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My beloved dog just passed :( feeling guilt euthanasia

18 replies

4658Lou · 02/02/2024 08:41

My nearly 6 year old Boston terrier has just been euthanised and it’s hardest decision I have had to ever make. I love him like a family member so this has devastated me. I had a home euthanise so he would be comfy and feel at home. For 2 years he couldn’t poo properly he went once 10-11 days without pooping and needed to go under anaesthetic and have manual removal of the poo the vet took an X-ray and he was so backed up with poo that she was surprised he wasn’t making fuss he was such a quiet little boy (which made me worry even if he’s in pain would he show it) the vet noticed on his X-ray Hemivertebra in his spine near the end which she said that might be the issue with pooping it would need to go around that butterfly shape vertebrae she said if it continued he would need to see a neurologist, but my vets always ask for payments upfront and then claim back insurance which can take weeks or months so you got to have the money upfront which is difficult for me somehow I found £700+ to give him a chance because vet said if it kept happening or if he didn’t have the removal prognosis is not good. Vet prescribed short term use of metacam for if the Lee was any inflammation of is spine and special food. Anyway fast forward he had trouble lots of time he was still straining mostly all the time he would have some time were he would poop everyday or couple days and thought great it’s getting easier but then it would happen again and I was using laxatives to try shift a poo or on tender hooks if he didn’t poop for a few days couldn’t let it do that long without pooping or I knew it would get backed up back to the vets and they wouldn’t keep putting him under anesthetic to do a removal of the poop. It happened again I had to take him the vets and they tried a laxative that went up his backside and sent him time that’s what they were willing to try and to let them know that worked it did and he went toilet so I ordered more and did use them over the months if I get he needed it, but he started really straining all the time like he had difficulty pushing it out, he stopped drinking completely for 4 months (must of been getting moisture from food) and lost a bunch a weight slowly over time untill one day I could see his ribs even though he ate properly so I didn’t understand this. He started having cluster seizures would have one every few days or a few on a few weeks then stop for a few months and then happened again. He started to loose ability to hold a urine or poo he started last few weeks doing it in his bed or around the house which was not like my dog :( he always did it outside. So I made the horrible decision to maybe end a suffering I didn’t know how he was feeling about all this it must not of been nice, I couldn’t afford to keep paying vet bills upfront and then not having it back for many weeks or months. If he needed a neurologist referral I knew that www going to be very expensive. I guess I’m just giving background here and to say im
feeling so guilty and upset like i got someone to murder him :( I knew he had the spinal condition but all the other stuff that was going on with him was speculation to what was going on does anyone know much about dogs and have some knowledge to what may have been going on? Here are his symptoms:

Hemivertebra
not pooping properly straining
seizures
alot of weight loss
ceased drinking water
Incontinence of urine and poop

could the above be caused by Hemivertebra?

im just trying to work through my grief and I guess I have alot of unanswered questions and wonders x

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AmserGwely · 02/02/2024 08:45

Oh love him, he must have been uncomfortable. I have no knowledge of the health things, but I think you've done the right thing. I really feel for you, you must be so bereft.

hannahcolobus · 02/02/2024 09:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

4658Lou · 02/02/2024 09:13

@AmserGwely i think he must of been uncomfortable for nearly 2 years he was straining to go do a poop I was on tender hooks feared keep taking him back vets to then say he needs neurologist I couldn’t afford that upfront :( insurances are good but I don’t know about anywhere else I had to pay upfront first then claim that’s very expensive I had already paid the evacuating under general etc and some medicines it must of been in total over £1000+ and I didn’t get it all back under insurance. He was a dog that must of not shown he was in discomfort? Because that first time I took him in he was so backed up with poop on X-ray the vet was surprised why he was relaxed but he was just like that a quiet happy dog just happy to be near you. Yeah I’m so upset even though I know he wasn’t the healthiest I just didn’t know what to do anymore the not drinking and loosing a bunch of weight really concerned me to think maybe something else was going on or maybe it was just stemming from the Hemivertebra. I kept thinking aslong as he does pass his poop eventually and eating I will keep supporting him but then he started to urine and poop in his bedding and in the house and I thought what’s going on for him to be doing that :( I felt sorry for him. I kept thinking how is he urinating so much and for so long like a really big wee when he wasn’t drinking … just feel so guilty I’m trying to think I did the right thing but I keep thinking if I had loads of money I could keep going but then if it’s neurological then eventually it will affect him I don’t think he was going to live to a old age with all that going on :(

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SoupDragon · 02/02/2024 09:14

It's a horrendous feeling. I had my dog PTS a few months ago and I have to keep reminding myself it was for the best and not murder. I kept having flashbacks. 4 months on it's better so just give yourself time and know that you didn't let him suffer. Flowers

4658Lou · 02/02/2024 09:25

@hannahcolobus yes I’m the same got so many doubts and questions :(. Did the grief counsellor help you? I do feel like that too. I do love him very much and if I could of helped all those issues I would of done so he just looked so thin that day he was out to sleep I even paid out £450 I don’t really have this but I wanted to do right by him to have it at home with a lovely service that comes to your own home they were lovely with him. I couldn’t stand the thought of going the vets with him in sterile cold environment I’m not saying this is every vets is like this but mine I felt they cared more about money

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aitchteeaitch · 02/02/2024 09:30

You did absolutely the right thing OP. Flowers

When we take an animal into our family, the hardest thing to do is to think about their quality of life, and take the decision that is the best thing for them, no matter how much it hurts us.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

4658Lou · 02/02/2024 11:12

@SoupDragon that’s how I feel I’m sorry about your loss. I keep saying to myself it’s not murder he did have things wrong with him but I’m in bits he only passed on Monday fed him in the morning gave him cheese which he had not had in years because was careful what I was giving him with the pooping issues :( it was the hardest day ever

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4658Lou · 02/02/2024 18:50

@aitchteeaitch i really hope so I think I know I had too he couldn’t poo properly because if this spinal deformity everyday I worried that his poop wouldn’t come he was straining all the time to poo along with seizures weight loss and stopping drinking I thought was it for best even though he was only just nearly 6 years old did I want to put him through a neurologist referral etc plus the cost just to prolong this for a couple it so years :(

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aitchteeaitch · 03/02/2024 17:11

@4658Lou He had the best life he could, and you looked after him till he couldn't go on any longer.

Take care Flowers

4658Lou · 03/02/2024 20:26

@aitchteeaitch i have really fond memories with him I gave him what I could and more, I just couldn’t care seeing him strain to go toilet anymore it looked like it was hurting but he was trying not to show it - and it all stemmed from this congenital spine deformity :( I wish bostons were not bred this way I wish my lovely boy was in another dogs body one perhaps that wasn’t bred such a way to have no tail and flat face - he wasn’t a breed I would of chosen originally - he came into my life and raised him from a puppy x

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4658Lou · 03/02/2024 20:27

I just couldn’t stand seeing him strain*
I meant to say

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Helplessandheartbroke · 03/02/2024 20:30

Hey op, in the same boat, 7 weeks tomorrow for me and the guilt has overwhelmed me. We have a support thread in the doghouse please join us if you're up to it x

DeadButDelicious · 03/02/2024 20:55

Hi OP, in a similar boat, we lost our rescue pug back in July, she had degenerative myelopathy and slowly lost control of her back end, her back legs gave out completely in the end and she was completely incontinent.

It was awful and it happened so quickly, literally one day she was a bit unsteady and the next she was dragging her self around as she couldn't stand. I knew it was the end and we managed to get an appointment that morning, she got so worked up as she hated the vet that she had to be sedated, I can't go in to all of that day, it's still too hard, but it wasn't what I wanted for her.

I still feel like I 'gave up'. Like I could have done more even though I know deep down that nothing could be done, she had no quality of life and it wouldn't have got better. I could have thrown thousands at it and it wouldn't have changed anything. It broke my heart losing her and she is the last dog for a very long time.

All my love to you, you did what was best, sometimes that's all you can do. Flowers

4658Lou · 03/02/2024 23:18

@Helplessandheartbroke im sorry for your loss too. It’s the worse isn’t it :( I just feel so guilt so upset and miss him heaps. I would love to join the support group - in the dog house is that the name of the group? is there a link for me to follow to join?

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Helplessandheartbroke · 04/02/2024 08:30

@4658Lou thabk you it truly has been the worse time of my life. sorry I don't know how to add a link.if you go to the dog house section it's called heartach after saying goodbye support thread x

4658Lou · 04/02/2024 08:31

@DeadButDelicious I’m really sorry for your loss it makes it worse doesn’t it when they are ill… how old was your pug x
my little one was going to turn 6 in July wasn’t completely incontinent but had started to that I was needing to change his bedding every day or every other day I thought this is going to get worse as that how it starts? My little one had something wrong with his spine and seemed hunched over when he walked.

im sorry what happened and it was not what you wanted for her at the bed but you loved her so much I can tell the way you write, but nothing could be done bless her, I bet she knew you love her.

I know I feel same I had two dogs the 6 year old that just passed and 12 year old girl left I won’t have anymore now after my little ones x

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4658Lou · 04/02/2024 08:34

Sorry I meant to say my little one was about to turn 6 in April *

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4658Lou · 04/02/2024 08:40

@Helplessandheartbroke i will look it up and try join thanks x

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