Bit of a long one, but wanted someone's opinion...
We got a dog at the beginning of our relationship 11 yrs ago. He was already one then and had formed habits and rules of his own etc, and after we'd had him a while, we found that he could become agressive when nervous. He even bit a few members of our family, including children... Because we loved him so much, we never ever considered parting with him or even worse, having him put down etc. Over the years it got to the stage where i stopped inviting people to the house, despite numerous visits to training sessions and behaviourists etc. I accepted this because i loved him so much, and we did everything together!! He was a child substitute for me, and i treated him like he was my baby. As the years went by though, i realised that one day, in fact, i would want my own real baby. 6 years went by where i contained my feelings and finally i broke down to my husband that i wanted a child, but felt that i couldnt as we had the dog. We decided to start trying for a baby and introduce new rules gradually to the dog - ie, him sleeping downstairs, having baby gates etc and all this went well. Throughout my pregnancy, Jack (the dog!) realised that i was walking him less distance and that sometimes i would just have to lie down, and he did all of this with me. He was my best friend basically, and it sounds daft but i told him all my worries!!! Anyway, the devastating outcome was this - i had the baby, we brought home a babygro so that he could smell it etc before i got home, and then we came home. Well, the stress was huge! He kept jumping up at the moses basket, almost knocking it over, at every noise the baby made, he was barking and acting crazy, when i held the baby, he would not relax, and literally he became so hyperactive, not relaxing, not sleeping, not eating. I was scared for the babie's safety, as i mentioned before, he had bitten a child, and i felt that i was not enjoying the first weeks with my new baby. My husband and i cried for days and days after we made the decision to rehome him, and after searching most avenues, he went into the Dogs Trust in Berkshire - i wanted him to stay local so that i could still see him (we live in South Wales). I still miss him now and its been over 3 months, i cry all the time, i feel guilty like i've never felt in my life! I keep thinking can he remember me, what are his new owners like etc... I had a card from Dogs Trust to say that he'd been rehomed with a retired couple, and i wrote again to them to see if they would pass on my contact details, but i havent heard anything so don't think they have... What i need is for some reassurance that i did make the right decision, and how can i move on and just have happy memories of him? Will my guilt ever go? Is it crazy to wonder if i did the right thing etc etc.....