I feel so alone and guilty for hating my puppy

[Blondie96]

Hi guys,

I really didn’t know where to post this, however over the years I have read many forums on here and found that it seems to be like a great place for some support whilst venting if nothing else.

I have two kids, a son who is about to turn 8 and a 19 month old son. We recently decided to get a puppy after waiting for years for “the right time”. Our puppy is a 3 month old basset hound. We did lots of research for breeds that are family friendly and not too demanding and came to the conclusion that a basset hound would be a great fit for our family.

Here is where I feel like the world’s worst owner. Our puppy is beautiful, she is great towards the kids and all she wants is a cuddle and some belly rubs. As much as she likes to play, she’s also pretty chilled out. However, since we brought her home, I feel I resent and dislike her more and more each day. She wee’s and poo’s EVERYWHERE. I will take her outside for long periods at a time and she refuses to do anything. The moment she comes inside, she will proceed to wee and poo all over the carpet. No matter how hard I try, she will not have it any other way. I’ve tried taking her on her lead and walking her around outside. I’ve put toys in the garden and played with her to make her see it’s not a bad place to be. I’ve tried feeding her outside and giving her chewy treats to distract her with whilst she’s out there. I’ve tried leaving her out there to familiarise herself with the area to see if she will find her own “area”. She will just bark and whine and scratch at the door until she comes back inside. I appreciate she is only a puppy, and I feel bad for letting this get me so down, but my house constantly smells of wee and I want to cry all of the time. My toddler often can’t play safely on the living room floor as there is so many wet patches where she’s wee’d and I’ve had to clean it but it still smells awful. I’ve reached a point where I feel like I’ve made the worst mistake ever by getting her and I wish I could press an undo button. I’ve grown up with dogs and I’ve never felt this way with any of them. I feel like I’m failing the puppy by feeling this way as she doesn’t deserve that, but I also feel like I can’t tolerate another day of this. I cry all of the time. I feel like I’m never relaxed, I’m always worrying about her weeing or pooing or keeping my son out of the dirty patches. I have OCD (diagnosed as a teenager but it’s gotten worse with age) so I’m sure that doesn’t help things, but my god I am struggling. I really hoped having her would complete our family and I’d be overwhelmed with love for her, but I really feel the opposite way. I’ve vented my feelings to my partner and close family and they all say it’s horrible of me and make me feel worse and now I just feel so isolated and alone all day with her. I haven’t stopped crying and I hate this. I just want everyone, including the puppy, to be happy.

Im really hoping someone else has been in a similar situation and can offer any hope or advice on what to do. I don’t want to give up on her, but I also can’t stand the thought of dealing with this anymore.

thank you in advance x

Do you know how to potty train a pup? Speak to a trainer, or there are plenty of groups on Facebook that offer good advice. It’s normal to feel frustrated with a new pet that’s being challenging with their training, it’s what you do about it that matters.

Can you afford to get new flooring? Something you can easily mop/wipe?

Does she have a crate ? If she won’t go outside and goes as soon as you take her in pop her straight in the crate so she doesn’t mess your floors

I do know about potty training. This isn’t my first dog and as much as my previous dog had accidents as a puppy, he was a dream to potty train as was my dog before him. However, this pup has thrown me through a loop and I really don’t know how to help.

I can’t afford new flooring right now, and I only had this carpet fitted a few months ago and it took a long time to save up for it😞

As you say she is only a baby and it sounds like you’re a bit overwhelmed juggling her needs with your toddler’s, seemingly by yourself. Agree to look into a crate or a puppy corner, ours were in these until they were more or less “potty trained” which doesn’t take that long it just feels like ages at the time.

Thanks. I will definitely look in to a crate as on other forums I’ve read it is recommended a lot. I really want to put the work in and not give up, it just feels so overwhelming and lonely. I feel like I haven’t stopped crying. My partner is great with her but he works a lot so most of the time it’s just me, the kids and the puppy.

You're doing all the hard work, that's why.

It's not a you problem, or even a puppy problem. You're parenting (a toddler) and raising a puppy. Your DH is the problem here if he's not taking over when he's home.

Thank you. I feel awful for posting about this, it just feels so daunting and lonely. It throws me back to the days when I had a newborn and I’d find myself crying wondering how on earth I’d cope and find my feet.

she truly is a wonderful puppy, she rarely chews and she’s picking up on commands such as “sit” like a dream. She’s so loving, especially with my kids which is what I hoped for most, it’s just the toilet training. I’m sure that seems petty in the grand scheme of things, but it feels SO hard. My partner is great when he’s home, but that’s not often and it’s usually late on the evening so then it’s a rush to have dinner and get to bed ready for the following day so I feel like it’s only me with her.

Is there a room eg kitchen where you can put a baby gate up and keep her to there where there is an easier to clean floor ? As long as you still spend lots of time with her it will be fine till she gets the hang of things

When you take her out do you put a lead on her and take her to the same space? Hounds are easily distracted by pretty much anything.

Your husband needs to step up and help.

I also had puppy regret for a while when going through toilet training! It was so hard but looking back it wasn't that long a period of time. Crate training as others have said is a great idea. Will also teach puppy to settle on its own without you which will help with separation anxiety further down the line. Basically you can't let it out of your sight , especially after meals and naps. Take outside as soon as pup has eaten or woken up. Watch like a hawk for signs that it's about to toilet when in the house then get puppy outside asap. Lots of treats when they've gone out and done their business. Also invest in a good pet carpet shampoo to remove the smell, as the smell encourages them to go again in the same place!
My youngest was 3 when we got our pup and it was really hard to juggle . But it will get better.

A crate isn’t going to help with toilet training? I don’t know why people are saying get a crate.

You need to clean the carpet properly, she can smell her wee/poo and is going to go again and again. I think it’s enzyme cleaner. Need to start over with that training by the sounds of it! Some are harder than others. I’d also pick her poo up and put it outside. When she goes tell her ‘no toilet, go out’ and put her outside. It’s boring but you have to do it, give her a treat if she goes.

Can you keep her in one room until this toileting is under control? As long as you’re there too it’s fine. The cleaning must be really getting you down.

Join Dog Training advice and Support Group on Facebook or get their book. They have guides for puppy training (husband thought he knew what to do as he’s always had dogs - then we got a spaniel!!!), crate training etc. go back to basics. Deep breath, I’ve never seen a basset puppy, I think you need to post a pic for the puppy tax! I’d never had dogs before our spaniel, she was puppy farmed and a Covid dog we rescued, she had me on my knees in tears after a week. But she’s a dream now (most of the time) and that group saved my sanity!

Bassets are notorious for being harder to house-train (and train in general) than other dogs, I'm surprised in all your research you didn't come across that as it's usually the first thing long time Basset owners will tell you. My grandma has had them for 30+ years and always says the first thing a Basset owner needs is patience, and the second and third things are patience and patience. They're lovely dogs but training them is hard slog, with a toddler in the mix it's definitely not the breed I'd have chosen. They also tend to do better in pairs.

I think some puppy training won't go amiss, can your husband do it? You sound overwhelmed and Bassets need a lot of work, time and patience. One of the most stubborn breeds ever (they are truly lovely once you actually train them though)