Sister-In-Laws Delinquent Dog

[Q105]

Hey folks. My SIL has a 9yo cockerpoo. It was a first dog in a non-dog household (neither SIL or BIL grew up with or have any experience of owning dogs) and they bought the cheapest puppy they could find online, collecting it from a motorway lay-by 😭

The dog is under socialised and has been trained so poorly. It has bitten every member of the household and we feel increasingly uncomfortable taking our 4yo son and 11yo pug to see the family there. But at this stage, I can’t help feeling like the damage is done.

Older PIL (in their 70s) were called upon to look after the dog for a couple of nights whilst SIL took BIL overseas to a concert. They have now announced to SIL that they will never dog-sit again. Dog is completely unruly. He is rewarded with a treat every time he is doing something antisocial (biting or stealing items etc) so it’s almost understandable. But if the owners don’t recognise it for themselves, then it is just parents being outrageous towards a beloved family member.

Is there anyway to gently suggest this asbo family retrain their dog? Really hard for me as I used to have a lot of input into rehab of rescue dogs before son was born but now recognise strained family dynamics! 😵‍💫

The dog is 9 years old. I'm not sure what impact you think your words will have. Say what you want, I doubt anything is going to change. Just keep your own family away from it.

I don’t think gentle persuasion is what is needed here tbh op. And they wouldn’t listen to it anyway.

You have very, very good reason to be fearful of your dc visiting this house as “visiting children” are among the most frequent victims of dog attacks.

You should calmly state your own boundaries using “I” statements and tell them that regrettably you’ve made the decision not to bring your dc over any more because of the dog. And follow through.

And if I were your mother, I would do the same, as I wouldn’t be happy being put in the position of having to be responsible for dc under those circumstances.

Then it’s up to your bil and sil as to what action they take.

I don’t wish to sound rude, but having started with a puppy farm sale, they will probably follow the path that most irresponsible owners take, which is to ignore all training opportunities and abandon the animal at a shelter when it becomes a threat to their own dc.

You've all wasted time being 'gentle' for years.

The best response would have been to say 'put your fucking dog away or we are never visiting again' after the very first incident.

However it's been 9 years already. The dog is middle-aged, you have less than 9 years left before it stops being a problem.

If they get another dog you all need to be clear from the start.

We didn’t visit for years due to being dislocated geographically. And our child is 4.

the dog has been reasonably behaved until covid as it was being exercised properly with a dog walker. But is now apparently ‘too old’ but also too anti social. This is a highly sensitive and intelligent poodle breed with no outlet for its pent up frustration.

They have talked about getting another dog and will almost certainly go the same route.

I think I do end up suggesting to DH that we no longer visit his sister