I'm just offloading here, I don't want to upset dh any further or make him feel guilty, so maybe if I say it here it'll stop me from saying it in real life.
My lovely soppy bounding great galumph of a dog has been killed by a glancing blow from a deer. It's the 'rut' - the deer get aggressive and territorial, and as we came piling out of the Land Rover after our walk this afternoon, our terrier belted off at a rate of knots, I, holding the big dog's leash, called to DH saying "he's too excited, come get him, I can't hold him."
Let him go, says DH, stop being such a killjoy, he'll come right back.
I held on so tight, but he's a big dog, and young, and soooooo excited at the thought of dashing off after our other dog.
I couldn't hold him, and there was a deer in the trees by the house, and it caught him the most glancing of blows. It's like a little tiny puncture under his ribs.
God, my dog's dead, and I'm so sorry to bore with this monologue, but if I go near DH at the moment I'm going to say something unfair and regrettable.
This is shit.