Long term puppy blues?

[Puppyblueshelp]

Has anyone ever experienced long term puppy blues that eventually went away?

We’ve had our dog for around nine months now, and I am still feeling really miserable. A big part of it is the mess (he is an extreme shedder so dog hair is everywhere, he drools a lot, tracks mud in and smells), but he also barks and whines constantly, is too large and powerful for me to walk, too boisterous for us to have guests over, wakes us up barking almost every night and various other issues. It feels like my entire life revolves around him. I knew dog ownership would involve work, but I seriously underestimated actually how much.

All of this has prevented me from forming a proper bond with him, because I’ve been feeling so anxious, depressed and regretful for such a long time. We are spending a ton of money on training, dog day care, grooming and cleaning tools to try to ease the burden - but the expenditure increases the resentment I feel. We have a baby on the way and I am dreading her arrival because I would love to have a safe, clean and peaceful home environment to raise a baby in, but don’t see how that will be possible.

Rehoming isn’t an option because I do recognise that I chose to get this dog and now have a responsibility towards him. My partner is strongly bonded with the dog so doesn’t mind or notice the issues - if I forced him to rehome the dog, I’m not sure our relationship would survive it.

Has anyone else experienced puppy blues for an extended period but then got through it? I am terrified that I will just feel like this for the next 10-15 years, so would love to hear from people who experienced this and came out the other side.

We chose our puppy very carefully and were already experienced owners but I found the first year tough in truth and I'd never want another puppy. She's a beautiful kind gentle dog now she's 6 but I seriously did question what on earth we'd done.

I'm not sure I'd have coped with a baby on top, in total honesty.

It may not be Puppy Blues, it could just be pregnancy hormones. You want to create a safe, clean nest to bring your baby into but the puppy is preventing you from having that. It sounds more like resentment of the dog than actual puppy blues, which generally occurs earlier and is quite short lived.

I think baby takes priority and it’s hard to tolerate the mess when you’re about to bring a newborn into the home. I always think the puppy followed my baby is a recipe for resentment and disaster. Puppies are great when dc are older, can share the care and fill the neediness gap left by the teenage child stage. I realise that’s not helpful but I expect seeing dc grow up with a dog will be lovely once they’re about 3 onwards. You might need some coping mechanisms and bonding time with the dog between now and then.

My youngest dog was hard work for the first year. House-training her was a nightmare (I was going through a very difficult time and was coming home to messes several times a day), and she barked a LOT.

She is now two years old. I have an anti-barking device (Queen Mew, from Amazon) in her room downstairs, which has worked wonders. I am no longer alerted when there is anyone on the lane outside. She now only barks in excitement while playing.

I am VERY strict with puppy training (it is easier to raise them alone, without other people chipping in and undoing your good work at times!), so once they are ready to go out on walks, I'd keep them on a short lead and make them walk beside me. They know how to behave by roads (e.g. sitting and waiting for traffic to pass), and are generally a joy to walk, both on and off lead. They do get excitable when there are much-loved guests around, but I can shut them out in the garden if necessary. Some neighbours have outdoor kennels for their dogs. If you have space, it might be an option to put one up and contain him when there are guests (or you've just cleaned the floor and don't want paw prints all over it).

They do track mud in, and yes, it's annoying. I have a robotic vacuum cleaner (which does a good job of cleaning up dog hair) that also mops, and set it to mop overnight, to deal with dirty floors. Coming downstairs to a clean, dry hallway is a joy every morning!

You have to find ways of working around their messes and habits, though it is incredibly hard! What works for one person might not work for another. Your bond with him might improve if you find what works for you and your family.

Is your partner able to handle him when taking him for a walk? If so, he might find himself being the designated dog walker for the rest of the dog's natural life, especially once the baby arrives.

What breed is the pup?

Not sure what else you could have done to make sure the dog was right for you. I mean, you could have investigated how much fur he was likely to shred, how dirty the breed is, or how big and powerful he was going to be as an adult, or how boisterous he might be. All these are basic to see if the puppy you have chosen will fit into your life.

And then, to add to the mix, you decide to have a baby.

Please rehome this poor puppy, well before the baby arrives.

What breed? Did you initially want the dog, were you enthusiastic or was it always your partner’s decision to get a dog?

I had a newborn, a Labrador and husband that worked mostly away.
It was hard work, but kept me very fit! The dog was my decision, I wanted him and I loved him and I did the all the work! I paid all his medical bills etc

I don’t think you have puppy blues OP, I don’t think you like the reality of having a dog. I’m not saying it to be unkind, but most of the things in your list aren’t to do with being a puppy, they going to stop, they likely won’t get better.

I would invest in one of those automatic /constant vacuum cleaners- argh I can’t think of the name.

Your partner needs to step up on training and cleaning by the sounds of it. Don’t let the dog upstairs? Or at least not the babies room?
Your partner pays for a dog walker.

Try and embrace the dog, your child will love the dog and have a special relationship with him. They’re hard work but very loving.

I agree. I think as soon as the baby arrives the dog will be dumped. It happens all the time.
Why don't people think these things through properly?

How much exercise is the dog getting if you’re not an able to walk it?

I never think dogs and young babies & children are a great combination.

It will only get harder when the baby arrives . You could rehome the dog, It wouldn’t be the worst thing.

Thanks for the replies everyone. The puppy was meant to be a pedigree labrador (we had all his paperwork from the breeder) but a few months in we had some suspicions and we had a DNA test done and he’s actually half American Akita, which explains the size, shedding and prey drive. [Edited to add - My partner is walking him 1-2 times a day.]

Yes, with the power of hindsight I can see dog ownership just isn’t for me. But I’ve been a dog lover my entire life, go for long walks every day, work from home etc - I really thought it would be perfect for my lifestyle, even knowing we were going to start a family. With regards to the shedding in particular - I simply hadn’t experienced anything like this before, and had no idea how much hair there would be and how much I would struggle with it. It’s easy to say ‘you should have known’ or ‘you should have researched this’ but sometimes you simply don’t know what you don’t know.

I have already said we aren’t rehoming the dog - none of this is the dog’s fault and I want to make it work. I would really like to hear from people who have been through this and changed their mindset about it.

Ah, it’s not easy, even with a small breed and an Akita cross is going to be a challenge, especially with the hair. My brother and his wife have had a hard year with a large breed puppy but things are getting better now. A neighbour too had a large breed puppy and hated the first year but are so much happier now and are completely besotted. All that training and input will pay off and Akita’s are meant to be so loyal, hopefully you’ll find some real joy in your dog when things settle down. Wishing you the best of luck with your puppy and your pregnancy

All I can say is that it will get easier. I have a puppy who's 6 months old and seriously hard work but she's getting better. Sometimes even a bit normal. Same with my last dog who I lost recently. Nearly rehomed her at 5 months but I didn't. I can't tell you how grief stricken we were at her passing and TBH still am.

Realistically, as you don't want to rehome, the only thing you can do is work on bonding. If you can't currently take the dog for a walk by yourself, can you at least go along on the walks your partner does? If not, can you do some training at home? Play with the dog, feed it, groom it, do what you can to strengthen the bond. You talk about training, grooming, day care as if somebody else is doing it all. If you want to bond you need to do these things yourself. If you work from home, I don't understand why the dog is in day care. It sounds as if you had a plan for getting this pup but haven't followed it through.

You also say the dog is barking constantly at night. At almost a year old, it shouldn't be. Unless you can do something about the barking, you will struggle even more when the baby comes. You need to get the dog in a sleep routine which is easy at 9 weeks, but not so simple at 9/10/11 months.

It's hard to know what else to say without sounding negative. You say dog ownership isn't for you and it's difficult to see how you will turn this around. I'm not being sizeist - I have a much larger breed than this - but it does sound as if you were conned by a less than reputable breeder and have ended up with a dog that is not the perfect fit for you. That is quite sad for you and for the pup.

Thank you, I am doing all of these things - playing, grooming, going along for the walks etc. I am finding it quite exhausting though due to the pregnancy and the heat we are having - this is why he goes into daycare one day a week to give me a break. My partner and I brush him every day but also pay for a professional groom - again, an attempt to lighten the load.

Hopefully a proper bond will come in time - I knew dog ownership would come with hardships, but everyone seems to say it’s worth it so hopefully eventually it will be. Just in a difficult place right now so wanted to hear reassurance or tips from others who had been through this.

Okay. You're doing what you can, clearly. I'm sorry it's a struggle at the moment. I know the heat must be hellish when you're pregnant. You do sound exhausted.

Good luck with the baby. I really hope things get easier and you start to love your dog. Yes, when that happens it really is worth all the hard work. Hopefully you will get to experience that, given time.

I thought about how difficult it was every day until one day we just suddenly got each other (I know!). They are one hundred times more work than you ever imagined, I spend so much time with him and he’s an idiot, but he lives to make us happy, he’s a tail wagging legend and (now!) I wouldn’t trade him in for the world!

I always recommend reading easy peasy puppy Squeezy if just to remind you he’s only a baby finding his own way, he loves you as you are his person and we all go through this. Best of luck op

1-2 times walking a day isn’t enough. Sometimes your pup is only being walked once per day. A walk once a day, even if it is for 1 hour , means that your pup is going 23 hours without a walk.

You have your hands full with that mix @Puppyblueshelp the shedding and the smell will be the labrador, the barking will be the Akita.

It sounds like the Akita part is dominant in the personality.

Have you had dogs before? If not, I would seriously think about rehoming. I understand that you want to be responsible, but the responsible thing to do might be to rehome. You could end up both being thoroughly miserable otherwise.

Alternatively, you should be looking to walk several times per day (as someone mentioned above). See if you can get the nose working. Scatter feeding in the garden is good for this.

With barking, see if you can teach him to bark on cue. This sounds counter intuitive, but it will help you also teach him to stop barking. Also teach him a 'place' cue for downtime.

I have a rescue labrador who was 2 when he came to me and had had no training and was all over everything and everyone. It took a while, but he's lovely now.

For the dog hair, good robot vac, a good handheld vac and pet wash bags for his bedding will help a lot.

My focus would be on walking. Any issues I've ever had with my dogs have been when they havent been out enough. Because you're pregnant id also ask your partner to work on getting dog walking very safely. You will possibly spend hours walking with your baby and will want to be able to safely take dog.

I felt the same way as you. I liked the dog, but didn’t love him. Also, a lab.

Hes now three and the situation has improved hugely. We got a dog behaviourist in and did some one-to-one training on loose-lead walking, recall etc. The few sessions we had were worth their weight in gold, and gave us confidence.

Time is another factor. People say that labs are good family pets, but they do take time to settle. Ours improved at one, then again at two. Now we have a nice routine and it’s alot easier.

I’ve also been doing dog agility. Can you do an activity with him? Helps bonding, and makes them use their mind.

Nine months old is teenager phase when they do loose it a bit.

Labs like mental stimulus. With ours, he has a walk in the morning, walk in late afternoon or evening, and then at lunch I do some training with him. Simple thinfs for such as sit/syand/lie/spin etc gets their mind working. Play hide and seek, get them to search for treats, play fetch etc all help to tire them out.

Getting the dog neutered also helped.

You will get there.

I was going to ask why on earth you bought a breed so unsuitable but then I read that you thought you bought a lab, but he’s half Akita? Bloody hell op, that’s rough! There is a MASSIVE difference in temperament and care requirements between a lab and an Akita so I am not surprised you are finding this difficult. I’ve had multiple dogs for 20+ years and I wouldn’t have an Akita. They are truly working dogs and the shedding is something else! I absolutely applaud you for wanting to stick with it and the only thing I can say is that all puppies are a PITA!
We tend to adopt older dogs, not just for some noble reason, but because, irrespective of if they’ve been previously traumatised, I find them easier than puppies. The last time we had a puppy, I remember shouting at DH one time to “just get it out of the house” after he ate my leather couch 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ They do settle though and by about 2ish they get easier.
For the mess, invest in some hug rugs. They will get most of the crap off his feet when he comes inside and they go straight in the washer. I would also highly recommend, if you have space and can afford it, getting a washing machine just for the dog. That is a god send for us and keeps all our clothes hair free!
Also an outdoor doggy shower. Rinsing them off if they are filthy makes a big difference.
In terms of walking, a properly positioned slip lead will allow you to walk him without allowing him to pull.
He will settle op, it will just take time. Good luck xx

spot on

Thanks for the advice on the walking - we will try that. We had read that a puppy of his age should walk 45-60 minutes a day so thought that sometimes one longer walk would be sufficient (honestly it’s a combination of the heat, and my partner spending extra time taking care of me / the house that has left less time for walking) but I’m sure we can increase this. Thanks for all the other tips, lots of things we have already tried but some we haven’t, so I will give these a go!

I get where you are coming from, I really do. I’m not sure whether you have seen my other reply explaining the breed - he was meant to be a labrador (we literally have the pedigree KC paperwork) and as a 10-week old puppy he did look like a labrador so we didn’t question it. As he got a bit older he developed features like a curly tail and upright ears, this is when we did the DNA test and found out he’s half American Akita. As soon as we updated our pet insurance, they voided the policy as they don’t insure those breeds - this, among other things, freaked us out a bit.

This is a crap situation all round - not least for the poor dog - so we are trying to make this work. I am going to be trying all of the tips people have given so far.

If you have Kennel Club paperwork, and the puppy is registered as a purebred Labrador, you need to report this to the Kennel Club. It's in the interests of Labrador devotees to know that some bloodlines carry Akita, and the KC will subsequently refuse to register pups from this line.

I know you want to try to make it work, but quite honestly, an Akita is in a different league from a Labrador. I have a giant guarding breed, but I wouldn't take on an Akita because I don't feel that I am strong enough to cope with the hunting instinct. It's not an easy breed, and he'll be going into full-on adolescence with a tiny baby in the house. You both sound very responsible and caring, but I do worry for you. With a purebred Lab you probably would have been fine.