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Original poster

PTS - would I be doing it for me or for dog?

27 replies

tootiredtoocare · 15/12/2023 08:53

We adopted him from a shelter when he was about 7 yrs old. I don't know much about his previous life, I don't think he was abused exactly, but I don't think he got a lot of love either. He didn't know any basic things like 'sit' when we got him and he's never been perfectly housetrained, there had been the odd weeing accident indoors, but we had hard floors so annoying but not a deal breaker. We love him, he's the sweetest dog who is extremely loyal, calm and kind. He's now around 16 ish. He has the beginnings of doggy dementia, and is anxious and paces a lot, he's also had a couple of terrifying episodes of behaving terrified of something that's not there that lasted around 20 minutes, followed by extreme anxiety for two hours. He has quite bad arthritis and one of his back knees is constantly slipping in and out of joint as he walks, he is on paracetamol for that but is in obvious pain all the time. The biggest problem is especially now the weather's colder and the doors are closed all the time he's weeing indoors up to 4 or 5 times a day, not showing any indication of wanting to go out, which he used to do by sitting by the door. This means he lives in the kitchen/diner because obviously we can't let him in the now carpeted rooms. There have been probably 4 incidents in the past week of defecation also. It's causing us all a lot of distress and even though we know he can't help it, it's really difficult not to get a bit upset with him. He's becoming a source of frustration more often than the joy he used to be. However, he is eating well. He enjoys his short walks. He's never played with toys but still begs for treats and wants to be loved, enjoys being brushed etc, so he's not unhappy. I'm beginning to think it's time to have difficult conversations but I'm feeling guilty that it would be because of the poor impact he's having on our lives now rather than for his best interests. WWYD?

OP posts:
OwOwHolyCow · 15/12/2023 09:28

is in obvious pain all the time
This is reason alone imo.
As a human who is in pain a lot it’s bad enough, it must be miserable for an animal who can’t process the why’s.
He must also feel fairly distressed at not being able to manage to do his business outside. Add the dementia/terror episodes and it all sounds almost cruel to let it continue tbh

OdeToBarney · 15/12/2023 09:34

OwOwHolyCow · 15/12/2023 09:28

is in obvious pain all the time
This is reason alone imo.
As a human who is in pain a lot it’s bad enough, it must be miserable for an animal who can’t process the why’s.
He must also feel fairly distressed at not being able to manage to do his business outside. Add the dementia/terror episodes and it all sounds almost cruel to let it continue tbh

All of this. I think it's time, OP. Don't feel guilty Flowers

CrotchetyQuaver · 15/12/2023 09:40

He's losing his dignity with what sounds like incontinence, add that to his pain and general deterioration - I'd have no hesitation in making that call.

Spinet · 15/12/2023 09:44

I've said this before but assuming you're a good, loving pet owner (which you sound like) as soon as you start wondering if it's time, it's time and maybe even was a week or two ago. Sorry though. Flowers

Toooldtoworry · 15/12/2023 09:52

Better a week too early than a day too late.

In pain, onset of dementia. I'd be having the same serious conversation.

This is the hardest decision 💐

weaselwords · 15/12/2023 09:56

My old boy was very similar. Arthritic, incontinent and losing weight but still happy enough when with me. I chose to put him to sleep as he was cold and miserable being stuck in the kitchen all the time when I was in other rooms. He’d slid downhill so gradually, I found it really hard to see just how bad he’d got and probably left him a bit too long. It’s such a hard decision 🙁

Sprinzy · 15/12/2023 10:03

You ask if you’d be doing it for you or your precious dog. It might help to consider that it’s nearly always the right decision for the dog but not for you. The last kindness you are able to give and if you’re like me you will probably just know the right time. Flowers

rosao · 15/12/2023 10:05

My old darling dog wasn't quite as bad as yours when we made the decision. He was clearly uncomfortable in pain when getting up and down which we put down to old age for a while. The decider for me was when he looked uncomfortable even in his bed.

He had no incontinence issues and was still himself in lots of ways but we decided not to leave it get to the point where the light went out of his eyes.

The vet agreed with us and it was all very calm. I'm sure I could have kept him going another few weeks or months but it would have been for our benefit not his.

I think you know it's time op Flowers

Workbabysleeprepeat · 15/12/2023 10:05

Hi op we had almost this exact situation with our 15 year old rescue at the start of the year. In hindsight now, we realise that we left it a little late and he was very unhappy and stressed with the accidents in the house, the dementia and was in considerable pain. We were a bit blinded by our love for him and the fear of saying goodbye. When we put him to sleep he seemed so relieved to not be in pain anymore and it was very peaceful.
I think it is time, it is so hard. Go easy on yourself and don’t feel guilty, you have given years of love and happiness x

JustOneMoreBaileys · 15/12/2023 10:05

The problem when you have a dog whose medical issues cause you some work (eg incontinence) is that the feeling life will be easier (but sadder) after they have gone often clouds judgement. It causes this guilt which means you hate making the PTS decision because of a vague sense that you will get some benefit from it.

But, that is 'just' the guilt of a good owner. It's not reality.

The reality is that you love your dog, have given them a great second half to their life and looked after them well.

Take the toilet accidents out of it: he is now in constant pain and has had two very scary episodes and is likely to have more.

That is not a bad time for a dog to go to sleep. There is no perfect time to PTS and the idea that there is a single 'right time' is damaging, imo. All there ever is, is an owner making the best decision they can with love.

HandyLittleGadget · 15/12/2023 10:07

The main thing is that he's in pain. He isn't enjoying life. He's incontinent. He's old, and has got dementia. Please have him put to sleep, it will be for HIS sake.

Toomuchcawfee · 15/12/2023 10:08

I agree with other posters OP, you sound like a kind loving owner who is over thinking it but it’s time. It’s the last act of love you can do for him. It’s so hard though, I know.

ButterBastardBeans · 15/12/2023 10:08

I must have euthanased a thousand dogs over the last forty years.

Take him today. Kiss him on the head and wish him a happy Christmas and a safe journey and let him go.

For certain he is masking pain because they do to be polite.

Today is the day.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/12/2023 10:09

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TeddyBeans · 15/12/2023 10:19

I agree with everyone else OP. You've given him an amazing second home, you've done your best to see him through his illnesses but it's time. I dread the day I have to make the call for my dog but we do it out of love. Sending you so much love at such a difficult time 💐

Original poster
tootiredtoocare · 16/12/2023 22:18

Thank you everyone. I felt a bit like @JustOneMoreBaileys said, that I might be considering it because, undeniably, things will be easier when we're not having to clean up after him and worry about him. But, watching him the way he is and your supportive comments have convinced me its time for him. I think we're going to spend a couple of quality weeks and a last lovely Christmas with him, then make an appointment in early January. My heart is breaking, but I guess that's what you sign up for when you get a pet.

OP posts:
Toooldtoworry · 17/12/2023 00:02

Thinking of you @tootiredtoocare 💐

Nimbus1999 · 17/12/2023 20:45

I’ve come online to answer the same question. My boy is 13 and is now urinating indoors every day and managed to cover himself with excrement the other day. He suffers from arthritis and struggles to get up. He does still manage short walks but is slow and can’t go far. He sleeps most of the day. He has a new lump I’ve just noticed that will need investigating. I just don’t know if now is the time or not. Such a hard call to make.

weaselwords · 17/12/2023 22:50

Nimbus1999 · 17/12/2023 20:45

I’ve come online to answer the same question. My boy is 13 and is now urinating indoors every day and managed to cover himself with excrement the other day. He suffers from arthritis and struggles to get up. He does still manage short walks but is slow and can’t go far. He sleeps most of the day. He has a new lump I’ve just noticed that will need investigating. I just don’t know if now is the time or not. Such a hard call to make.

It’s really hard. I do feel for you. With hindsight, I let my poor old boy go a bit too long, but I didn’t think that at the time.

LoveToEatFood · 17/12/2023 23:00

I agree with all the posters who say it sounds like it’s time. If he seems to be in a bit of pain, then he’s probably in huge amounts of pain.

Our previous dog just had a bit of a cough, and has slowed down a little over a week. That was all. When I saw her chest X-ray I couldn’t understand how she was still up and about. If it had been a human they would have been in an itu with a machine keeping them alive. When she had the full scan at the specialist vets the spread of her cancer was immense. She had been on big walks with me every day the week before. I had thought her plodding on the home run was because she didn’t want to go home, but it must have been because she was totally knackered and in immense pain. She never showed it at all. They can be incredibly stoic.

Always a day too soon than a minute too late in my book. I wish I had had an idea she was so poorly a little sooner.

ButterBastardBeans · 19/12/2023 10:34

tootiredtoocare · 16/12/2023 22:18

Thank you everyone. I felt a bit like @JustOneMoreBaileys said, that I might be considering it because, undeniably, things will be easier when we're not having to clean up after him and worry about him. But, watching him the way he is and your supportive comments have convinced me its time for him. I think we're going to spend a couple of quality weeks and a last lovely Christmas with him, then make an appointment in early January. My heart is breaking, but I guess that's what you sign up for when you get a pet.

This is nice.

That you are going to have a last Christmas with him I mean.

In veterinary there is such a thing as the 'Christmas clear out' and it's disheartening at best.

This is when people realise that having an old or infirm animal doesn't chime with their plans and so they decide to have them euthanased for convenience basically rather than when it would naturally fall in June July or September the following year.

It's a thing.

cheezncrackers · 19/12/2023 10:36

He's in pain. He's doubly incontinent. His quality of life is poor. Your quality of life is being severely impacted by his suffering. The kind thing is to PTS. TBH, you should've done it already, but call the vet today. You've given him a good life Flowers

Original poster
tootiredtoocare · 20/12/2023 08:09

@ButterBastardBeans this was my dilemma. I'm very worried that I'm thinking more about my convenience instead of his quality of life. I really don't think Christmas has influenced my thoughts here. It's just fallen at this point. We've had the incontinence issues for for about 4 weeks, but the arthritis is a much longer term thing, as is the dementia and confusion.

OP posts:
katmarie · 20/12/2023 08:21

It's such a hard decision to make isn't it op? We're coming to the same point with our old dog, he's about 16, going deaf, losing his sight, and his back legs are arthritic too. But for the moment seems happy and content, apart from needing a bit of help to climb on the sofa these days. It will certainly be time for him soon, though, and I am dreading the point where we have to make that choice. Love to you and your dog, you gave him a wonderful second chance at life.

Flooble · 20/12/2023 19:06

I just wanted to touch on this point - it’s really common to think about an impending sense of relief, or that things will seem less stressful when they’re gone. The reality is though that you will still love and miss him when he is. We missed the chaos so much and it didn’t feel like a relief to us, it was just a part of him.

I just wanted to say that either feeling is totally normal and it doesn’t detract from the love either way.

But it sounds like it’s time. His quality of life has gone downhill and that’s the deciding factor for me.