Falling out with neighbour

NeatTraybake · 2024-07-21T14:26:11+00:00

So unfortunately we were 'those neighbours' for a good few months as we had a rescue that, despite all our best efforts, was very very barky. Even when I went on maternity leave, it started to feel like I couldn't leave the house because he would bark and upset the neighbours who we obviously didn't want problems with. We came to the sad decision, after trying trainers and considering all options, that we would rehome him. This took a while as we wanted to do a home to home scheme through a charity. He finally went to his new home this weekend. The neighbours are still grumpy with us and it's getting me down, as I really feel like we did everything once they told us there was a problem with barking. And have even gone as far now as rehoming so that they aren't disturbed. Just feeling sad and wondering if we even made the right decision!

Dearg · 21/07/2024 15:35

Wow, you went the extra mile there. Did the neighbours complain specifically about the dog barking? If so, do they realise he has gone now?
If so, and they are still grumpy , then I am afraid that’s on them.

Sorry you had to rehome your dog; some are just very barky and if they have been that way for a long time, it is especially hard to train them otherwise.

Hispi · 21/07/2024 15:42

I think it will just take a bit of time and they will be fine.
We had to live next door to a very barky dog and I can’t really explain the effect it has on you, I used to drive around and dread going home.
We spoke to the neighbours repeatedly and eventually had to make an official complaint, and the dog has since calmed down and just barks at normal things like the postman etc, although it took a while for us to get on better terms with them we got there in the end.

Original poster

NeatTraybake · 21/07/2024 16:51

Dearg · 21/07/2024 15:35

Wow, you went the extra mile there. Did the neighbours complain specifically about the dog barking? If so, do they realise he has gone now?
If so, and they are still grumpy , then I am afraid that’s on them.

Sorry you had to rehome your dog; some are just very barky and if they have been that way for a long time, it is especially hard to train them otherwise.

I mean we completely understood their complaint as he was very barky and was bad when we went out (we set up a camera to check). I don't expect a gold medal or anything, as I understand it must have been awfully frustrating for them! But to be very dismissive when we let them know, and now ignore us, seems unnecessary. We're still sad about having to give up a family member and the reason it took so long was that we wanted to exhaust every avenue first!

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Original poster

NeatTraybake · 21/07/2024 16:53

Hispi · 21/07/2024 15:42

I think it will just take a bit of time and they will be fine.
We had to live next door to a very barky dog and I can’t really explain the effect it has on you, I used to drive around and dread going home.
We spoke to the neighbours repeatedly and eventually had to make an official complaint, and the dog has since calmed down and just barks at normal things like the postman etc, although it took a while for us to get on better terms with them we got there in the end.

Hopefully they do forgive us in time! Totally understand the impact it must have had on them, which is why we made the difficult decision to rehome despite really not wanting to!

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Original poster

NeatTraybake · 21/07/2024 17:19

Maybe we should have rehomed sooner, but it really felt like we needed to at least try other avenues first!!

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ChockysChimichanga · 21/07/2024 17:21

Not being funny, but I think I’d struggle to be normal with a neighbour who complained so much about my dog that I was forced to rehome her. I get that barking dogs are dreadful for neighbours but rehoming the dog is a step I don’t think I could take.

Original poster

NeatTraybake · 21/07/2024 17:24

ChockysChimichanga · 21/07/2024 17:21

Not being funny, but I think I’d struggle to be normal with a neighbour who complained so much about my dog that I was forced to rehome her. I get that barking dogs are dreadful for neighbours but rehoming the dog is a step I don’t think I could take.

Thank you. We would have moved had we been renting but unfortunately we have only recently bought this house, and having just had a baby and being on mat pay we aren't in a position to move. So stuck with neighbours who were threatening to complain to the council.

I don't know if we made the right decision because it felt awful either way!

ETA I really struggled with the neighbour complaints postpartum as well. I had to take my son to A&E one day and we were only discharged around midnight. I obviously didn't have time to sort care for the dog. When I apologised for the noise, they yelled out the window at me and told me it wasn't good enough.

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Lurkingandlearning · 21/07/2024 17:38

You did the right thing. The dog will probably be happier if it is is rehomed where it will seldom be left alone. Rescue dogs can come with issues that can’t always be resolved in the first home they go to.

To clear the air with your neighbours I think I would buy a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates for them, give them a knock, explain you hadn’t wanted to cause them nuisance and have rehoused your dog. Then ask if you can all have a fresh start.

If they are still arsey after that then they are… arseholes.

I hope it works out well for you because pleasant neighbours are one of those lovely things that aren’t fully appreciated until we find ourselves with shitty ones.

Hispi · 21/07/2024 17:39

I think once neighbours are pissed off and on alert with an issue even reasonable things like not having time to sort the dog out before the A&E trip can make them react in ways they generally wouldn’t. Even now I get annoyed at the neighbours dog and have to remind myself to be realistic he’s going to bark at the postie etc and it’s not all the time.
I’d give them a bit of time and they’ll be ok.
As for rehoming don’t beat yourself up too much about it as long as he has a loving home he’ll be ok 💐

Original poster

NeatTraybake · 21/07/2024 17:41

Lurkingandlearning · 21/07/2024 17:38

You did the right thing. The dog will probably be happier if it is is rehomed where it will seldom be left alone. Rescue dogs can come with issues that can’t always be resolved in the first home they go to.

To clear the air with your neighbours I think I would buy a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates for them, give them a knock, explain you hadn’t wanted to cause them nuisance and have rehoused your dog. Then ask if you can all have a fresh start.

If they are still arsey after that then they are… arseholes.

I hope it works out well for you because pleasant neighbours are one of those lovely things that aren’t fully appreciated until we find ourselves with shitty ones.

Thank you. I think this was probably one of those lose-lose situations where we were going to feel terrible regardless of what we did!

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Original poster

NeatTraybake · 21/07/2024 17:44

Hispi · 21/07/2024 17:39

I think once neighbours are pissed off and on alert with an issue even reasonable things like not having time to sort the dog out before the A&E trip can make them react in ways they generally wouldn’t. Even now I get annoyed at the neighbours dog and have to remind myself to be realistic he’s going to bark at the postie etc and it’s not all the time.
I’d give them a bit of time and they’ll be ok.
As for rehoming don’t beat yourself up too much about it as long as he has a loving home he’ll be ok 💐

Fingers crossed they forgive us! He was too reactive for daycare so sadly we felt we had few other options.

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buckeejit · 21/07/2024 19:57

You absolutely did the right & civil thing - there are 2 reactive GSDs across the main road from me, (another house & massive leylandi plus road in between). I have no sleep problems but those fucking dogs are doing my head in-barking through the night, although they're kept outside which really doesn't help. I will have to knock on the door to state the bleeding obvious of how antisocial it is & I resent that I need to do this.

It's tough for you that your neighbours are still pissed off although I can understand it. The only other thing you could do is a leaflet/card drop to say sorry for the disturbance of the dog & you're aware of the impact it had on everyone & that it has now been rehomed.

It's a very difficult thing for you to go through also so go easy on yourself 💐

rwalker · 21/07/2024 20:18

You made there life a complete misery for months
There probably on edge worrying your going to get another dog
they’ll of had your dog barking in the day and your baby crying at night

I don’t think you’ll ever get back to where you were once you’ve pissed them off
but it will improve over time

Original poster

NeatTraybake · 21/07/2024 20:25

buckeejit · 21/07/2024 19:57

You absolutely did the right & civil thing - there are 2 reactive GSDs across the main road from me, (another house & massive leylandi plus road in between). I have no sleep problems but those fucking dogs are doing my head in-barking through the night, although they're kept outside which really doesn't help. I will have to knock on the door to state the bleeding obvious of how antisocial it is & I resent that I need to do this.

It's tough for you that your neighbours are still pissed off although I can understand it. The only other thing you could do is a leaflet/card drop to say sorry for the disturbance of the dog & you're aware of the impact it had on everyone & that it has now been rehomed.

It's a very difficult thing for you to go through also so go easy on yourself 💐

Thank you! Definitely hard on the neighbours, just hoping that in the long run it will be a better situation for all involved.

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Original poster

NeatTraybake · 21/07/2024 20:28

rwalker · 21/07/2024 20:18

You made there life a complete misery for months
There probably on edge worrying your going to get another dog
they’ll of had your dog barking in the day and your baby crying at night

I don’t think you’ll ever get back to where you were once you’ve pissed them off
but it will improve over time

Fair enough. As I said in previous posts, I'm definitely not saying we were in the right, hence deciding to rehome as we knew it wasn't fair on them. However there's a lot of pressure to not rehome dogs at all costs! Hopefully they do eventually forgive us as we have no plans to get another dog in case we end up in the same situation annoying our neighbours again.

Not much can be done about my baby crying although they did say they'd never heard him!

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rwalker · 21/07/2024 20:35

NeatTraybake · 21/07/2024 20:28

Fair enough. As I said in previous posts, I'm definitely not saying we were in the right, hence deciding to rehome as we knew it wasn't fair on them. However there's a lot of pressure to not rehome dogs at all costs! Hopefully they do eventually forgive us as we have no plans to get another dog in case we end up in the same situation annoying our neighbours again.

Not much can be done about my baby crying although they did say they'd never heard him!

Show quote history

you have to draw a line under what’s done is done

one thing that has come across is your not an arsehole neighbour you done more than many would to resolve the situation
and the fact your still bothered about shows your a good person and neighbour

Thistooshallpsss · 21/07/2024 20:58

How long was the problem for and how long since it’s been solved?