Should children be present when it's the end?

[Anono2022]

Hi

I'm pretty certain our dog is so unwell now we are nearing the end of his life. He has been double incontinent for a while, unable to walk a few steps before falling, when he is on his feet his legs are wide apart, he moves in circles on his tummy on the floor, now add in constant sickness and breathlessness, I fear this is it.

We have the vets today and am wondering if my 8 year old should be present, in case I have to make that decision? He has grown up with him his entire life, they are so close. My son is autistic and his dog means the world to him. I don't think it's fair him not being able to say goodbye and be there in the end but my parents have made me feel guilty saying its not appropriate him being there if our dog is put to sleep.

Should children be kept away from seeing this?

Will someone lend you the money if necessary?

The quality of life scale can help determine the necessary time: transitionsvet.com/quality-of-life/

Your vets don't sound great. When we took our old dog in they told us not to worry about paying, sort it out later, they told us to go home and we'd do the paperwork etc later.

Is it possible to ask what he would prefer, it may be good to see how he feels about it

Hi all. So after around 12 days of awful grief our dog decided to 'pick up'. I'm actually scared to say too much. For example he has been going off his legs for the last year (but still been OK in himself). He hasn't been able to be walked for the same amount of time because as soon as we got out the door his legs had gone. He would drag himself down the stairs and flop at the bottom unable to get himself up.He hasn't once gone off his legs in the last 3 days and has got really excited about going for short walks. He is back to eating, no longer being sick or choking and struggling for breathe. He wants to play and be with is cuddled up together. He is finally toileting again.
Even the Vet is amazed. There were 3 very clear days I thought he was telling me it was his time. And I made those calls crying down the phone scared.

I have agreed for him to be regularly monitored and for tests to be done to see if anything is underlying. But I'm shocked. I feel exceptionally blessed to have more time. But I cant help but feel worried because he is currently like a dog that hasnt spent the last year on the decline. He hasn't just recovered. It's like he has a new lease of life! Is it his one final push before its time though?

He would drag himself down the stairs and flop at the bottom unable to get himself up

he’s been doing that for a year ??

That's been in the last 6 months. But he has been seen by the vet a few times in that time and they had no major concern and just put it down to his age

It is so hard but aside from your sons needs , for your dog it is the hardest thing you will do but the kindest. It has been said to me by a vet nurse, better a week too soon than a day too late. He dosent know I what is happening, love , feed and sedate him, better than him having an awful death at home if he collapses or falls that your son might witness

It can be common for a big burst of revival near the end, iirc.

This is why I'm scared to say anything. So each extra day is a blessing. If he had just recovered then fine, but the mobility has been the most surprising thing. I'm not exaggerating when I say he would get no further than the end of our drive and be off his legs which is why he hasn't been able to be walked outdoors for so long.

I really dont think we are out the woods. But whilst he is like this I also don't think it's right to be making the decision. I've been told he will let me know. And I hope he will. But oddly, grieving the thought of losing him the other week I hope has prepared me a little and I now understand that it is the last act of kindness to give our beloved dog when it's his time

Is he still doubly incontinent or has that changed too ?

There might be some neurological link between the various symptoms.

Our dear old boy once had a strange incident when he was quite young when he apparently lost power in his back legs. We got him to the vet pronto, we're asked if there was anything else out of the ordinary - nothing except we didn't think he'd not defacated for quite a bit longer than usual. She wanted to see how/if he could move - started staggering round their yard and then he stopped, did a massive poo ... and trotted on right as rain. She reckoned it was some sort of pressure on a nerve.

Maybe something of that sort but more chronic is/was going on? I don't know, maybe if he'd had some sort of blockage that has somehow now cleared?

I've wondered if something like a nerve has been trapped.
Before he stopped toileting he was incontinent multiple times a day. It really upset me as I was constantly scrubbing everything clean or having to dispose. Then he stopped pooping altogether for around 7 days. The smell coming from him was hideous. You'd walk in my house and was hit by the most horrendous smell of his wind but no matter how often I waited outside with him he would only wee.
When he started perking up and eating more and wanting to play I was still worried as he just wouldn't poo. So I chanced a walk to see if getting him moving helped. I was fully expecting him to get to the end of the drive and be on his tummy. He wasn't and about 10 minutes in it came. And it was exactly like the smell he had been letting off (TMI) so I was glad he got something out as I was worried about him starting to be poisoned by his own faeces (is that possible?). We then had a few days of dark green jelly motions, thankfully not in the house! And now he is back to normal bowel movement-wise.
In terms of his continence, on Friday I returned to a particularly bad state of urine everywhere. He has only pooed once in my house since Wednesday. Which I wish wasn't the case at all but it was multiple times a day. But in all its a vast improvement. I absolutely hate admitting he has been toileting inside my house as you all must think my house must be awful, but I'm constantly scrubbing it clean

Why didn't you take him to the vet when he hadn't passed solids for so long and smelled so badly?

I think you will know what is best for your child.

Last year we had our beloved family dog put to sleep at the vets. We knew we had 1 more evening with him (vets were amazing, they ensured he was in no pain) before taking him back to vets. A night of love and goodbyes

One of my children was then 12, they are autistic.
They decided to come with me to the vets. No one else in the house could come with me.

They sat in the waiting room with me and the vet talked to us both .about it being the kind thing and how it was time, so to feel no guilt or worry if we were doing the right thing. They talked about good times and fun times.

My child didn't come into clinic room with me but waited with the nurse.
For my child it helped them to realise there is a time to die and seems to gave helped them accept it much better than I thought they would. They are able to talk about our dog 🐕 lots.
But you will know.

The Vet was involved from them first telling me my only option was to PTS that day or to return and do it, and then up to the face to face a few days ago. I've been led by the Vet. They assured me he was in no pain and he wasn't showing signs he was.

@MaryDerry I'm sorry to hear about your loss and I do hope our dog will let me know when it's time. I'm not sure my son would want to be part of it when it happens. He said he didn't want to when we thought it was happening. He doesn't process grief like others. He processes through me. For that reason I believe that was the right decision for him