Dog afraid of toddlers

[Dogmum15]

Hi everyone, I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and it has turned out alright for them?

A bit of background, so when my husband and I moved in together 5 years ago we got a little collie puppy (10weeks) that was a failed farm dog. He likes his home comforts and is the cuddliest little thing. He is a cross between a border collie and a rough collie so he is quite large with the most beautiful coat. He has always been quite a skiddish wee thing. Afraid of big roads, Cars, balloons etc we aren’t sure why but it’s just a quirk of his.

Anyway, a year ago we rescued a 7 month old golden retriever who our 5 year old collie couldn’t stand for the first three days. Completely ignored him and snapped when he came close but now are best friends.

It has come to my attention that my collie is really afraid of toddlers. When friends bring their children into my home he shakes and bares his teeth if they go near him, quite a similar reaction that he had with our rescue at the start. For this reason I keep him separated from any small visitors we have and he is happy enough. However, I have now fallen pregnant with my first and my parents are hounding me that I have to rehome him.

I am in contact with a dog behaviourist who is not concerned as he says the dog is not an aggressive one he just has a fear of young children and my child will be brought up from a baby with him. He has given me training tips to start right away which we are doing currently and he said when baby is born he will do house visits if we still feel they are necessary. I absolutely love my dogs, they are so kind and affectionate but I am up to high doe about my dogs fear of toddlers.

I think the fear has stemmed from when we lived for a short period of time with my mother in law and her many grandchildren used to call during the day when my husband and I were at work. One grandchild in particular tortured my collie and I only witnessed it one evening when I was home from a long shift and seen the child pulling at his tail and following him into his bed when he had given her plenty of signs that she was unwelcome. I politely told the child to stop and to give him his space but she continued and the dog bared his teeth. I had to ask the parents to intervene while I calmed the dog and from then I have been very conscious of his behaviour when he is around kids.

More recently my husband and I went to London for a few nights and I got a dog sitter in. During her first consultation she asked if she could bring her young daughter into the house on some of her visits to which I said I would prefer she didn’t as we were in training with our collie who is very nervous around young kids and we don’t want any incidents happening. I have since found out that she did indeed bring her young daughter into my home and my collie bared his teeth at her (didn’t snap). The dog trainer told my mother who now is insisting that I must rehome. I am furious!!

Has anyone experienced this sort of behaviour before and went on to create a different relationship between dog and child? I’m at my wits end.

My in laws have two dogs who are very hostile around small children. Like yours, it was because their young cousin's small kids were goading/pulling one of them as a puppy when visiting.

My in laws never, ever let them off lead around dd and shut them out whenever she's in the house. They had one incident (several years after that first one) with another young cousin, age 8 maybe, where the dog bit his nose - didn't even draw blood but apparently the boy made a mighty fuss crying - and now they are incredibly cautious.

I guess the risk of harm is just too great especially with a baby, dogs have been known to kill babies.

I'd rehome the dog honestly. I'm not a dog-lover so I may be biased, but my in laws are diehard dog lovers and they'd say the same

I asked my in laws once (before I got pg with no2) how old would dd be before they'd leave her in a room with the dogs? Because even I sometimes feel they're over cautious... they said, not even joking, 11yo. ...!!

Thanks for your reply @Mummy08m. I think that’s why I’m getting so stressed out is that I know how quick something can happen between a dog and a child.
I am a massive dog lover and I am big into training, so it would kill me to rehome but if I have to I have to.

I am the same as your in laws I wouldn’t leave a young child and dog unattended either. I have an aunt who keeps her dog on the lead with any visitors due to his behaviour. My dogs are great with visitors it’s just the toddlers my collie has the issue with 🙁

Could your aunt take your collie so you can still see him often? Or some other family member?

I'm sure someone more experienced with dogs will come on the thread soon with more advice but all my friends with babies and dogs have their dog in a crate and baby gates everywhere - if that's something to consider - but they're gentle/calm dogs around children in the first place so I'm not sure if that would work.

*dog sitter told my mother

not the dog trainer, sorry for confusion.

@Mummy08m to be fair my collie would probably love that to have his own space. I would definitely have the dogs separated… even my golden retriever who’s fantastic with kids. I just wouldn’t trust a dog around a young child if I wasn’t there to supervise. I just wish my collie was as gentle around small humans as he is around the big ones. He attends a “daycare” once a week that is run by a qualified dog trainer and she even puts him with the rowdy dogs that she needs to calm down because he’s so good with them. It’s just so out of character for him this behaviour. I know it has stemmed from fear but I’m losing sleep over what to do haha 😆

Honestly I wouldn't take the risk and would be looking to re-home him. Even if your baby grows up alongside the dog he's not likely to be comfortable with them. Babies are unpredictable and loud and they become even more unpredictable and loud as they grow it would be quite unfair by the sounds of it to keep your dog in an environment where he is stressed and on edge constantly.

Hi

My rough is also spooky about noises - hates trains, dislikes one particular stretch of road round where we live and don't start me on loud bangs or even faint pop pops in the background which could be gun shots or not. Collies are notoriously skittish. She can be reactive with people although rarely unless they spook her or get into her space. I would not let her near a toddler p. However, i do think that your babycwill be part of you - smell of you and thus be part of your herd very quickly so therefore your collie will protect it. I wouldn't leave dog and baby in proximity but think it worth going with the behaviourist recommendations first with appropriate safety precautions. Ivthink the main trigger for the dog will be baby crying or doggo may be fine as long as you show you are in charge so collie doesnt think it needs to react and protect you from this shouty interloper. Good luck.

@KathieFerrars Hi thanks for the reply!

Oh it must be a rough collie thing then haha he has always been like that! Yeah upon speaking to the behaviourist I felt a bit better about the situation but I’m just worried the closer it gets to babies arrival. He doesn’t seem bothered by babies crying, my cousins young baby has been in our house and he has been absolutely fine it’s just the unpredictable toddlers he seems completely terrified of. It’s driving me insane 🙁

Thank you for your wish of luck! I’ll need it x

@YourNameGoesHere hi thanks for your reply. Yes that’s exactly what I’m afraid of :( and I don’t want him to be stressed either as he really is an excellent dog.

@Dogmum15 I think he will be fine with your child but when it comes to friends round - nah. It is something I worry about too just in case (hopefully very hypothetically at the mo) if DS ever has children. Dog is still pretty young so wiil only be 10 when DS is in early 30s so it could be a possbut then again, I have a Phd in catastrophising.

We have a 4 year old dog who is a bit of a scaredy cat. When I fell pregnant I was worried at how she’d be as she got quite scared around my niece once she started crawling and friends’ toddlers. However it does seem to be different with our now 10 month old. I think as she’s seen her grow and recognises her as part of our family, she finds her less scary. We never leave them alone together, the dog follows me from the room if I need to pop and get something. We have a baby gate separating our living room from the rest of the house. It’s open if the dog wants to come into the lounge with us but we close it if she goes out in the hallway/ away and clearly wants space so she knows she won’t be bothered by the baby. I’m wary, but would be with any dog and baby - they don’t understand each other and so you have to supervise always and be their interpreter, but so far so good for us and our dog doesn’t seem stressed. She’s also got much better with other toddlers since we had our baby. Good luck, I hope you work it out!

@KathieFerrars Haha I also must have that PHD 😂 I am over stressed about the situation because I really don’t want to rehome I’d prefer to separate and train.

It is a massive worry isn’t it! Hopefully not though! Yeah the behaviourist told me when friends young kids come round just to separate and it is working. My dog is grand when he knows the child can’t get near him. Oh why can things not be simple haha

@PepeParapluie Oh thank you so much for this it is so good to hear a positive story! I don’t want to make my dog sound really aggressive because he certainly is not but he is definitely petrified of smaller humans. I hoping it’ll be a scenario like it was with our rescue where he will realise that our baby is no threat to him and he can learn that they’re not so scary. My child will also grow up knowing to respect his space etc. I think I’m over catastrophising in my head.

I went and bought a muzzle and she's been good as gold putting it on. Its one that allows her to pant. She wagged her tail at me when I put it on her. She's reactive to certain people coming into the house and so I got it so she can woof and we correct her but then I'm not on edge. Haven't tried it out properly yet but I feel more confident. I think they feed off one's own anxiet - particularly roughs - they are very sensitve.

@KathieFerrars that’s a really good idea actually! I have heard muzzle training when done correctly can be really positive for dogs. Yes the behaviourist says they deffo pick up on our own anxieties. I get really anxious when I know a small child is calling so it’s probably rubbing off on my collie. He’s not super Petted on me but has come to my aid a few times when my retriever has playfully growled at me and he thought he was telling me off lol

My dog is anxious of toddlers, I think because they are so unpredictable in their behaviour, often squawking and the like 😂 she tries to avoid them if they're around but if cornered by one might growl.

I've recently had a baby and was a bit cautious before hand but the dog has been so gentle and curious whilst being respectful of space. They're never left alone together which took a lot of conscious monitoring in the beginning but has become second nature.

Honestly I wouldn't rush to rehome. See how the dog behaves once the baby is here!

@applesandmares thank you so so much for this response. Rehoming is my absolute last resort it would kill me to do it.

it’s very promising to hear that your experience has been positive so far! I will definitely persevere and do whatever is necessary if it means my dog can live with my baby harmoniously. He is so kind and gentle with adults and older kids.

I think it just takes a bit more thinking! We got a high chair for the kitchen that is suitable from birth (reclines) so I can pop baby in there when in the kitchen so she's never on the floor if I can't fully supervise! Shutting the dog in a different room if the baby is asleep in her Moses basket and there's a knock at the door. Taking the dog out of the room with me if I need to pop out for a glass of water etc.

Development is so slow with a baby too so it's not like the dog will have to put up with them running around straight from the off! It's such a gradual process.

I've also been conscious of not setting the dog up to fail - not forcing closeness with the baby if they aren't interested etc. Essentially never tempting fate.

@applesandmares I love that idea of not forcing closeness. I let my dogs leave the room when they want, my collie deffo likes his own space and always has done. It stresses me when friends try to force their young kids to “pet the doggy” I feel like a real rotten person telling them just to let the dog do his own thing.

Thats one thing the trainer has me working on is to tell the dogs to follow me when I leave the room. It’s a great idea!

Why are people so stupid , your mother letting a child pull a dogs tail is a recipe for disaster

Poor dog ! Makes me wonder how many dog attacks are the poor dog just saying enough is enough !

Adults need to teach their children to respect all animals . My son has special needs and I've taught him to and he is brilliant with all animals so it's easily doable !

I hope you help your dog OP , it sounds like you are doing a good job .

@boboshmobo thank you for your reply. Yes exactly my thoughts!! I was so so angry when I found out as we were at work so obviously weren’t there to advocate for the dog.

The dog trainer also said straight away that that’s how the issue has arose and it will just take some training and working with him for him to understand that not all kids will be like that around him so I’m really hoping it works. He’s part of our family and such a pleasant dog otherwise x

@Dogmum15 . I would tell all visitors to leave the dog alone .. I'm sure some humans see animals as entertainment 🙄🙄

Best of luck

@boboshmobo I absolutely, whole heartedly agree. Thank you for your response. Makes me feel like I’m not a crazy person for trying to make this work. Some kids just aren’t taught how to properly respect a dogs boundaries and this is definitely where this issue has arisen from.

Thank you for your luck! I will need it haha

It's never good practice to leave a child with a dog unattended anyways which I'm sure you know .
Did the behaviourist tell you to get your dh to bring the blanket home first etc so they can get used to the smells ?

Your mother is the bloody problem tbh . Letting children swing on animals then blaming them 🙄..

Best of luck I'm sure it will be fine if you are careful