate him while he mewed pathetically and i desperately tried to prevent his sister from making a bolt for freedom out the open car door... it took 1/2 an hour he was wedged so firmly and we always had to block up the gaps under the seats after that.

we have a black lab - unutterably dim. has not learned to distinguish between people and things that look like people, hence when walked in the park repeatedly bounds up to a number of large statues wagging his tail in greeting only to screech to a halt a few feet away when it dawns on him that they are not real. at which point he bravely runs away.
he was partly meant as a guard dog but has never in his life objected to any stranger entering the house or barked at the doorbell. the first morning our builders let themselves in with a key, he didn't even notice until he wandered into the utility room half an hour later and found them there (whereupon he apparently greeted them with joy). he does, however, guard NEXT DOOR's house and if allowed out on our front steps will bark ferociously at anyone trying to go to their front door - he once held a delivery man trying to deliver them a parcel at bay for quite a long time.
has also required several trips to the vet for eating stupid things, memorably a large fridge magnet. (after an expensive xray the vet said we should only worry if he stuck to the radiators.....)
on the plus side, being thick he is very malleable and puts up with all sorts of indignities from ds. he spent much of yesterday lying patiently with a toy phone pressed to his ear while ds tried to encourage him to speak into it, and is entirely happy to have trains run over him, which a brighter dog might put a stop to.

My friend just told me about her enormously fat, stupid cat. She bought the cat a heated cat bed. Cat loves it, wants to spend its life in it. Cat managed to put front paws on the floor while keeping back paws (and enormous bum, one assumes) in the cat bed and pushed the thing over to its food and drink bowl. Cat now lies in heated cat bed, and every so often sticks head over the edge to eat and drink.
Cat spent so much time in the stupid heated bed that it singed its fur off its enormous belly! (Presumably because cat fills out entire cat bed so no air circulation - the thing's not really hot enough to singe anything.) Cat still lies in heated cat bed, every once in a while shifting uncomfortably and meowing as if sore.

Friend finally unplugged the heated cat bed. Fat stupid cat still hasn't caught on.