Just had cat put to sleep. Devastated isn’t the word

[Percypigfanatic]

My poor cat. Lots of issues which meant we had to put her to sleep. It was very calm and loving at the end but I can’t shake this horrible feeling that I could have done more (I couldnt, the vet agreed). My poor faithful companion for over 14 years. She’s been with me through most things and was sooo cuddly. She was my best friend, I’ve never felt pain like it. I feel pathetic in that I can’t even seem to function properly and everything sets me off. Love her so much :-( I don’t know what I’m going to do without her

offthegrid328 Massive hug and handhold for you. Really hard isn’t it. I found it terribly difficult this morning. We’ll need to work out new routines without our babies. 🥲 was you with him when he passed?

my girl was a beautiful tortie, all different colours . I don’t want to put a picture on here in case I’m recognised, some of my family don’t understand the bond we have with pets and I don’t want them knowing it’s me if that make sense. Sorry to disappoint :-(

I am reading and taking on board every single post, thank you all so much for taking the time to write something so heartfelt, i appreciate every single one. You’re all so lovely.

ive had a lot of time to think in the early hours and today. I know I did the right thing and happy she got to have such a lovely life. I just wonder what I’m going to do in the winter without my snuggler 😊 hopefully she’s happily chasing her toys in heaven, she didn’t play much in the last few weeks. I’m hoping she’s hid and found her favourite toy over and over like she used to :-)

I'm not a cat person, I have hamsters but every time I have lost one I have sworn never again because of the pain of losing them. Give it time & you may change your mind.

It does get easier, I promise - it just takes time, so you need to allow yourself to grieve.

Thank you @Percypigfanatic xx It truly is the worst feeling and to be honest I genuinely can't see how I will get over this... but it's such early days for us. I live alone so it was just us two, and now my flat just feels empty. I work from home and I'm also studying and he was always always by my side when I was working online or reading. Yes, I was with him at the end. I'm glad I was able to do that for him because he was extremely distressed by the process of placing the catheter. His heart was going like the clappers at that point, but I was able to soothe him and calm him down before the final injection. I just held my face against his head and spoke to him and cuddled him until he was gone :( I'll never forget that moment and I miss him so so much :(

Sorry for your loss . Your cat was blessed to have a loving owner like you . Your cat passed over knowing she was loved x

So sorry for the loss of your lovely companion. We had to have our nearly 14 year old dog put to sleep in January and the car trip to the vet was one of the hardest journeys I've ever made in my life. Still miss her terribly - I didn't realise what huge paw prints pets left on your heart until I had one. We did get another dog a week after she died as our other dog was pining so much. He's fun and a different character altogether ( but sadly got cancer so we're going to face another trip to the vet before Christmas....)

offthegrid328 You poor thing, I’m so so sorry. I understand what you mean about him being by your side when working etc. She never left mine and even interrupted several work zoom and telephone calls with her chirruping and meowing little monkey :-) I’m not sure how I’m going to work from home now (have today off) it won’t be the same …

i’m so glad you got to settle him and be with him at the end. You were such a good cat mummy to him and you need to remember that :-) (easy for me to say to others)

Like you, I don’t see how we will get over this but again early days etc. Someone commented how nice it was outside weather wise but I hadn’t even noticed. I did notice it was raining yesterday though which matched my mood. Massive hugs to you, sorry for your loss.

Lansonmaid I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through and will go through! I don’t know how you do it, must be so so hard. I’m so sorry

I'm so sorry OP, I lost my 21 year old girl 18 months ago and still feel devastated. I still have her bed as I can't bear to get rid of it.
I have two new cats that I hug tight but they are not her.
I still cry every time I think of her.
Its a horrible, horrible thing to go through but a good death is the best thing we can do for them and we'd rather have loved them than not known them at all.
I hold on to the fact that I'll see them again one day and they come back in dreams.

I’m sorry OP, losing a beloved pet is so hard 💐.

In time, the sadness will fade and the joy at your happy memories will take centre stage. For now, allow yourself the time to grieve. You have lost a family member and that hurts.

If you can, take comfort in knowing that your cat will have felt how deeply you loved them and undoubtedly loved you just as much in return.

@Percypigfanatic I know! The stormy weather yesterday was so fitting! What an awful day for us both :( Thank you for your kind words. Deep down we both know we did all we could and that we gave our cats amazing lives filled with love and affection. The depth of our grief simply matches the depth of our love for them ❤️

So many kind and lovely words on this thread xx thank you xx

I promise it does get better. I spent the first couple of days after my dog was pts crying pretty much all the time. It took over a month to be able to talk about him without crying. Now a couple of years later it still gets me occasionally but I can talk about him and look at pictures without being upset. I will say that the process has been helped by getting another dog even thigh I swore blind initially that is didn’t want another one, i just wanted him back.

it sounds like your cat had a fab life and you couldn’t have done any more x

Thank you for your kind words. I think people who haven't had pets wouldn't understand the emotions but it's a very real grief. The week after our dog was put to sleep I couldn't trust myself to talk about her to people at work because I just cried.
I'm sure your cat had a lovely life with you. Sending hugs

It’s reassuring to hear I’m not alone in how I’m feeling, thanks to everyone for your thoughts and hugs to everyone that has gone through it.

Bestcatmum 21 years is amazing, I love that. You must have loved her very much. That’s exactly the fear in that I can’t imagine having another pet and even if I do, they won’t be like her.

i think I’m trying to fast forward the grief but I know I can’t so I just have to sit with the feelings for a while and just hope I feel better one day. I hope to see her again when I go, I take a lot of comfort in that.

im trying to remember all the good times, including the times she used to steal chicken from my dinner plate. She even tried to eat spaghetti once! She used to bark at me for my attention, like a dog but in a cat voice. Never did act like a proper “cat” - never hunted or brought me presents (which I’m thankful for) but was so gentle and loved being held like a baby. She used to sit on my lap and if I dared stop tickling her chin, used to tap my hand to remind me to do it again. Silly gorgeous cat 😊

offthegrid328 Hope you’re okay, how are you doing?

loads of love and hugs to anyone else going through similar right now 😢

Hi @Percypigfanatic xx I'm in the obsessive cleaning phase now... i'm trying to look after myself but having difficulty eating/ sleeping.:( How are you feeling?

@offthegrid328 hi, yes, same. Can’t eat, sleep and I haven’t bothered putting make up on the last few days as I’ll only cry it off anyway! I did get a couple of hours last night but immediately woke up and started looking at pictures and videos of her. I haven’t cried yet so far looking at them, she was so poorly at the end and didn’t do much, it was almost nice to see her young and playful in those old videos.

At the moment I’m staying at a friends with my son, but I’m dreading coming back home, I think I’m only delaying the inevitable. My son can’t really process it all, I’m trying to be strong for him and take myself off out of sight to be upset but it’s very difficult. He asked if we can make a montage of photos of her which I’ve agreed to.

At the moment I’m finding it difficult that I haven’t got her back yet - as in her ashes - I’m going to collect them when they’re ready next week. Until then I feel I’m in a bit of limbo land.

I thought getting away would help. It really hasn’t, she’s on my mind constantly. My brain won’t allow me to distract myself which is fine, I accept that. I think subconsciously I worry I’ll forget for a bit, then remember and get upset again if that makes sense?

We were so fortunate to be with them when they passed, I know that now. Not a lot of people are, and that must be so difficult to deal with. I’m very grateful for that and know that we did the best we could for them.

Apologies for the wordy reply!

@Percypigfanatic I totally get where you're at. You try to find ways around the pain but there just aren't any. I keep bursting into tears out of nowhere. I guess we are on the painful road towards acceptance now and this is all part of the processing. I'm so sorry for your loss xx Best of luck to you love xxx

@offthegrid328 i hear you about the tears! I could be alright for a while and it doesn’t even have to be a certain trigger and I get upset. I just kind of feel empty too, a bit drained I think.

I hope you feel better soon too, thinking of you and our darling cats xx

Our lovely old boy had to be put to sleep in January OP. He was 19 and had a wonderful life. It sounds like your girl had a great life with you.
It was really hard and we were all bereft for a while. It gets easier with time and I know you probably don't want to hear this but it got easier when we got two new cats.
If you are a cat person you need a cat in your life and it's no disrespect to your old girl to give a new pet a happy, loving home. X

I had to have my cat put to sleep when she was 20. It was so peaceful and definitely the right thing.
You did the kindest thing you could do for her. She loved you and you cared for her until the end. The pain well lessen but you'll never forget her. Be kind to yourself

@Gingerwarthog @Blowyourowntrumpet sorry to hear if your losses. 19 and 20, that’s lovely that you had them for so long.

I do love cats in general but I’m not sure if I can go though that again, it’s only been 2 days though and early days, so I’ll see how I feel later down the line. I just feel that she’s always been there through a lot and I’d feel disrespectful.

I’ve yet to go home and pack up her stuff and I’m dreading it. I’ve started thinking about memorial keepsakes, I’ve looked at necklaces where you can keep a picture and their ashes in, I think that would be a nice thing to do.

*of, sorry. Autocorrect

@offthegrid328 how are you doing today?