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Original poster

Advice after cat was killed

12 replies

jellySnake74 · 30/04/2024 19:33

I’m hoping someone can advise me on how to stop worrying about my cats being killed. Two weeks ago my oldest cat was run over and killed and now I’m utterly paranoid about the other two.

Dexter (10) was super confident and out all the time. Where I live isn’t super busy but there’s a traffic to an industrial estate right past my door and I have no garden.

Dex was forever crossing the road during the day and although I worried, I assumed he was looking out for himself.

The other two cats are a lot more cautious and scared of the traffic. They don’t go out during the day, apart from maybe sitting on my deck sometimes but if a car comes past, they are straight back in.

After dex died, I decided to make the other two house cats. But they really wanted to go out in the night and I felt awful for depriving them simple for my fear.

But now I lie in bed thinking that one of them is dead in the road and every morning I’m relieved to see them alive.

I don’t know how to get past this… has anyone been through it?

OP posts:
SevenSeasOfRhye · 30/04/2024 19:35

No advice but wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 30/04/2024 19:36

I can’t imagine how you must feel. A cat got ran over in lockdown in our road and it was unbelievably sad. I thank god our cat doesn’t like going out the front

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/04/2024 19:52
Sad But maybe your other two cats won't be as much at risk as they seem more risk averse naturally . And they will miss Dexter which might make them more keen to stay close to home . We have two cats ( as coincidentally the boy is also called Dexter ) They were born in a garden then taken into Rescue . They started going out about a year old . They tend to stick to the back garden and maybe one garden either side . But I like them having the choice to roam (and there are other cats about so I;m not subjecting my NDN to ours cats ) As they were outdoor cats to begin with , they have choices , And I feel that a cat with a full life of adventure even if it is cut short prematurely is preferable to one kept in against it's will.

Dexter wouldn't have known - one minute out adventuring , the next ..not .

EatCrow · 30/04/2024 19:54

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/04/2024 19:52

Sad But maybe your other two cats won't be as much at risk as they seem more risk averse naturally . And they will miss Dexter which might make them more keen to stay close to home . We have two cats ( as coincidentally the boy is also called Dexter ) They were born in a garden then taken into Rescue . They started going out about a year old . They tend to stick to the back garden and maybe one garden either side . But I like them having the choice to roam (and there are other cats about so I;m not subjecting my NDN to ours cats ) As they were outdoor cats to begin with , they have choices , And I feel that a cat with a full life of adventure even if it is cut short prematurely is preferable to one kept in against it's will.

Dexter wouldn't have known - one minute out adventuring , the next ..not .

Such a lovely post.

So sorry OP.

Cofaki · 30/04/2024 19:57

I lost my youngest cat a few days ago too being run over. He had a terrible habit of just suddenly running across the road. But I've always let my cats out because they love being outside and it's natural for them. This is the first car I've ever had that was hit by a car and I've had seven cats so far.
I think the issue here is your anxiety that's a manifestation of your grief. You can look online for ways to manage your anxiety, and I'd recommend you do as it can become debilitating if you let it control you (I speak from experience,).
I'm so sorry for your loss, be kind to yourself x

IkeaMeatballGravy · 30/04/2024 20:00

I'm so sorry about poor Dexter.

I know some will disagree but now your other cats have known freedom the best thing you can do is to let them continue, otherwise they will get depressed. Better to take the risk of a shorter life and have fun than a long, boring one.

coffeeisthebest · 03/05/2024 09:36

I am so sorry for your loss OP. A few years ago I lost my cat as she was somehow poisoned and her body shut down. It was absolutely horrific and I was in shock for ages. I had no idea how it happened and was so upset that I had missed her signals of illness until she was terribly poorly. The vets were absolutely amazing in what was a difficult time. In my distress I rang a pet grief helpline, which is not something I would ever have imagined I would do, and the lovely lady I spoke with reminded me that I gave my cat freedom to roam (she had previously been caged , long story) and that with freedom comes risk, but that she had been given space to be free, I had given her that. I found it so comforting and it stayed with me. And now your story has reminded me of it too. We can't eradicate risk, as much as we want to. You are still grieving the loss so your fear of losing your other cats will be heightened, but your sense is that you want them to be able to roam, as this makes them happy. Just be gentle with yourself, do what you need to do, and over time you will hopefully stop waking up with this fear. Or if it stays a while, then just tell yourself it is understandable you are so scared, but you want them to have freedom.

caringcarer · 03/05/2024 10:30

IkeaMeatballGravy · 30/04/2024 20:00

I'm so sorry about poor Dexter.

I know some will disagree but now your other cats have known freedom the best thing you can do is to let them continue, otherwise they will get depressed. Better to take the risk of a shorter life and have fun than a long, boring one.

Also cats are actually safer out in day than nighttime because in day they can be seen and at night cars go faster because less general traffic.

sawnotseen · 03/05/2024 10:30

Very sorry for your loss. Its awful especially in those circumstances. Coincidentally I have a Dexter too but he's my human son.
I've had cats for nearly 30 years and lost two to being hit by cars. It's devastating especially with the second one as she was missing a few days before I found out from a local vets when I phoned them all. The first one my friend saw being hit by a car on his way to my house so we did get him to the vets but his injuries were so bad we had to let him go. He was a stray that I took in. The driver just drove off despite my friend running after the car!
My mum has also had one killed by a car in her very quiet col de sac and no one owned up to it. Awful.
I've currently got two Main Coon female twins and I'm mostly keeping them indoors until they're a year old (they were spayed at 5mths) as I've heard that they then don't wander as much. Im not sure that's true but I'm being cautious. I do take them out in the garden on 5m leads though. I'm also worried about them being stolen if people think they're worth stealing for breeding.
I will let them out when they're older but will keep them in at night.
I hope you feel better soon and your two have long lives.

sawnotseen · 03/05/2024 10:34

Also, I agree that if your two are used to being outside, it wouldn't be kind to keep them in now. Mine are only indoor/garden cats as they've known no different. The two that were killed by cars were wanderers. Both were neutered as kittens but went quite far.

ouch321 · 03/05/2024 10:38

Catio?

MyOliveTraybake · 11/09/2024 18:29
Clap Clapping GIF

Should I let my cat out at night, usually is quieter at night, my cat she's one year and two months old, her sister died around 8pm, but usually after 10pm the road is very quiet I want to keep her indoors but she gets very stressed if I don't let her out. I have a cat flap so she can came in and out as she's pleases

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