How can I help cat and child bond better?

[Walvis01]

Hello all,

I’m a lifelong cat lover and owner. I always had Maine Coons, always neutered boys, who loved everyone and were totally gentle in everything they did.

My DD, aged six, is allergic and we got a Siberian girl which works for her allergies. Beautiful cat, almost a year old now, neutered but still v, v playful. We selected the breed because it’s largely hypo-allergenic but also it is meant to be dog-like and child-friendly in temperament.

Now: whilst the cat is very bonded to all family members in terms of following us around the house etc, she really has decided that I would be “her person” and she doesn’t really let my DD stroke or cuddle her much. She’s still v playful and bites and scratches in a playful way, whether because she wants to play or doesn’t want to be cuddled, and it’s obviously painful for a small child. Plus it breaks my heart that our cat has not got that Maine Coon gentleness meaning my DD just hasn’t got the pet she was dreaming of. We’ve had her from 16 weeks old from a reputable breeder, socialised in the family. And DD behaves beautifully with her, no pulling, pinching, screaming etc.

Cats are obv not automatons, but does anyone have any experience in how I can transfer the feline love from me to DD? And stop that infernal biting and scratching, playful as it is?

Thank you so much!!

You have a young child and a kitten, you can't expect a close bond. Give it a lot more time.

Cats do what cats do. I’ve had dozens (currently 11) and you can’t predict or train them.

Can your child become the primary feeder of the cat? At 6 that sort of responsibility is a bit of a treat too, isn't it? In our house this definitely earns a lot of loyalty with the cat who sleeps in a different bed every night (rather than just on the top of my ankles) which is great for everyone.

great idea - thank you!

You can't. If the cat doesn't care for your daughter, your daughter needs to leave the cat alone.

My cats have only just started to approach my kids for strokes, they are 9 and 11 and not boisterous.

I think she should try not to engage too much with the cat, except to feed it. Cats are contrary buggers, chances are she'll then become its favourite person. That's how my "D"H stole the affections of my kitten from me...

You're probably the main person that feeds her that's why you're her fav. I would let your DD give her some of her meals and treats. Is your DD very energetic? Cats love if you sit still for a good while, maybe if she's reading a book or colouring gently (yes some colour violently).
DCat took 18 months before she liked my DC.
Cats like gentle energy, feeding them a lot, letting them out, being the person to open the door for them, being the person that DOES NOT take them to the vets or does their worming.. they hate this stuff. They like gentle, careless vibes. The more you fuss over them the more they runaway.

It's so unpredictable. Like yourself always had cats and when I had my children some embraced being a helper and played with them and others treated them like the absolute demon.😹

Current in-house lady cat adores my 9 year old she plays hex bugs with him and sleeps on his bed. The resident boy cat will occasionally head bop them but generally treats the children as his staff

A lot of patience and love

I would let DD do all the feeding - obviously you supervise it, but let that be her "job".

I would also think about letting her do some training with them - cats are smart. Mine will sit and do various things on command with the help of dreamies

Most cats prefer adults to children as they're less unpredictable usually.

I'd just get your dd to feed the cat, give treats and strokes, and otherwise not bug it for cuddles.

It'll probably start coming to her if it feels like she's not that bothered 😀

Put a bit of catnip in her pocket, or a handful of Dreamies. That should do it!

My cat gets very clawy, very toothy over catnip, I'm not sure it's the desired result 😂Other cats may vary.

I'm not an expert-but as a life time cat person I would question the "make her the full time feeder" advice. She's only 6, and even the most friendly cat might accidentally (or deliberately, some cats are bastards!) use her claws if the food doesn't come fast enough. I suggest getting your daughter to regularly sit down watching TV or reading or something quiet with a few treats when the cat is well fed and happy. That might encourage her onto dd's lap for a stroke and a fuss, or to settle and have a doze next to her. If the cat likes to play, a laser pointer that only your dd uses might help. But cats are cats when all's said and done. They take their own path.

Our cat kind of nuzzles and rolls in it cat nip.
But the girl could use Dreamies or Licki Lix to the same effect.

My first cat would come and join us on the bed when we were reading bedtime stories. I showed ds how the cat approached when he was still and quiet and not trying too hard. That helped. As pp has said, the more your dd feeds and plays with the cat, the better it will respond so maybe make her responsible for the cat's food and water will help.
Finally though, the cat is not her toy. Many cats don't like to be cuddled and fussed with. So train your dd to respect the cat's space and allow it to be independent if that's the cat's personality. As an animal lover, the greatest gift you can give your dd is to teach her that animals all have their own personalities and don't fit into breed stereotypes for our convenience.