Rehoming cat advice

[ThisHazelSnake]

Advice on rehoming beloved pet
please don't be commenting with judgey remarks. I feel bad enough with what we have to do. It's all in our cats best interests.

We are rehoming our 8 year old indoor cat. He's not as happy as he used to be. I got him when I was young and single and had all the time in the world for him. He is extremely loving and wants my attention all day long which I can no longer provide. I barely get to give him a 10 min cuddle and play in the evenings anymore. He doesn't get to sleep in our bed, he gets moved from room to room and our house is tiny (think UK council house tiny, not USA tiny. Like smaller than a trailer). He's Indoor and too old to go out so his world just seems so tiny compared to when he used to have his own room and climbing space and endless cuddles/pets and we're expecting baby no. 2 so my attention is going to be even more divided. I know non of this is relavant but I just want people to know this is a decision I have not taken lightly and in his best interest. I have a vision of him with an older couple or someone with teens getting to sit on their lap and loved on all day. And I know he'd be happier there than here. We're also moving to the States in a few years and he'll be 12 by then and I'm not sure mentally or physically he'll be able to cope with the flight, living in a hotel for a month or 2 while we look for a house. So seems sensible to do it now rather than when he's older.

Anyway, my toddler is 3 and although she does get jealous of the cat trying to get my attention all day, she loves him soooo much and will be heartbroken. I just don't know where to begin with explaining to her. I'm scared she'll think that we'll do the same to her or her dog (dog is fine, he's happy as long as he's got his bed and food) or that hes doing something wrong or she's done something wrong. I want her to understand that he needs more than me and her dad could give him 😩

Any advice on how to explain to her and how to deal with her being upset? I imagine she'll end up getting upset for years to come, her memory is insanely good.

Are you going to keep him until he finds that elderly couple or house with more space, then do a really good hand over to him? Maybe you already have somebody in mind?
That being the case you can tell her that our house, especially with a baby in it, wasn’t making her happy any more but Mr. Smith has a quiet house and will cuddle her all day.

If, however, you’re planning to send her to live in a rehoming centre until she gets chosen then that will be tough to explain because her life will be harder until she gets chosen (which could be a while at the age of 8)

No judgement over rehoming but please make sure that you are sending her to a better home first…than explaining to your toddler will be easier.

I wanted to rehome privately so it would be an easier transition but I spoke to the cat rehoming charity and they advised the best route is to surrender him to them as they do extensive home checks and will ensure he goes to a good home. He'll go to a foster home first but they assured me the foster carers are amazing and the usual wait time in the foster home is around a month before they find someone unless they have severe health or behavioural issues which he hasn't. They seem really nice and the good thing about the people who choose to adopt through them is they're often part of the local community and are proper 'cat' people opposed to someone on Facebook who just fancies getting a cat and not really understanding the care that goes into a cat (I. E. 19 year old me who got him in the first place not thinking 7 years ahead to when I might not be able to give him what he needs)

I don't think at that age children need a detailed/100% true explanation, just something that they can deal with. Would you be able to find a really super home for him first (not a rescue centre) and angle it that you'd all be doing them a huge favour allowing Catty to live with them and cheer them up, that it's time to share Catty with other more needy people? By the way, I think you're doing the right thing, cats are fickle folk and will soon adjust to another loving home - much as I love them and if all else fails, I would always put my family first. Good luck.

Sounds like an excellent set up then, I wish more rescues were able to work like this.

i suppose the sticking point for many is being able to find and fund the foster placements.

Anyway, for you I think I would just say that kitty isn’t very happy living in our house because it’s too crowded and whoever she goes to next is helping kitty to find a really lovely home.
Maybe ask if the future adoptees would be willing to send a card or photo once she has settled?

He'll go to a foster home first but they assured me the foster carers are amazing and the usual wait time in the foster home is around a month before they find someone unless they have severe health or behavioural issues which he hasn't.

OK, speaking as an ex-fosterer, that’s much better than him being stuck in a shelter. Also while I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect the future adopters to stay in touch with the OP, I still get updates from most of the people who adopted the cats I fostered & I’d have been happy to forward pics & notes to the original owner in these circumstances.

Posted simultaneously with your update. Do you need to say it's a foster home? Couldn't it be Catty's wonderful real home? My original post still stands - children that age only need to be told enough for them to deal with!

Is the cat actually showing signs of being stressed or unhappy? Inappropriate toileting, over grooming etc.

Yet another cat dumped in its old age when kids come along. Nice.
Who is going to want an elderly cat? There are not people rushing to adopt them.

Or just signs of being a bit inconvenient?

Do you feel better about yourself for that comment?

Not dumped but lovingly rehomed so he can live the next 10 years in a home where he is truly happy. Why should he stay in a home where he is unhappy when he could be loved on endlessly by a child free couple who can give him space and time that I cannot give? Stfu, you'd rather an animal not live their best life. I've done everything to make him as happy as can be and he isn't. I know him and love him best and I know what he needs. The animal rescue have even agreed that this is the best move for him.

If you can absolutely guarantee that she won't see the cat again (ie he's not being fostered round the corner), I'd tell her that he'd died. That heads off any worries about the dog or anything/anyone else being given away.

Yes sometimes he would be considered inconvenient to others but I've not once complained or not wanted to do what's best for him, I'd have a house full of cat p*ss blankets to wash it he was happy but he isn't. He scratches furniture and I laugh it off, I don't care about any of that and would do it and have done it for years. I've spent hundreds I cant afford on vet trips and feliways and I would continue to for him if he was happy. But when I sit down at the end of the day and give him that 10 mins of attnetion he's wanted all day and go through what he's done all day and what he's done is been disturbed from room to room in our tiny house, paced around meowing for attention, been moved off counters as I try make snacks and cook all to get 10 measly minutes in the evening when I know he could have a child fee person have him on their lap all day and give him his own big space and maybe even a catio. I've tried everything to make him happy but right now he needs more space and time and I have neither of those. I'm a few years I could offer him a bigger home and older children that can love on him but that's years away, should he suffer in this unsuitable home for years for the chance at spending the last few years of his life in peace or should be find a new home now and live it the way he wants to for the next 10 years?

Do you feel better about yourself for that comment?
Not dumped but lovingly rehomed so he can live the next 10 years in a home where he is truly happy. Why should he stay in a home where he is unhappy when he could be loved on endlessly by a child free couple who can give him space and time that I cannot give? Stfu, you'd rather an animal not live their best life. I've done everything to make him as happy as can be and he isn't. I know him and love him best and I know what he needs. The animal rescue have even agreed that this is the best move for him.

Yes sometimes he would be considered inconvenient to others but I've not once complained or not wanted to do what's best for him, I'd have a house full of cat p*ss blankets to wash it he was happy but he isn't. He scratches furniture and I laugh it off, I don't care about any of that and would do it and have done it for years. I've spent hundreds I cant afford on vet trips and feliways and I would continue to for him if he was happy. But when I sit down at the end of the day and give him that 10 mins of attnetion he's wanted all day and go through what he's done all day and what he's done is been disturbed from room to room in our tiny house, paced around meowing for attention, been moved off counters as I try make snacks and cook all to get 10 measly minutes in the evening when I know he could have a child fee person have him on their lap all day and give him his own big space and maybe even a catio. I've tried everything to make him happy but right now he needs more space and time and I have neither of those. I'm a few years I could offer him a bigger home and older children that can love on him but that's years away, should he suffer in this unsuitable home for years for the chance at spending the last few years of his life in peace or should be find a new home now and live it the way he wants to for the next 10 years

Yes he is and has done since we moved to the smaller home. He paces around, he stress eats, over uses his litter tray, meows for attention all day.
I've done everything I can, the vets have checked him over bloods and everything and it comes down to stress and being unhappy in his environment. I don't care if he pees over things, I'll wash them, I'll clean his litter tray 5 times a day for the rest of my life, I'll spend £100s on antistress medication and feliways or deal with any other unwanted behaviours (though there isn't any other than peeing on things) if he was truly happy here but when I look at his mental state through the day I just feel awful for him. He needs a calmer home with more space and someone that can give him all the attention he wants.

Just to give you a viewpoint from somebody who has recently rehomed an 8 year old cat - his previous people were like you, loved him so much but once they had children in a small flat, they realised he wasn’t happy. They chose to do a private rehome, and he has come to us. He has loads of space, we are retired so loads of attention too. It was a bit tricky for the first few weeks as he was very nervous, understandably. But now he seems happy, and is very affectionate with us. He loves to sit on laps, and sleeps on our bed at night.
He had problems with over grooming, which we hope will improve now. He actually has started to go out, I was apprehensive at first as he’d always been an indoor cat, but he loves our small garden and doesn’t go far. So I think you are definitely doing the right thing for him, especially as you will be moving in the future.
We send updates to his previous people, and I hope they feel content that he is now established in a new home. He hasn’t been with us for long, but we already love him loads!

Has he never wanted to go outside ?
I know a lot of cats are happy indoors and some have health issues or breed issues that make going outdoors a non starter .

Our cats are 7yo and have had outdoor access since we got them at a year old so I;ve never had an indoor cat
I know people always suggest "Catio" in these posts , but it depends if you have the space and money.

Regarding re-homing animals , all of our guinea-pigs were rescues . When we got them we changed their names if they had them or named them if they didn't . They started a new life and we appreciated that it must've been tough for the owners to relinquish them. Except one who was dumped . <sad>

And just to add, having an unplanned child has never made my cat inconvient to ME, nothings really been that inconvenient to me other than a few p*ssy towels and blankets and that's not really adding much to my load anyway. The child and living situation has been inconvenient to HIM - the cat. He's the one suffering in this living situation.

In that case it does sound like the right thing.

If you don’t have time for a cat, I’m wondering where you will find time for the new baby?

@WakingUpTheNeighbours judgement is not what she asked for. Or sarcastic comments.

op. I once had a dog. But it was very nervous reactive and in the end it actually went for my son’s neck. I asked for ideas on here just incase even after I had spoken to the vet and had worked with a behaviourist. The comments I got on here were awful. I had been neglecting the dog to get to that point. I shouldn’t rehome even though my dog was dangerous.

When an animal is not happy I would always rehome if you can find somewhere wonderful for it to go. My dog went to somewhere that was safe for him , other people and he was finally safe and happy. Only you know your cat and how they are behaving. I lost my cat last week. So I wanted to say I’m sorry as I know how hard loosing an animal can be even if they are not old.

It was neither judgement or sarcasm. Ime, a new baby takes up much more time than a cat, so OP needs to think how she will cope with a new baby, whether she re homes the cat or not.

It sounds as if the cat would be much better off in a foster home, where he’ll have space, peace, & attention, than in a small crowded house with 2 small kids. I know which I’d prefer if I was a cat.