Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pets

Join our community on the Pet forum to discuss anything related to pets.

rehomed dog - can't get over him - tell me i made the right decision

15 replies

waiting4bambino · 06/07/2008 11:46

Bit of a long one, but wanted someone's opinion...
We got a dog at the beginning of our relationship 11 yrs ago. He was already one then and had formed habits and rules of his own etc, and after we'd had him a while, we found that he could become agressive when nervous. He even bit a few members of our family, including children... Because we loved him so much, we never ever considered parting with him or even worse, having him put down etc. Over the years it got to the stage where i stopped inviting people to the house, despite numerous visits to training sessions and behaviourists etc. I accepted this because i loved him so much, and we did everything together!! He was a child substitute for me, and i treated him like he was my baby. As the years went by though, i realised that one day, in fact, i would want my own real baby. 6 years went by where i contained my feelings and finally i broke down to my husband that i wanted a child, but felt that i couldnt as we had the dog. We decided to start trying for a baby and introduce new rules gradually to the dog - ie, him sleeping downstairs, having baby gates etc and all this went well. Throughout my pregnancy, Jack (the dog!) realised that i was walking him less distance and that sometimes i would just have to lie down, and he did all of this with me. He was my best friend basically, and it sounds daft but i told him all my worries!!! Anyway, the devastating outcome was this - i had the baby, we brought home a babygro so that he could smell it etc before i got home, and then we came home. Well, the stress was huge! He kept jumping up at the moses basket, almost knocking it over, at every noise the baby made, he was barking and acting crazy, when i held the baby, he would not relax, and literally he became so hyperactive, not relaxing, not sleeping, not eating. I was scared for the babie's safety, as i mentioned before, he had bitten a child, and i felt that i was not enjoying the first weeks with my new baby. My husband and i cried for days and days after we made the decision to rehome him, and after searching most avenues, he went into the Dogs Trust in Berkshire - i wanted him to stay local so that i could still see him (we live in South Wales). I still miss him now and its been over 3 months, i cry all the time, i feel guilty like i've never felt in my life! I keep thinking can he remember me, what are his new owners like etc... I had a card from Dogs Trust to say that he'd been rehomed with a retired couple, and i wrote again to them to see if they would pass on my contact details, but i havent heard anything so don't think they have... What i need is for some reassurance that i did make the right decision, and how can i move on and just have happy memories of him? Will my guilt ever go? Is it crazy to wonder if i did the right thing etc etc.....

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 06/07/2008 12:01

havent much advise really but i doubt the guilt will ever go but it will get easier

i think you ,made the right choice but it is normally usual for dogs to react like this when baby is around as they become quite maternal but as you were worried about safety of baby probably the right decision but not one i could have made

i think you have to try and see this as he will get all the attention that you wont be able to give him and he probably does remember you but in time will love his new family as they will love him very much

you now have lovely child to raise and you can still have good memories of your dog and the new family will love him it is sad and it will take time to get over this but your child will help with this and just picture him loving his new family getting all the attention and contact shelter again and ask for details of where he is

then you can speak to family wouldnt be wise to see jack as could unsettle his settling period with new family but just know his doing ok

handlemecarefully · 06/07/2008 12:04

You totally made the right decision.

And rest assured, dogs although loving and loyal can also be pretty fickle. He has probably grown used to the retired couple he is now living with and enjoying their undivided attention.

Alambil · 06/07/2008 13:13

You did the right thing for your family at the time - that's all that matters

Personally, I don't think you should see the dog; make a clean break - they do remember people and it may confuse him.

It takes a dog anything up to 16 weeks to totally settle in to a new family, so he'll be getting there now - used to his new family and routine. He'll be fine and if he needs any more training or whatever, I'm sure the Trust will be able to help.

Alambil · 06/07/2008 13:13

You did the right thing for your family at the time - that's all that matters

Personally, I don't think you should see the dog; make a clean break - they do remember people and it may confuse him.

It takes a dog anything up to 16 weeks to totally settle in to a new family, so he'll be getting there now - used to his new family and routine. He'll be fine and if he needs any more training or whatever, I'm sure the Trust will be able to help.

SubRosa · 06/07/2008 13:46

You have definitely made right decision, even though it must have been one of the most difficult things you have ever done. You did the best you could in a stressful situtation.

Dogs Trust will have checked the people who adopted him, they do home visits to check that the home and family are suitable.

sullysmum · 06/07/2008 14:19

I did this 33 years ago and still feel very guilty and sad, remembering her face as she left all those years ago......Topsy im so sorry!

northernrefugee39 · 06/07/2008 17:25

Oh waiting, you poor thing. I really feel for you and the situation.
You have to remember that although we give human emotions to our dogs, and they feel things like loyalty and love, it's not in the same way as we as humans do.
he's obviously found a wonderful home, and will probably quite quickly have only vague memories of the past; as long as they have love and company, i'm sure they don't dwell as we do!
It's you I feel sorry for! I'm sure he's in clover.

We have two rescue dogs.Our first one is fiercely loyal to me particularly, and at one point early on, she took to nipping small boys, and was also a bit agressive with some dogs; we very nearly had to have her put to sleep, but in fact, after much hard work, she is now the (almost) perfect dog.

I'm sure Jack is absolutely fine. And when your baby is older, you can rescue another dog who longs for a loving home.

Lovesdogsandcats · 06/07/2008 17:53

Now listen, I love dogs and cats and all animals more than anything, they are my life. And I opened your thread thinking you be another person trying to justify putting your dog last as so many people do.

BUT I think you did the right thing.
Your dog sounds liek he is the kind of dog who needs one to one with no children. He has that now, and what a lucky boy to have found a new family so soon!!

I bet he is spoilt rotton by this couple.
When I took on a rescue dog, I was asked to write a letter to the RSPCA homing officer to pass on to the previos owners who loved her but couldn't have her...i gladly did this.
I suggest you contact the dogs trust again and ask if they dont want to contact you, then would the new owners write to you?

You did the right thing, and have no need to be sad...remeber rehoming Jack was not done just for your benefit, you did it to make him happy too, as he would not have lived a happy life sharing with kids!

SparklyGothKat · 06/07/2008 18:09

We rehomed our dog in december. We got him as a puppy 3 years ago, and he was very hyperactive, but we had older children, but when we had Ds2 last sept. he became very very hyperactive, and unpredictable. We did dog training while i was pregnant, in the hope we could calm him down and keep him, but 3 months after Ds2 was born we realised that we could not trust him at all. We were lucky that a single male friend wanted him and we can see him whenever we like. But I had to do what was best for us as a family. I will not get another dog..

waiting4bambino · 06/07/2008 18:09

Thank you all for your replies, it has made me feel better, but very sad still when reading them...

When i wrote to Dogs Trust, I enclosed a card and letter to send to the new owners, along with a SAE, my phone no and email address for the new owners to contact me. I guess that either the Trust didnt send it on as it isnt their policy, or that the new owners don't want to get in touch. I said to myself that if they didnt reply, then that would be it, so I'll have a think about emailing the Trust again, but if there's no response, i think i'll have to draw a line under it then, as i can't go on and on like this. Every time i see a dog, i feel sad! I just hope he never forgets me and knows that i loved him completely and has a happy life for the rest of his days...

It was good to get such replies from you all, because all too often, family and friends have said, he's just a dog, but he was never just a dog to me, he was my best friend.

OP posts:
Lovesdogsandcats · 06/07/2008 18:18

Anyone whao says its just a dog, does not understand.

whispywhisp · 06/07/2008 18:37

You have definitely done the right thing. He has a new home with a retired couple. How lovely is that? The Dogs Trust are fantastic at rehoming dogs. I got my dog from them last year (Wilts). They would not have rehomed him to the couple if they didn't think they would be FULLY suitable.

Had your dog bitten anyone else, especially in a public place, he may have had to have been put to sleep. Atleast now he has a second chance.

He wasn't 'just a dog'. He was your best friend. I lost my lovely labrador earlier this year. She was 13yrs old. She was my best friend too. We went thru a lot together. I miss her dreadfully now (she was attacked by a rottweiler and never recovered) but she knew how much I loved her and still do. I think of her often and the fact you think of your dog as often as you do says it all really. xxxx

waiting4bambino · 06/07/2008 21:31

Thankyou whispywhisp, sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you have found new happiness with your new dog anyway xxxx

OP posts:
whispywhisp · 07/07/2008 07:13

Oh yes, completely loopy dog that she is! Digs holes, or should I say craters, buries everything, chases everything, barks at anything that dare move but she is adorable. Yes I miss my labrador but her time was up - we lost her in tragic circumstances but there was nothing more I could do. She'd had enough. I could tell from the look in her eyes.

bumblebee12345 · 19/08/2014 15:50

I know this is a very old thread but it struck a cord with me. I rehomed a dog 40 years ago and I've never got over it. She was a gorgeous English Setter puppy and I just adored her. However, I had three kids, 3, 5 and 7 years old. The puppy was very active but I could have coped if the 3 year old had not kept waking the pup up when she was in her basket. She wouldn't leave her alone. A big active puppy who was into everything. My 3 year old just used to go upstairs and leave all the doors open so the pup just got into the bedrooms and destroyed things. It just got to a pitch where I couldn't cope anymore so I put an AD in the local paper for a new home for the pup. Got one reply, I didn't think it sounded a good home. I was relieved - I wanted to keep her. But then they kept ringing and ringing and got some animal place to ring me as well. In the end I buckled and said "well, come over to our place and see her" They came the same day and wanted her. Well, the upshot was that we took my baby over to theirs the next day. I can remember putting her basket down on the floor and putting all her toys and things in it. I rang the next day and my Vicky wouldn't eat - just wanted her back. I tried to get her back, dreamt for years of kidnapping her. Offered them money to get her back but they didn't want to know. All I can say is that I lost my baby through my own fault. I've got 3 kids, had other dogs but I've never got over losing her because she was a very special dog. The guilt absolutely overwhelms to this day.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page