Struggling with guilt and remorse over the loss of my dog

[LJonesey]

I feel like I cannot breathe and like I want to die. My dog of 14 years is dead. Here’s the whole story.

It was rapid but she started showing signs of kidney failure a week ago and the vet said that’s what we needed to do. I am riddled with guilt because she was my baby for 14 years but I am now FTM to a human girl and I feel like with how demanding that is I didn’t get to spend as much time with her in the last 6 months. I also was more careful if I handled her because I was nursing and pumping and was super scared of her germs getting on me or the baby. The dog did stuff that normal dogs do like eat poop and smell poop and other dogs butts so I was trying to keep my human baby safe. But I feel completely devastated. I have been in the process of weaning and thought to my self when I’m done pumping I can reintroduce the dog to my bed and nap with her. I also would lock her out of my bedroom since baby got here cause she wouldn’t let us sleep and walk around making noise. Never in a million years did I think she would die now. I am in so much pain and expressing that pain is hard because again I have a demanding 6 month old.

Now, the pain of a quiet night that used to be filled with her annoying sounds feels unbearable. I feel like I want to die and made the wrong choices at the end of her life
I am in so much pain that I want to run and scream. The loss of my beloved dog is unbearable. What can I do to cope and forgive myself?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely little dog. She was a very good age and I've found with my old girl who is almost 14, that she just wants to eat and sleep most of the time. Your girl was warm and fed and loved. Yes things changed but it probably didn't effect her anywhere as much as you think. Do msny dogs are removed when babies come along but she was still in her home with her family. You have nothing to reproach yourself for, please be kind to yourself.

Okay when my daughter was born, I had a very hard time adjusting to my new relationship with my dog too, who up until then had been my baby. I had to push him away while nursing because I just could not have beings all over me and we moved him from sleeping in our bed to on the floor. I cried with my therapist about it, who happened to know a lot about it. She said I shouldn't feel guilty. Dogs don't respond in the same emotionally hurt way humans do. In packs, they understand that the social hierarchy moves about as new members enter the pack. She will have known that the social hierarchy of her pack had changed and it would actually have come quite naturally to her to change their status within your family pack. She wouldn't have felt this was you rejecting her, but just that she had a new role and the fact that she still had a role in the pack would have been comforting to her. I can't remember how my therapist had phrased it, but she said something along the lines that in my case, my dogs natural instinct would have meant that he understood the situation and accepted it without question or reproach against me.

A lot of dogs don't have someone who grieves for them the way you are, she was clearly very lucky. Try and think of all the happy times down the park and snuggling on the sofa, there were 13.5 years of that! And just half a year where she got to share your love with a growing pack. That's one lucky pup.

P.s she's gorgeous, and looks very happy. If you ever see her again, trust me, she will be so, so overwhelmingly pleased to see you again. Dog owners get an extra special welcome in heaven.