Hardest decision

[Gracie2020]

I would like to reach out in attempt to gain honest advice as I feel my emotions are taking over reality. Please can I ask for no judgement as I am really mentally struggling with this heartbreaking situation but I am also trying to do what is best for our dog and my family.

I am a single parent my 5 year old daughter, I own a small bungalow with small garden however it works for us. I decided to rescue our current Cavapoo nearly 3 years ago, she was an ex breeding dog so came with lots of anxiety and fear. I wanted a dog as I felt a strong sense of loneliness and liked the thought of having a fury family member for both myself and my daughter. My child is an only child.

Our dog is the most beautiful, sweetest girl and has brought us a lot of happiness, however at no fault of her own, she is extremely attached to me, more so than my child. She has only ever bonded with me and tends to ignore my child. She has always suffered from separation anxiety and she even pines for me when my mother has her for a couple of hours on occasions we have to go out.

Our dog is fine when I’m there but doesn’t cope well when I’m not. This is becoming quite challenging and I feel my life has become restricted and isolating at times. I have to rely on my mother to look after the dog if I want to take my child out for the day where dogs are not allowed. My mother is self employed and is often quite busy herself but has always been an amazing support.

I am feeling the strains of cost of living even though I work part time, everything has become so expensive. My dogs groom coats £50 monthly plus everything else on top of that.

I am trying to be responsible and realistic about my situation as a single parent and limited support network and the damands of a busy 6 year old. I feel my dog needs training for her anxiety and I just can’t afford to get a trainer on board, I also do not want to leave her at home for more than 4 hours as it just wouldn’t be fair.

my child has mentioned about going on her first holiday next year and that would mean boarding for our dog, that alone is very expensive. I have spoken to the rescue centre and they feel my dog may benefit from having other dogs around her as she loves playing with them on walks etc.

I am currently struggling trying to make a decision as I am stuck between love and reality. Our dog is a huge part of our family, however have I just taken on too much. She is a very easy dog and doesn’t ask for much, however is my situation best for her and my family. I also suffer with anxiety myself and have OCD cleaning.

I have written a pros and cons list-

pros

companionship
love
nice walks
helps with anxiety at times
good for my only child
sense of family
helps with loneliness

cons
Single parent with one income
Potential vet bills and no savings
Expenses when we want to go away (boarding)
Not Always able to walk our dog as much as I would like to due to being a parent of young child
Am unable to be spontaneous with my child
Am unable to be spontaneous when my child is not with me and with her dad
Unable to fund ongoing professional help for her anxiety and trauma from the past

Any advice would be very much appreciated and welcomed at this difficult time x

I did consider finances, single parenting when we got our dog 3 years ago but did not anticipate the current cost of living crises and her separation anxiety getting worse. I also didn’t anticipate how busy life would get when child gets older and as a single parent. I take full accountability for the naivety I potentially had. Like I said, our dog is so easy going but is it all just too much for me. Would it be responsible or fair to carry on.

Why do these people get dogs ? Always so excuse to rehome

It’s a very hard situation and realistically you have to do what’s best for you all. If you no longer feel you can provide for the dog then rehoming is the only option. Ploughing on where everyone is suffering is no good for anyone. Is there any light at the end of the tunnel? Can you see a time when things will become easier?

Thank you for your kind response. The rescue centre have said sometimes the kindest act you can do is be selfless and not let emotions take over reality. It’s a soul destroying decision and I never imagined myself having to be in this situation. The rescue centre have also advised that rehoming is at its lowest due to people not being able to afford veterinary care at present with how expensive everything is now.

People’s financial situation can change at no fault of their own, people can become unwell and no longer care for a dog, let alone themselves. People can get matched with the wrong dog and sometimes life just throws up unpredictable and uncontrollable situations.
There are times when you have to do what is best for the dog and your family. Life, unfortunately does not come with a crystal ball as lovely as that would be.

There will always be people that judge and share there unrealistic comments. I am in contact with the rescue centre and they immediately said my dog would hugely benefit from having another dog around, this is not something I can provide. The rescue centre have also shown empathy and understanding throughout and we are working together to find the best solution here.

It does not take away the pain we are all feeling right now and ultimately, a decision has to be made in the best interest of the dog, child and family.

I do think that rehoming would be best if you don't have the time or energy to help her overcome some of her behavioural challenges. It doesn't have to cost anything, there is a lot of help out there for free, for example a FB page run by dog behaviourists for free with advice on all problems, including separation anxiety. However, it all takes time and consistency so it's a big commitment. You can solve it though if you commit the time and be consistent.
Vet fees too are a huge worry for everyone. I can totally sympathise with your dilemma there.
I'd also try cutting her fur yourself. Visiting a groomer is not compulsory and it's not hard to trim a dog's fur, check out YouTube for how to videos.
If you do think you'd rather keep her and try to work on the issues can I suggest you register with borrow my doggy? You find local people who want to have the benefit of a dog but without owning one full time. You can find people to walk her and look after her when you are away, for free. They get the benefit of a dog without full time ownership and you get people to help with walks and holidays.
It doesn't solve the spontaneity issue though.

If you do decide to re-home try not to beat yourself up about it. Ultimately owning a dog was perhaps a bigger commitment than you had been prepared for, and now you know better. She'll find another loving family and have a great life.

Thank you so much