Should I give my cat up!?

[CaffieJ]

Hi Guys,

Advice desperately needed. I have 2 gorgeous cats, who tolerate each other. We live in a reno house have for the past 4yrs and welcomed our first baby in April 22.

For the past 3/4months one of the cats has been peeing and pooing everywhere but the litter tray. It’s driving me insane. We clear the litter trays (one of every floor) every morning and evening. We have tried changing the litter in different trays to see if that will help - changing location etc.

But nothing works. We’ve taken her to the vets and they can’t find anything medically wrong with her.

My house is starting to stink. As she’s doing it in really obscure places that it’s not until she’s done it a couple of times you start noticing - we have some rooms unused atm bar tool/furniture storing.

Even though she is always pooping by the front/back doors.

In the last 2/3months since my toddlers become more active I have noticed she’s also becoming aggressive towards her and the other cat. The other cat they’ve never really got on but it wasn’t an issue (She’s 6yrs old, and he’s 5yrs so they’ve lived together for nearly 5yrs). Now we’re getting ear piercing howls, and nearly once a week they’re really going for each other. We separate them and then they’re fine for a week or 2 and it’ll happen again.

But with my toddler. I just don’t know how to handle it as she’s getting scratched a lot. (Always when I’m just out of the room) Luckily no bites yet. I don’t know if they’ll calm as my LO is obsessed with the cats and wants to cuddle/stroke/brush them all the time. (she’s 16m old) So maybe if she learns the girl cats signs it’ll get better. But I don’t know I’m worried.
I don’t want to not interact with the cats around my daughter as I think she’s trying to copy what we do… but obviously I pick up on the she’s had enough vibes.

I have children gates everywhere as currently we don’t have any doors downstairs so I can’t lock the cats away from my daughter. But they are free to jump over them and run away from her if they need to - so it’s not like they’re ever trapped with her.

In all fairness the girl cat isn’t the friendliest to others. She loves me and my partner, will come for cuddles let us pick her up etc without a fuss. But other people we warn visitors to not touch her with hands (as they will get attacked) and if they want to greet her, to give her their forehead so she can press hers against it. (This she is fine with for some reason).

Anyway. I don’t know what to do. I love her so much, all I want is for her to be happy and I feel like she’s just giving me the vibe that this house isn’t working for her which breaks my heart.

I don’t know if it’s the baby, (we have another due in Dec), our other cat - who is lovely but he’s a right jealous dick towards her. The house work or a combination of all the above.

As an addition, we have 3 climbing trees throughout the house, they have full access to basically the whole home bar our bedroom as our daughter still in it atm, and the girl cat will try and paw her through the rails of the cot.
They have separate feeders which are microchip feeders.
They don’t have free access to the outside as we now live in a town. But when we’re home we allow them in the enclosed courtyard or if a weekend/day off we let them out during nice weather.
They have plenty of areas to sleep, hide and relax in.

Advice needed please! What else can I try? How do you know if they’re unhappy and would be happier somewhere else? Am I clearly missing something?

Your cat seems to have become freaked out by your child starting to walk around. I think you have two choices op. Ride it out until your child is older and also until your other child is older. During this time let your cat live out, let her roam as this may help her with her stress levels let her be an outdoor cat. At the same time get the house professionally cleaned so that the smell isn’t hanging around stressing her out. Your other option is to rehome her to someone you know and offer to continue to pay food and vets bills, do you have a relative who can help out here. You cannot allow your toddler to be attacked like this when she is not even one. I would also be concerned for your other cat as cats can kill each other and seriously harm each other. In all the cat sounds utterly miserable and if you can’t rehome I would consider putting her down due to the aggression.

Your cat has been through huge upheaval and is very stressed, in your shoes I'd also be reluctantly considering whether she'd be happier living with someone else and I didn't think I'd say that when I opened this post.

First step is another consultation with the vets for advice - did they check things like thyroid? A disregulation in the thyroid can lead to increased agitation

Secondly, I would allocate her her own room house where only you and your husband enter. You child, guests and other pets won't have access.

Get lots of feliway and see if that helps a little.

At 2, your daughter is old enough to understand to leave the cat alone so I would focus on her too.

Alongside all this, I would also be making enquiries about someone to take on your cat because with another baby on the way I think she's going to end up unhappier.

It's heartbreaking but sometimes it's for the best.