Can't cope with the guilt that I missed the signs my cat was dying

[Bullyrina0]

My cat died on Monday and I'm overridden with guilt that I missed the signs he was diabetic 😔 I can't believe I've been so stupid. He has been constantly asking for food and I just thought he was greedy, I don't know how I didn't think to get this checked. He has always been a food lover but I should have noticed the increase. I've been getting increasingly frustrated with the constant begging and feel so so awful that he was suffering without me knowing. He stopped eating suddenly last Friday and I took him to the vets last Saturday, who tested blood and said his glucose was high. He was kept overnight and tested for glucose in urine which was positive. They sent away a test for longer term glucose result but the results were going to take a few days. They discharged him on Sunday saying he seemed fine. Sunday evening I noticed he couldn't control his back legs so rushed him to the vets late at night. They said it was a suspected blood clot, kept him overnight to test for pulse in the legs etc. They thought the raised glucose may just be due to the stress. 730am they said wasn't looking good and prepare to make a big decision as prognosis for a blood clot wasn't good, although had no clear evidence of one it her than that he couldn't stand on back legs. Rang me at 1030am saying they were shocked he seemed to be improving, mobility was better than last night etc and maybe the clot was clearing, and made an appointment for me to collect him later that day. But 2 hours later they rang me to say he had crashed and died. This was horrendous and until today I still thought this was to do with a blood clot and not diabetes (they said his blood sugars had come down). However, nothing added uo to me and everything I've since read says they do lose control of back legs in late stage diabetes, and when they're about to die. I'm heartbroken, feel like I've failed my boy. The glaringly obvious sign was right there and i thought he was just being greedy. I can't get over it

I’m sorry for your loss. Even the vet couldn’t diagnose diabetes so how could you? Cats are known for being greedy so of course you assumed greed.

At least it was a quick death under the care of vets. That’s about as good as it gets. Not meaning to minimise the awful loss of your boy but at least you were literally in the process of getting him care when he died. You were a good owner, you can’t know everything.

I'm sorry, it's still very fresh but please don't beat yourself up. I had a similar experience, and I feel so guilty I didn't do more for my cat sooner (in her case I couldn't have done anything really other than have her pts at an earlier date I guess as she couldn't be treated/ wouldn't have had a quality of life , it was likely cancer). For me it was like when I saw her (my cat) on the vets table I suddenly realised how small and weak she looked, but somehow I hadn't noticed before at home. I think its when something happens gradually and you are with your pet all the time (in my case just the two if us) you don't notice the changes and then suddenly it hits you (and them). My cat was always quiet/ timid and such a good girl, I think she hid it well - which cats are inclined to do anyway.

Thanks for yiur reply.I think the guilt is eating me up because I knew he was asking for food more and more, and why did I not think to get it checked out. Also feeling so guilty about the fact that since my children were born 6 years ago, My cat got less and less attention. Before this he was my baby, I was obsessed! The craziest cat mum known to man! But in recent years I've just not paid him the attention needed, life just got busier and more stressful and I've let him down 😔 I really hope he knew I loved him despite me constantly telling him off for wanting more and more food 😢

Im so sorry about the loss of your cat and fully understand the feelings of guilt, the only advice that helped me was that you did your best for your pet with the information you had at the time. Your vet didn’t pick it up with their extensive knowledge and training so how could you? also you don’t know it was diabetes, has that been confirmed? Your googling will always find the answer you are looking for but may well be inaccurate. Pet loss is always full of guilt unfortunately whatever the circumstances, over time this will ease but it does take time, try and be kind to yourself, I’m so very sorry

Thank you for the kind replies. I just feel sick to my stomach and don't know how I'm ever going to be able to thjnk of him without feeling this guilt. I do hope the guilt eases soon, my mind is racing constantly and feeling disgusted in myself - even reading that back makes me feel like i'm being over the top but I just can't believe he's gone and am heartbroken on how it came about. Didn't get chance to redeem myself or say goodbye 🩵

I had a vet explain to me that cats are very well known for masking signs of pain and illness. It fits in with the theory if a wild cat showed signs of vulnerability they would be easy pickings for predators.

My cat died at the beginning of lockdown. He had had all sorts of ill health, but seemed to recover. He had put on weight, he was being treated for diabetes. He actually looked pregnant and I had booked him in to be seen by the vet the following Monday.

On the Saturday he had a seizure and later was put to sleep at the emergency vets after a lot of faff re covid precautions. It was thought he may have had some kind of tumour in his belly that finally caused the seizure.

At first I felt really bad, so I just remember all the good things about him, and the good life he had.

On the Saturday morning, he was behaving quite chipper, he was actually sniffing around the radiator as if he’s brought a mouse in and had lost it. Later I found him basking in a pool of sun. He had had a good life.

I think because of the nature of cats, it’s very hard to tell how they are feeling. I’ve had three cats put to sleep, and in all cases I have beaten myself up for missing the signs and leaving it later than I should have. Rationally, unless I was a vet, I think anyone would have done the same as I did.

Cats are very good at masking their illness
And it's possible the diabetes was caused by something else like a tumour, and that's why it was so quick. Even if you had taken him to the vets as soon as he started asking for food, and they had diagnosed it quickly, it could have ended the same, just you'd have had longer knowing how ill he was.
Please don't beat yourself up, you did everything for him and were a good owner.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I read this and thought that most of the cats I've had have asked for food a lot and have been healthy so I wouldn't have immediately assumed they had diabetes. Don't beat yourself up 🤗, it's so difficult to find out what's wrong with cats when they are poorly, if only we could just ask them. I have a big boy cat who is quite hungry but I always just assumed it's because he's out all night chasing mice and is quite active. Your post has alerted me to the fact that I should mention it to the vet if it continues though and keep a watchful eye so thank you for raising awareness of diabetes in cats. You did everything any of us would do so enjoy your memories of him ❤️

Also my cat got PTS recently while I was away, I knew he was ill but thought I'd get to say goodbye, he just crashed very quickly so I couldn't. But I'd rather miss out on saying goodbye than him have spent longer suffering.

We also felt bad for not realising how ill he was (he was losing weight) but to be fair the vets couldn't really pinpoint why.

I think its a really common experience when cats die. I'm sorry though. Be kind to yourself

Thank you for your replies and I'm so sorry to hear of your own misfortunes. The responsibility of the life of your pet is such a big thing and at the moment I feel like I'll never be able to do it again 💔
Just hope I can stop punishing myself soon as my children are having to put up with a miserable, sidetracked mummy at the moment.