Having to rehome my 2 cats

[MummaD161119]

Please help, I am riddled with feelings of guilt and sadness.

I have 3 cats, I never thought I'd ever have or even could have children. So falling pregnant was a big wonderful suprise.

People would say, so are you rehoming the cats?
I'd take great offense and say ofcourse not.
When she was born, it was few month before the pandemic, but I was already paranoid about germs, I developed OCD like never before, and never let the cats close to the baby. One cat got unwell and unhappy about the change. He and his companion had to go to my exes (father) home to recover from a UTI, vet said was caused by stress. When the cat got better, he came back to me. got poorly again. So went back to my exes and he and the other cat stayed there for a year, with my DD visiting getting him used to her more. My 3rd cat an older cat who doesnt like the other 2 stayed with me.

Now, I have all 3 cats with me and my DD, my ex wont have them anymore. I've had them back with us almost a year now. They are 7 and 5. Love them dearly, but 3 cats a now toddler, and a small 2 bed house, doesnt work. They are indoor cats with litter trays. I am hoovering 3 x a day because of cat hair, I change litter alot! Always conscious of smell and mess.The cats dont appreciate toddler love. The older cat stays upstairs as hates the other 2. The 2 stay in the kitchen nearly all day. They are loving cats and want alot of attention, I dont have the time or the patience for them. And get annoyed and frustrated with the mess and they pick up on my annoyed mood and angry tone. So stressed. I do love them and it's going to hurt so much, but they are unhappy cats desperate for attention. They are now on a waiting list for cat shelter where they be rehomed together. They deserve a owner who will love and adore them. They are beautiful animals with a unique loving personality. But I feel so so guilty, everyone says I am doing the right thing, but hurts so much.

Is it an option to work on your OCD? My daughter loves our cats and growing up around animals, being exposed to different pathogens, is actually beneficial to our immune systems overall, not the other way around.

Being over-hygienic will lead to reduced overall health, not better.

Just a different perspective. My child's never been ill from our cats. They sleep in bed with her sometimes too.

It's just that your habits could bring the opposite effect than you want.

As for rehoming, there are just too many to rehome and shelters can be full. I got my two off gumtree and they were free and I just took them home when the people were moving house.

Perhaps ask on here and find someone like me who is looking for cats? Or have them put to sleep? A shelter may do that anyway and it could be a really sad life in a shelter feeling abandoned.

I will still have the 1 cat here. 3 cats and a small house the mess is to much. But its mainly down to the fact I dont have the time to give them the love they want. They are more like puppies than cats. They are going to a shelter that dont put a healthy cat to sleep. I'd never put them to sleep, absolutely no need for that, they are healthy, but they are just unhappy living here and require more than I can give. X

Perhaps ask on here and find someone like me who is looking for cats? Or have them put to sleep? A shelter may do that anyway and it could be a really sad life in a shelter feeling abandoned.

What? Why on earth should she have two healthy cats put to sleep?

I don’t think you’re doing the right thing at all. They’re your cats, you should look after them. I hope you’re getting help got your OCD for yours and your child’s sake. Getting rid of the cats is avoidance behaviour, not helpful for you long term and the poor cats will lose the home and territory they know.

If you can’t cope; then you are definitely doing the right thing by trying to find them a new home

YANBU.

The cats will be fine in another setting with owners who have the capacity to look after them.

Right now, this isn't you. You have OCD, a baby, three indoor cats (plus litter trays) and not enough space at home for them all.

I have a dog, 2 house cats and a toddler. The cat litter, the hair, the hoovering all in a 2 bed. Yeah I get it. My cats are the same age as yours.

If you're struggling then you should see if you can find them a nice new home. But I wouldn't let them end up in a shelter personally.

I don't think this is fair.

OP has tried to make it work but at the moment nobody is happy. Cats will adapt perfectly well to a new home and new humans!

Just rehomed cats for similar reasons- to a shelter than has policy not to PTS. I felt so ao guilty but the relief after 3 years of trying to make it work with similar feeling of anxiety and stress shout the litter and hair, with them hating toddler love. Totally get it. You're not a bad person and you've tried, but if they're making you unhappy and they're not getting the attention they need then rehoming is the answer.

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! You are doing the right thing, they are still young and will be rehomed somewhere they will be happy and loved.

What a ridiculous response! Only on Mumsnet should you have to live in absolute misery for years rather than rehome your cats

It’s ok people saying get rid of your cats to a nice new home, like it’s that easy! Rescue centres have waiting list as they’re bursting at the seams. I really wish people would think about the lifelong commitment of pets before getting them.

It’s not the cats causing the misery, it’s the OCD, the obsession with germs and mess and cleaning.

Nobody's saying it's easy but there's no need for OP to live in misery either.

@PlantFaced that may well be the case, but it's not right that the cats and OP
should all need to suffer.

The cats will be just fine in new homes.

I don't why it's seen as a badge of honour on here to keep pets that aren't adding anything to your quality of life. The cats are miserable and so is OP - so what benefit is there to allow the situation to continue?

Try your local Cat Protection branch. They may be able to help you rehome on a “home-to-home” basis; they advertise your cats and vet the potential adopters then the cats go straight from your home to the new home. Less stressful for them than going to a shelter. Pairs of friendly, bonded cats usually find a new home quickly. Good luck, don’t feel guilty, they will be fine and they will make their new family very happy.

Avoidance in OCD, in this case avoiding the ‘mess’ from cats, just reinforces the OCD. I guarantee that the OP will feel short some relief at the cats leaving, but she will very soon find a new issue to obsess over. Mess from toys, dirty shoes, what her toddler licked at the park. More things will be avoided, more normal things will be removed from OPs life, until life no longer resembles life. It’s the way it goes if you don’t deal with the actual problem which is OCD. Removing the cats will not solve OPs issues. I hope she gets help as it can really destroy lives, if you’re getting rid of your pets, it’s pretty bad.

Don't feel guilty, Find them a new loving homes. If you can't cope then you can't cope. The cats will survive.

@PlantFaced I don't disagree with you. But regardless of the reasons, it's not fair on the cats to keep in an environment where they're miserable and where the owner is struggling to care for them.

Of course she should get help for her OCD but in the meantime, the cats deserved to live somewhere where they can be happy - not where they're miserable and cooped up in one room.

Having fostered many cats, in my experience those that come from normal homes where they have been treated nicely settle within a couple of days, at the most, in a new environment. They will not be devastated by being rehomed.

When you have cats that don't get on it is really miserable on all of them.

Been there, we rehomed the one that no one got on with (he was the newest one anyway) after a year of trying everything and having a largish home.

He is so bloody happy in his new home all his "bad" behaviour has gone. My elderly cat is no longer stressed.

People wouldn't live in a house share that makes them miserable so don't expect it if your pets.

Hello, Thank you for all replies.

I am getting help for my mental health, My OCD was bad when my toddler was born because i was terrified something happening to her, like her getting ill. then covid happened. heightening them feelings.
I am not diagnosed with OCD, i have OCD like behaviour when I am anxious or going through depression, Which I am and always have been getting help for.
I keep on top of the mess, i don't mind toddler mess at all. cat litter and hair bothers me, because i have a toddler, the hair irritates her and me, My oldest cat (who i am not rehoming) is staying with me as she is old and i've had her longest. she hates my other two and they fight, thus why they are kept separate, as bullying can happen.
The issue isnt the mess, that is not why I am rehoming them, the main issue is, that I do not have time with them, they are overly affectionate cats, that want alot of attention and don't like toddler love.
They end up stuck in one room all day, this week all night too as me and my daughter have/had covid, so been in bed alot recovering. so the cats have had no attention.
I am a uni student, a single mother, trying to educate my child, myself, keep a clean home and keep all cats happy.
I never wanted to part with any of them, i was advised to, suggested too, by health professinals and family, who saw how stressed and unhappy i was...and now the cats are unhappy. they don't great me like they used to, they hide away mainly. they are bored. seeing them unhappy and not being able to give them the attention they deserve upsets me.

as i have said, i never knew or thought i could ever have kids. so the cats were my world, i did everything for them, they had a great life. but since dd was born its all changed. i have tried everything to make it work, i have spent money i dont have on things to keep them happy and entertained, to keep control of the mess, carpet cleaners, wooden cat boxes (the cat litter trays go into), toys, new scratchers, new beds, feliway etc,

This decision has broke my heart. I got in touch with my local cats protection league, told them month before i made my mind up, what was happening. they spoke to me to help, they were great. then after talking to therapist waying up pros and cons, i made the decision to put them on the waiting list for cats protection.
They have reassured me they will be kept together, they do vet checks, changed microchips, and will make sure their next owner is suitable.

So to those who are making me feel worse about the decision, i get it, and understand as I was once that person who thought it awful to rehome a pet because a child has come along.

However my cats are miserable and bored, I am miserable and stressed about them. so should I keep them and let them carrying on being miserable and me being miserable, letting it affect my mental health...which could affect my daughter. or do I rehome them and allow them the chance of happiness and love they deserve?

Thanks to all the supportive people who understand. really appreciate it xx

Thank you, this has helped, the shelter they going to does not pts xxx

The OCD isnt an issue, I have similarities with OCD when i have anxiety and depressed. does not affect my toddler, i dont mind her mess at all, i am not the tidiest person, we do arts and crafts and make alot of mess. I am concerned mainly of cat mess because of toddler health and because it takes up alot of time, that i no longer have. i wont have people over because the smell. i have tried everything, i spend about 60-70 a month on cat litter, i hoover 4 times a day, i used a carpet cleaner, i try and brush them when i have time. but the issue here is that they are stuck in one room mainly, they dont get attention that they deserve, they are loving cats, they want cuddles, they jump on peoples backs, they are loving so loving, they deserve it back, and i just dont have the time or patience anymore. i busy being a mum, uni, writing, house work, toddler groups. they are indoor too. I hate this decision it wasnt easy. i never thought id ever have kids or could. it just happened, and i am a full time single mother trying to make a life for her.

Thank you, I think as soon as they get attntion and love from someone they will be fine. they love all people, anyone that gives them attention or even looks at them. everyone says 'they're anybodys cats'. i know they will make someone happy, and they will be happier to get attention.
hardest thing ive ever had to do though, and when they go it will break my heart for a long time.
xx