Bad news - how do we tell children?

[Dancingqueenwannabe]

Hi all, so I've been to the vets with our dog tonight and have been told we need to prepare for the inevitable. I'm utterly heartbroken as he's been my dog for 13 years. However my biggest concern is how to prepare our children who absolutely adore our dog and will be devastated when he is gone. I am at a loss what to do, please help xx

Just be honest and say the dog is poorly and is sadly going to die. How old are the children? That will affect it but honestly I wouldn’t say anything other than the truth

Thank you. Children are 7 and 5. 7 year old is incredibly sensitive and so attached to our dog... he takes after me with being emotional so will kill me seeing his heartbroken. We've been told to give our dog his best life over summer and then talk about his pain and what is best for him.

Just be honest but be prepared for them to be really upset, one of my dc was inconsolable for days after we lost our old cat and then dog a year later. Just remind them it's ok to feel sad but that all the joy the dog gave you is worth that .

Oh but I wouldn't tell them until closer to the time - like the day before .

I don't know how old your children are however we lost our dog earlier this year when my son was 6. My sister is the vet and she explained to him exactly what she was going to do and what would happen to DDog so that he could decide whether he wanted to be there or not (he chose not too). But more importantly she explained to him exactly why she was doing it, about why DDog was suffering and that it was a kindness to do it for her.

He was more upset the day she explained all that to him than on the actual day she was out down as I think he was fully prepared when the day came.

We have her ashes in a box now and he still talks to her. I found him eating his breakfast in front of the TV with her the other day too!

Same situation here Dd7 and my lovely dog is 15 nearly 16 .. he’s had numerous health issues for a while all being managed on meds but meds for his heart failure damage his liver ( which is also failing) I have explained to her that he’s very old and we are very lucky to have had him this long and all we can do is make how ever long he has left with us a happy time.. she makes cards for him and today was trying to talk to him through a dog translating app 😂 , I’m going to be heartbroken when he dies and the thought of her being heartbroken too is even worse. I’m not religious but I tell her he’s going to pet heaven and they eat chicken all day and play with all their friends and he ll be happy there as he ll be young again and can run about and play .. not sure if lying is the best option but I’m going with that as if it were true I’d be happier about him going too. So sorry you going through this Op sending love.

Just be honest and do not use the term ‘put to sleep’, it’s quite a confusing term for children. I know someone who did this and their child thought the dog would stay with them but be asleep.

YY the phrase ‘gone to sleep’ caused some confusion here too.

Our dog had been deteriorating for months and DC had heard us talking about taking him to the vets, and how he might be in pain and his quality of life.

Being honest will be sad but cause less trauma in the long run IMO

Remember to drop into the conversion with them that old age, illness and being put to sleep doesn't happen to people. It might save anxiety about elderly family members.
*Suggested through experience.

Do you need to talk about euthanasia at all? Tomorrow you can tell them, 'Darlings, we took DDog to the vet yesterday as we've all noticed he's struggling a bit recently haven't we? The vet was very kind but says that as DDog is getting old now his body just isn't working as well as it used to. He might not live for very much longer now, maybe only a few weeks. We're all going to love him very much and give him some extra treats and help him feel as comfortable as possible. Can you think of any special treats we can get him/walks we can take him on that he might enjoy?' And then just be there with the hugs when they get upset. You needn't mention PTS, that can be when the children are at school or whatever and then you can tell them 'DDog died this afternoon' without the details. 5 and 7 is a bit little to understand.

I really do feel for you. I've been there too many times!

I'd be going for the 'very ill' and gone to live a life of luxury on a farm if my kids were that age, and my son was sensitive, but each to their own.

So sorry you are going through this. It's an awful situation to be in - poorly animal and worried about the children ... sending good thoughts.

Our 17 year old boy was PTS earlier this year, my 8 year old DD was very attached to him. At his ripe old age I knew what was coming and had prepared her as best I could before the time and then was very honest in a clear, age appropriate way. Our vet was amazing and suggested taking a photo of him cuddled up to me afterwards (exactly as he'd died) so she could see he really looked at peace. I wasn't sure and thought it was a bit morbid but I'm so
glad to have that pic, it's comforted us both so much to see how peaceful he was. The vet advised I was very clear to say he'd been given medicine to die and just fell asleep in my arms first so didn't know anything except love to the end. Its really hard on the whole family but I really believe honesty is the best policy. So sorry you're going through this awful time.

I would start warming them up to the idea that he is very old and that most animals do not live as long as humans.

Take lots of pics and give him a special summer and then take it as it comes. I'd avoid the pts conversation all together. It's v upsetting as an adult and they will want to come and feel excluded when it's not allowed. If you are lucky he will just die quietly in his sleep and they can say goodbye.

When the possibility off death was discussed Dd1 aged 10 was devastated. DD2 immediately asked if we could have a kitten when our old cat died 🤦🏼‍♀️.

Thank you everyone for you advice and sorry it has taken me so long to respond. It's been a horrid week with a couple of occasions where I thought our beloved dog had given up, but he now seems to be responding to the pain medication and the vet was pleased with how he presented. Obviously this is a short term gain and I know we still need to prepare ourselves for the worst, but I feel better in that it gives us a bit of time to prepare the boys.
DS 7 held our dog on lead for the first time yesterday. He was thrilled because dog didn't pull, as he used to, but it gave me chance to talk about the fact dog is old and legs are poorly, we need to be careful, he won't be able to long walks etc. If we just get a few more weeks like this and we can make more memories then I hope its easier for us all.
I did read an article that suggested children sleep out the night before you pts and then tell them dog died at home. This can save them the upset that we put dog to die. Would that work?
Again thank you so much, my heart is broken knowing I will lose my 'first baby' and have to help my babies through this but your messaged have helped so much ❤️

@Lira715 I am so sorry you are going through a similar situation. Love the thought of your Dd talking to the dog through a translation app... so adorable 😍. Sending you the biggest of hugs and so much love ❤️
As my friend said to me "the hurt shows the love - no hurt, no love... incredible hurt, incredible love" ❤️