So hard caring for my dog what are the options?

[thedancingscream]

Hi there,

I'm looking for advice and hope you cab help.

I have a 13 year old dog. Recently I have moved in with my mum, She is disabled now, and she cannot walk and is not very mobile, so she needs a lot of care - wash clothes, do meals, take her out to shops, she's just not living a independent life. I have four children from age 2 to 9, so they need homework, and time and care. And I work full time.

My dog is old, has heart problems and lag problems. His medicine costs around £60 a month, which I am happy to pay for. But I also don't always have time to give it to him in a proper routine. About his routine, he is quite tetchy now in his old age so he wees out of protest, so I am often slipping in his wee or the kids are, then we all smell and it's more washing. This means I mop twice or more a day. It's all just incredibly hard.

I'm just not coping. I don't think I'll find someone to adopt, but please help me with where I should go that is reputable to do this if there is anywhere. I am in North London.

I don't think I can morally and ethically put him down given he is still him when he has everything he needs, though everything is quite a lot.

What are my options, if any? A breakdown is where I am heading. That's the default option right now. I'm just so stressed, shouting at kids etc. Once or twice my friend has taken him for the a few days and my life was so manageable. I'm beginning to resent.

Please help.

Totally this. You need more support, you really do.

As others have said rehoming him would be cruel now. He would simply sit in a rescue kennel until he dies or be put to sleep by strangers.

As hard as it is, this is part of dog ownership. They get old and it’s hard work but they’ve been a loyal pet all their life and deserve some TLC at the end of it.

When my old boy became incontinent we managed to buy a reusable dog nappy online to catch his dribbles that we could then wash and keep it off the floors. Something like this would make it more manageable.

Full time work and several full time jobs' equivalent looking out for four children 2 to 9 years old plus disabled parent plus 13 year old dog, you're doing well just to be able to post about it!

Small changes: put nappy on dog, reuseables will replace slipping and cleaning up and washing all your clothes and selves with an extra dog wash. Try to get some respite care for parent so you can manage mentally and physically from island to island of respite. Likewise the children. Even ten minutes a day to stem your senses from all mental and physical demands will build your resilience and allow you to take more joy from at least six beings who are obviously dear to you.

Sorry to say this but wow! The poor dog is 13 years old and isn't lying on his death bed just yet. To give him up for foster at this age would be just awful for him. He may only have another 12 months or so, surely you can live with that and give him a good life for what he has left. Looking for an easy way out to give the dog up is sad after you have had him, I assume, for most of his life.

I had to have my 11 year old Labrador put to sleep because she could no longer walk and struggling to breathe and it was awful experience so putting a dog down just because he is old and sometimes wets the floor....no words!

Just to say quickly - I didn't say I'm putting him down.

You are a caring and compassionate person who is doing so much. Whatever you decide to do you should receive compassion and support because you need it too.

Looking after an elderly dog is hard and a lot of people forget this when they take on a dog.
I wouldn’t personally PTS unless my dog was in pain and only you know OP whether your dog is suffering or not.

Is there anyway you could put an ad out for respite for him? I know there’s website where people look after dogs for short periods. There might be a lonely person who has some spare hours in the day who would like his company now and again.

Re-homing him would be cruel. Putting him to sleep would be the kinder option for him.

I recently lost my jrt just before his 17th birthday. He was on the same medication and had accidents.

I put down puppy pads and he used them, occasionally he forgot. I miss having to clean up his pee to be honest. Least it meant I still had him.

I think if you could get some help with caring for your Mum, maybe taking care of your dog wouldn't feel such a burden.

@TheLifeofMe I totally agree with everything you say. Sorry for the loss of your dog. I've been through the same with my 13 year old boy recently and would have done anything to keep him alive and yes, I also have a lot of stress in my life, I'm a carer, lots of responsibilities etc but you make a commitment when you get a dog for the full term of that dog's natural life. I wouldn't put a dog to sleep unless it was very ill and had no quality of life, not just because it's become an inconvenience.

So are you actually living with your mum then OP? I was wondering what your long term plans are here ? Aside from your dog which you mention here , you must be struggling with 4 children that young in your mum's house ? And I'm guessing with the age of your children that your mum is probably not particularly elderly - does she have a social worker ? Are there any siblings, partner for either you or your mum around ? I can see that the dog may appear to be the straw, so to speak, but there is so much more going on for you here .