Help - we need to make a big decision re our cats

[Potatobakes]

I feel ridiculous for even posting this. But I’m not sure where to turn for advice. Please be kind, I feel guilty enough already.

We need to make a decision about our cats. They’re approx 4 (two girls). They were abandoned at a vets as young kittens and were in a bad way. One of them had to have an eye removed to save her life. No one wanted to take them on and a friend of a friend tugged on my heart strings and we took them in when they were a few months old. So I know this situation is my fault. We have kept them indoors, mainly because we used to live on a busy corner and also because of the one-eyed cat.

One is very confident, sociable, very annoying if I’m honest (she is constantly under your feet, has bounds of energy and won’t leave you alone (it doesn’t matter if it’s us or a stranger visiting). The other is very nervous around most people, scared of her own shadow and does not seem to like kids (I guess they’re unpredictable, noisy etc!).

We have a 22 month old and pregnant again due in a few months. We moved house last summer. In the last few months we’ve had several instances of one or both of them weeing where they shouldn’t. Their litter trays cause more arguments than they should. And if I’m being totally honest with myself, since I became pregnant the first time, I have become so much less affectionate towards them. I feel awful for writing this down. But it’s me being honest. I never imagined this could happen having always been a cat person. But I just don’t enjoy being in their company. I see them for all their faults - causing us stress. I know this isn’t fair.

I’m conscious nervous cat is going to struggle even more with the arrival of baby number 2. And our tolerance and stress levels aren’t going to improve then either.

I find myself with two options. Because realistically, I don’t believe that keeping things how they are is feasible. And this is where I’d be so grateful for other people’s thoughts:

1. look to rehome them to somewhere where they will be happier, and ultimately more valued as they deserve. Or, rehome nervous cat who is not suited to being around children. Not sure if it’s best to keep them together or separate (they’ve been fighting each other more recently, but before this were fine together, though not particularly close)

2. try letting them outside first, in hopes that this helps their behaviour and reduces their stress/ is more stimulating for the very needy cat. My worry about this is whether they’d be able to cope with this after being indoors until now, and it may not solve things anyway.

what would you do? 😔 Thank you

Poor things are probably bored and stressed from being stuck indoors 24/7 - of course you should let them out.

We had a little bit similar with our cats, though not quite as extreme. They had been mostly indoors for first 3 years due to living near an unsafe road (and disability affecting one of them) but when we moved and had kids, they clearly weren't happy and began weeing indoors. It became untenable.

We let them outside and it resolved everything. It's been 8 years and no injuries or accidents related to the road. I think they are actually safer having been indoor cats because they are little homebodies who don't roam particularly far. That said we have a good garden for them and do live in a particularly low traffic / safe environment. In truth, I also feel less guilty about having less time for them because they get quite a lot of affection from some of the neighbours!

As PP has suggested, cats are much happier when able to roam on their own terms. I think it's so important to their wellbeing (in most cases) that it's worth the increased risks.

Thanks for your reply. I know you said “of course” as if it’s a given, but the vet was the one who suggested we keep them indoors when we got them, because of one having one eye. All of my previous cats have been outdoor cats and I’ve never believed in keeping them in. Trust me, our lives would be easier if they went out. I just worried about something bad happening to them because of what the vet had said.

Are there other cats or foxes in your immediate vicinity?

Id be inclined to get a cat flap which you can lock, and try letting them out. Do it in the spring when it is warm, go outside with them at first.

We had a home-body cat and she really never went further than the edge of the front garden. Perfectly safe.

Thank you so much for your reply. This is so helpful to read, and really reassuring. Your situation sounds very similar. Fortunately, we have moved to a quieter area with less through put which I’m hopeful about. Although now that we are backing on to fields, we have seen foxes about a fair bit which worries me! I think it sounds like we should give it a go to see if this helps them. Thanks again!

Let them outside & either you or another adult in the house give them a bit of attention. They really don’t ask for much. Poor things are probably fed up but it won’t take a lot to change/help that for them.

Get a tracker and let them out - this will solve any issues.

Yes to both. We don’t live in as busy an area as we did before. But we back on to fields and I have seen foxes a few times (including in the middle of the day today, though I suspect that’s because there was a hunt nearby), so this does worry me

We do give them attention (I appreciate I have made it sound like we don’t). But it definitely could be more. I just feel so touched out and the more needy one is never content with how much fuss you give her, always wants to be sat on you, pushes your hand away if you’re on your phone etc. I have never had a cat so intense (this is a word a lot of people have used to describe her!). So just not a great combination of her high needs and my lack of affection :(

I'm didn't want to be too identifying but our circumstances are nearly identical down to one of the cats being disabled and the recommendation to keep them indoors as a result. But of the two, he was the one with the greatest need for freedom.

Weeing inside was a sign of misery and stress. As a disabled cat who has a weeing indoors problem, he wasn't going to find another safer, happier home. There are foxes where we live too and nothing has befallen him. But honestly, if it had, I would have no regrets because we felt there was no other option for his happiness.

That seems to be the consensus. I have just recently got air tags for them both in hopes of trying this. So I think that’s what we’ll do. I just worry about cars and foxes etc.

I have a cat with one eye (removed as a young kitten due to injury). She goes outside and has been absolutely fine. We were never told to keep her inside and she seems to have adapted really well.

Let them out. It will make everyone's lives so much easier. Our sassy tabby is always dead set on going out. Until it's cold and wet. She pretends she wants to be out all the time. Reality, I've just changed the litter tray yet again!

If you can afford it a robot toilet is a game changer all you literally have to do is top it up and empty it once a week and it’s already in a waste bag. It will stop any arguements. Also I agree to get a cat flap let them get used to it.

Could you cat proof your garden? It's been a game changer for my indoor cats, you could get a behaviourist in aswell, if they are insured it should be covered

My tabby is special needs after a horrible accident when she was a 7 month old kitten and can't use a cat flap. We have got quite used to all sorts of vet stuff and opening doors! The worst bit is the other 2 cats expect butler treatment n

I’d definitely let them outside. They must be be bored and frustrated. They need to roam; it’s in their nature unless they are really timid cats bred to be house cats. One eye is a disability and there may be a higher risk of a traffic accident but on the other hand you will have cats living a very limited life.

Agree about letting them out, just take it slowly at first and go out with them, get a microchip cat flap so you don’t get other cats coming in as that causes a lot of stress!

Have you got a Feliway plug in to calm the more anxious one? Lots of hiding places for her to get away from the kids as well. At least 2 litter trays. I know how you feel as I struggled with my cats when I had babies / very young kids, they take all your energy and pets can feel like a step too far. I also found my cats more needy for me when I was pregnant! They know!

Can your partner try to dedicate a bit more time to them at the moment, even just 5-10 mins a couple of times a day stroking or playing with them. Things will settle down, but definitely recommend a plug in if you haven’t tried one.

There is absolutely no reason not to let your cat out because it has one eye. One of my cats had an eye removed because he had cancer. There was never any mention made of keeping him indoors, he had always gone out and he continued to do so. The vet actually said he would quickly compensate for only having one eye and it would make little difference to him.

And foxes would not bother me at all either. My cats have lived amongst foxes with no problem.

So I'd let them out. They will have more interesting lives and will not be cooped up together annoying you and each other.

Don't worry about the foxes, there are loads where we are and they and the cats just avoid each other. Tons of cats on my road and I've never heard of any bother

Thank you for the reassurance! The vet never said we must keep them in, but they said it’s our choice and when we mentioned the possibility of keeping them in they said that this is what they would do in our position. When we mentioned it recently at their health check, they said it’s 50/50 whether letting them out is for the best or not. But I think this thread has really helped reassure me that it’s the right decision for them and us.

I think that’s what we shall do! Thank you for the advice, I do appreciate it. I suspect at least one of ours (the nervous one) will be like this. She’s never shown any interest in going outside. The other one does chirp at birds and show some curiosity when the door is open!

I might look into this. For our sanity lol. Thank you

I don’t think we’d have much joy in this unfortunately. The consensus seems to be that letting them out is in their best interests though! We cancelled our pet insurance recently because everything we ever take them for seems to fall outside of their insurance because they had cat flu as kittens!

I definitely agree with letting them
out. It will change your life while still being able
to have them as you’re beloved pets. I’ve always had outdoor cats up until the last 4 years where I’ve had two main coon sisters who have been fine indoors. Then I stupidly (but not regrettably) bought a main coon male two years ago and by heck he has been hard work!! I have just decided to let him out to give him more than we can give him indoors and I was so scared to begin with! To my joy (and amusement) he only stays in our garden (it’s a decent size) and does not venture any further! At now for least! It’s put my mind at rest and yes he’s now an angel through the day! I’m so glad I did it. My outdoor cats have always been the happiest. Good luck 🤞🏻