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Original poster

I really want a dog, DH doesn't......stalemate.

30 replies

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/10/2008 16:24

I've always wanted a dog and DH has always said no. Now would be an ideal time to get one as I have dropped my hours to 3 days a week. DH works at home for 2 days a week. DD really wants one as well and been an only child I think it would be good for her. I'm happy to do all the walking, etc. His reasons for not wanting a dog are the fact that there will be some weeks (occassional) where he doesn't work from home so the dog will be by itself. And also he says when we go on holiday the dog would be a problem. Er, kennels? Its only 1 week a year!

Well today me and DD passed a Greyhound Rehoming centre that we didn't even know was there. I've always liked greyhounds - so we turned round and went in. Of course we fell in love with a dog, took it for a walk and everything. Came home and have tried to persuade DH and he's still saying no. I've pointed out the work situation is OK now, that we could use kennels when we go away and he just says "I really don't want a dog".

Its not even that he doesn't like dogs. He loves other peoples' dogs and makes a fuss of them. Fair enough he doesn't like my mum's dog but it is an annoying, untraied yappy thing. Any ideas to help me change his mind? DD has been sobbing all afternoon.

OP posts:
MegBusset · 18/10/2008 16:28

This might sound harsh but I think it was a bit unfair to take your DD to a rehoming centre before you and DH had agreed to get a dog.

Pets like kids are a lifetime responsibility that both adults need to agree to. I know how you feel because I would LOVE a cat but DH (again for practical reasons) says no.

Can you 'sponsor' a dog at the rehoming centre? Then you and DD could take it for walks without the responsibility of owning it. In time if he sees how committed you and DD are to looking after it then perhaps he will come round to the idea.

Original poster
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/10/2008 16:30

I know, I shouldn't have taken her and am kicking myself. It was a stupid spur of the moment thing.

I think sponsering a dog and walking it would eb even worse though. If it got rehomed to someone else after building up a relationship with it then she really would be devasted.

OP posts:
Dottoressa · 18/10/2008 16:36

I do sympathise. I grew up with heaps of pets, and DH won't have any. DS suggests getting one and hiding it (!), but I fear it wouldn't work.

To be practical:

What is your DH's objection, given that you will do all the work? Does he have a specific concern that you can reassure him about?

Greyhounds: have you owned one before? If so, you will know what's involved. If not, it's worth looking in to, just to be sure that you are prepared. Bear in mind they need daily long walks (once they've had their daily long walk, they will settle themselves pretty much for the rest of the day - but you can't in all fairness afford to miss anything more than the most occasional day because you/DH are working).

Rescue dogs of any description: can be (not always, but can be) tricky. If you have had dogs before, it will help. I have huge amounts of dog experience, and I would still be thinking very carefully about taking on a rescue dog. Again, it's worth finding out more about it before falling too deeply in love! Ideally, you'd need to talk to people who have taken on greyhounds.

Your DH might be more open to persuasion if you approach it from a practical point of view, rather than an emotional one?

Good luck. I am still trying to persuade DH to entertain a pet rat, never mind anything bigger or more of a commitment!!

ilove · 18/10/2008 16:37

I have to side with your DH here...it is never as simple as I'll walk it and we'll kennel it on holidays

Who will be on shit-scooping duty? Clearing up muddy messes? paying bills? Clearing up when it pukes in the car? Staying home when you want a day out shopping/at the zoo/on the beach/at a theme park?

Dottoressa · 18/10/2008 16:42

FWIW (which probably isn't very much, I'll also add that, having grown up with dogs, I would not have a dog. In its own way, it is even more of a commitment than having a child. At least you can take children to the supermarket with you!!

Original poster
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/10/2008 16:42

I've never had a greyhound before but had other dogs when I was a kid. I always thought when I was an adult that I'd have a dog once I had a house with a big garden (which we have now).

The lady at the rehoming place said they need 2x 20 min walks a day. I guess thats a minimum ad I'd certainly do that. Even when its a day I'm working I'd still walk the dog before and after work.

The lady said we'd need matching up with a dog, depending on the dog's temprement. She said that there are some pitfalls of having greyhounds, they've never been a family pet before, etc. But she was saying that they're very laidback and with time they are very loving dogs.

I think DH worries we have enough pets as it is, we have a rat, a cat, 2 rabbits and chickens. Could be worse; DD could want a pony!

OP posts:
unfitmother · 18/10/2008 16:44

I'm with your DH, sorry!
My DH has been trying the emotional blackmail line with me, using our DD. I hate the idea of a dog in our house.

LazyLinePainterJane · 18/10/2008 16:44

As someone who owns a dog who doesn't really like it I say that you shouldn't make him have one, it will do your relationship and household dynamic no favours.

Original poster
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/10/2008 16:46

I could afford vets bills and would happily clean up dog poo, mess, etc. My mum lives up the road and has a dg and would dog sit for us if we all wanted to go out somewhere where a dog can't come. Though to be honest we don't have those sort of days out very often. My friend across the road has 3 dogs and sad she'd happily come and pick it up and walk it if we were stuck for any reason.

OP posts:
BloodAndMutts · 18/10/2008 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

potoftea · 18/10/2008 16:47

I feel a bit sorry for you, but understand your dh. I am afraid of dogs and swore we'd never have one. Last year my family finally pursuaded me and of course now I love our dog very much but am still terrified of all others.

But I'm thankful that we didn't get him any sooner. I really had no idea how much they need from their owners. I thought he'd spend the day outside, and my dh or ds would walk him and feed him, and that'd be it.

But now I realise that he is a huge responsibility and care on us. Even something simple like going out for dinner in the evening, means considering how long we can leave him alone in the kitchen, and we're not free to decide to do something on the spur of the moment. In the summer when we went off for a day his needs had to be considered too. When the weather is too bad for him to be outside he still needs to be exercised, and it took some of the enjoyment off our holiday knowing that he'd be missing us.
Could you perhaps offer to "dog sit" for friends when they go on holidays and let your dh get used to having dogs around. I do think you need the whole family to agree to it before you get one.

wheniwasyoung · 18/10/2008 16:48

We see a grey hound several times a week and she is the loveliest, gentlest dog.

When my cat dies I am planning on getting 2 kittens and it will be my decision as I am the one looking after them though I know DH could live without any animals (except a dog in years to come.)

unfitmother · 18/10/2008 16:48

Which do you want more - your DH or a dog?

Original poster
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/10/2008 16:50

I'd never get one unless he agreed to it, just don't think he will and am

OP posts:
bella29 · 18/10/2008 16:51

I recently looked into rehoming a greyhound and, for the record, they don't need a long walk - the Retired Greyhound Trust recommends 2 walks of 20 minutes each day.

However, if your DH sometimes won't be at home and you work 3 days a week, who will look after the dog on those days? Dogs should not be left for more than 4 hours at a time - even if they do manage not to wee or poo in the house it's just not fair on them.

Dogs are fantastic but are a huge commitment and I think getting one if you and DH are not in agreement could be a very bad idea.

Any rehoming centre will be very willing to take you on as a volunteer dog walker.

Original poster
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/10/2008 16:52

Bella - I work shifts so if we were both at work then the dog would be left from 1:30 - 6:00pm. The lady at the rehoming place said that would be OK.

OP posts:
BloodAndMutts · 18/10/2008 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pipsy76 · 18/10/2008 17:21

As a past greyhound owner and current lurcher owner I agree greyhounds are lovely and are genuinely happy with 2 x 20 min walks per day BUT cats and greyhounds often (BUT NOT ALWAYS)do not mix. Greyhounds and rabbits+rats+ chickens would be VERY unlikely friends. Our greyhound once accidentally encountered a friend's pet guinea pig with disastrous consequences (and not for the greyhound). At least your DH wouldn't be able to argue you had too many pets once greyhound in situ!

Original poster
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/10/2008 17:28

Well the rat lives in the bathrom with the door shut all the time. The rabbits are in a fox proof run. I was more worried about the cat but the rescue said they would pair us up with a suitable dog. The one we walked today was retired from racing for not chasing, shes nervous so they think she would be good with cats. They said that greyhounds do get used to cats in the home but would need to be muzzled for the first few weeks.

I'm just annoyed that DH gets his way over everything. I know it wouldn't be fair to get one when he doesn't want one and wouldn't do it. But he didn't want another child so I agreed to that even though I was desperate for another baby. Now I'm not allowed a flipping dog.

OP posts:
pipsy76 · 18/10/2008 17:40

Ok I really do feel for you here. I was in similar situation when our greyhound had to be pts ,DH said lets not have a dog for a while but I really wanted one, eventually I persuaded him to view dog I'd seen on internet and now DH has a new best friend to take to the pub at weekends! I would still put bets on your rat eventually copping it, however could you not just ask DH to look at dog perhaps with a view to fostering which rescues often are after?

bella29 · 18/10/2008 17:41

It sounds like you need to tell DH how you feel, not just about dogs but about any other issues you feel he's railroaded you over.

Hope you get it sorted out - they say the best way to get a man to do something is to con them into thinking it was actually their idea. I've never been shrewd enough to pull that off but might be worth a try!!!

denbury · 18/10/2008 17:46

may be you could get in touch with GhostlySinCity - omg dp has totally lost the plot
they have a dog that seems to need someone to look after it during the day!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/10/2008 18:01

He won't come and see the dog, says he's sure its a very nice dog but he doesn't need to see it.

OP posts:
LackaDAISYcal · 18/10/2008 18:28

i sympathise with your plight, we were in much the same boat here regarding dogs.

The sponsoring one is a good idea as usually the dogs that are "sponsor" dogs are ones that for medical or behavioural reasons can't be rehomed, so it's unlikely it would disappear.

As an alternative, the Dogs Trust do a sponsor a dog scheme for dogs that can't be rehomed and if you live near the centre you rehome from you can visit and take the dog for walks if possible.

quickdrawnandquartered · 18/10/2008 18:40

I wanted a dog and DH didn't. He then said 'maybe'. Then someone found a stray and asked us to mind it for the weekend.

It was a small dog and really very little trouble so when we couldn't find the owner he agreed that we would keep it.

If your dh is against dogs then a small dog is really a lot less trouble than a big dog. People will be far more willing to help out with the dog if it's easy to walk (big dogs are stronger) and doesn't shed hair and doesn't get really muddy and doesn't do enormous poos.

These things really make a difference in taking a dog on so think about it before you take in a big dog that needs lots of exercise like a greyhound.

What about offering to walk one of your neighbour's dogs everyday for a while and see how you get on. Dd had a summer jub walking our neighbours dog every morning of the summer for a euro each time. It was good responsibility for her.