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Original poster

Toddlers vs cat

25 replies

Yrmyfavourite · 05/07/2022 15:19

Hello,

Not sure if a post for parenting or pets but, add 2.5yo won't leave our youngest cat 1yo alone. We've had him for a year and she loves him to bits but, takes it too far and tries to pick him up, squashes him down when he tries to run away and although he is the friendliest cat in the world and seemingly would never intentionally hurt us, he scratches her when she pins him or, tries picking him up by the neck 🤦🏽‍♀️

We try our best to separate them and stop her doing it and she leaves our eldest cat alone entirely as, he doesn't involve himself as much with the family and is a bit more grumpy.

We don't know what to do as, this cat was a rescue and we would hate to have to give him away as, we live our animals and would hate to be part of the 'problem'. He is super patient with her and understandably has to lash out as a last resort when she won't release him but, other than that they are the best of friends. It's only when she is in a mischievous mood. We thought she would leave him after the first time he got her but, there have been several occasions, the last of which was this morning when he gave her a deep scratch on her face, only an inch underneath her eye. I obviously try not to let her be alone with the cats and try to keep them out of the main house during the day but, she sneaks off and lets them in without me realising.

We've tried explaining to her that he will have to go and live somewhere else and she is really emotionally intelligent and does seem to understand but, can't help herself.

Please tell me there is a solution to this without giving the poor cat away. (I don't think giving the toddler away is an option!)

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

IDontLikeMondays88 · 05/07/2022 15:26

Tbh I don’t really understand why you are letting your toddler manhandle the cat. I have a 2 year old and he is not allowed to touch the cat without me supervising. He does occasionally chase the cat and stuff but the cat stays out his way and I tell him no. He is not allowed to pick the cat up and haul him around as my cat is 13 and it’s not fair on him.

Lonelygal22 · 05/07/2022 15:28

Clearly your daughter has an issue with rules if she appears to understand that it’s wrong but continues her bad behaviour. I think the issue here isn’t the cat, but your daughter’s lack of discipline. Maybe reassess your parenting approach. I agree with you on one thing - don’t punish your poor cat for something it cannot help.

easyday · 05/07/2022 15:29

Ok so say your cat was coated with acid - I bet you could keep your child away from it then! Just be stricter or it might end up with some pretty nasty scratches.

PoshSpice2 · 05/07/2022 15:32

Agree with other posters. The cat isn’t the issue here

Hugasauras · 05/07/2022 15:35

You just have to be more on the ball, really. We have a dog and a cat and DD has never been left to annoy them. If they can't be in the same space then cat needs to be shut out of where toddler is, and you need to be supervising their interactions and intervening immediately.

IDontLikeMondays88 · 05/07/2022 15:36

Also you should clip your cats claws.

ImWithSuperman · 05/07/2022 15:37

Firstly, giving the cat away shouldn’t be an option. Poor cat.

If your daughter isn’t able to be gentle with the cat then it is your job to keep them separate and monitor them more closely when you are all in the same room. You have a responsibility to protect your daughter and your cat until your daughter can be trusted. You just need to put more time in, that’s life with kids and pets.

FacebookPhotos · 05/07/2022 15:38

I agree with the other posters - it is your daughter ignoring your instruction that is the problem. You need to remove her every single time he touches the cat without your permission. If she "sneaks off" then shut her in whatever room you are in so she can't.

That said, it is a problem that will take time to fix. In the meantime, does your cat have a safe space your toddler can't reach? When my cat is scared she hides on top of a bookcase (I can't even reach) so unruly children can't bother her.

HorribleHerstory · 05/07/2022 15:38

You keep the toddler and the cat apart. You don’t let the toddler maul the cat. You teach the toddler about boundaries and behaviour and consequences. Immediate consequences, meted out by you, not the cat, and not some nebulous concept of maybe giving the cat away.

You need to know where the toddler is all the time, and preferably where the cats are in relation to her (ie in/out/asleep/awake) You need to provide escape routes for the cats so they can remove themselves quickly and preferably some private space for them where the toddler cannot go. eg an adult bedroom, a cat bed or box, an outdoor catio/kennel, an elevated shelf or platform.

MsSquiz · 05/07/2022 15:40

Can you not keep them apart until she understands that she cannot behave like that towards him? Of course he scratches her, he's scared!

My 2.5 year old will approach both of our cats. 1 is not a people cat and will look at her with disdain or run away. If dd tries to follow the cat, she is told not to, or is physically stopped. The other cat adores dd and will lie next to her and allow dd to pet her, but even she gets fed up sometimes and dd has been taught from the day she spotted the cats that she can stroke them, but she is also to leave them alone if they walk/run off.
She has never tried to pick them up or pin them down, so to be honest, it sounds like you are not supervising the situation carefully enough. Your toddler shouldn't be "sneaking off" without you noticing, let alone getting her hands on the cat!

The annoying thing is, if the cat had scratched her eye, it wouldn't be the cat's fault, or even the child's. It would be yours, for allowing it to happen. And the fact that your child has been scratched more than once, means you are continuing to allow the same behaviour!

minipie · 05/07/2022 15:48

ah 2.5 is a difficult age, it’s not as easy as some pp are suggesting to teach them to follow rules!! I’m a bit surprised a rescue centre gave you a cat when you had a 1.5 yr old tbh.

I agree you need to work on enforcing gentle behaviour from your daughter. However realistically it’s going to take time and her growing up a bit.

In the meantime you’re going to need to watch her like a hawk and as soon as there is any non gentle play then either she or the cat goes out of the room. Also agree with making sure cat can always escape. I wouldn’t consider rehoming for what ought to be a temporary issue.

amigreedytowantmore · 05/07/2022 15:49

I have a toddler twins and 4 cats so need eyes in the back of my head and quick responses! - you just need to keep them apart and Interaction needs to be supervised and if one looks to be going for a rugby tackle they get moved out of the way immediately 😂. The twins have learnt pretty quick that if they want to interact with the cats then they stay still with their hands out - if they attempt to squish, pick up, pull, push then they get stopped so if they want to continue they have to behave appropriately. Did the same with my eldest and she didn't attempt to pick any up until she was around age 4 and again closely supervised so she did it in a gentle way

SatinHeart · 05/07/2022 15:52

We've tried explaining to her that he will have to go and live somewhere else and she is really emotionally intelligent and does seem to understand but, can't help herself

You are right - toddler won't have the impulse control at that age. I have a 2 year old and a cat, tbh we don't get in a discussion about why he mustn't bother the cat. It's just a straightforward 'no' (shouty if necessary because normal voice has had no effect) and being physically led away from the situation every single time, long before things get to the picking up stage.

We've been teaching good stroking behaviour with parental supervision to help build positive interactions.

TBF our cat doesn't really hang around for long if toddler is roaming around. Has your cat got plenty of places to escape under or better still up high? It's vital not to have any spaces in the house where toddler can corner the cat.

Original poster

Yrmyfavourite · 05/07/2022 15:53

I promise I do everything I can to discipline DD. She is very intelligent and can open doors etc and I run around after her and keep them deprecate but, our cat isn't remotely scared of her. He runs up to her at every opportunity. Hence the problem keeping them apart. They love each other. We have baby gates which I use to keep DD with me when I am busy e.g. cooking but, they don't stop the cats. Our cat is incredibly loving and just wants to be sat on us at all times.

The cats have a cat flap and the utility is their room where they stay on a night with the door closed whilst DD sleeps. I try to keep this door shut to keep them out at all times but, she will open it every five minutes and if the cats slip in and go sleep upstairs I'm unaware they are in the house.

I’m not looking for advice on how to give the cat away. I was hoping for advice on how best to deter DD. I've not for a second considered that this is the cats fault and perhaps didn't make it clear enough initially. I don't allow DD to touch the cat or go near the cat when we aren't there. She knows she is only allowed to stroke him when supervised but, she's a toddler and they don't often follow instructions but, if you have a toddler who listens, that is why i am posting as, I'm looking for advice on how to prevent her from touching him when I'm not sat staring at her. It is literally the odd seconds that I’m busy and it takes seconds for them both to react.

Thanks

OP posts:

Georgeskitchen · 05/07/2022 15:56

I have 2 cats and toddler grandchildren who visit 2 or 3 times a week. Both cats have worked out that toddlers can be hard worn so they keep out of the way when they visit

Original poster

Yrmyfavourite · 05/07/2022 15:56

@MsSquiz @minipie @amigreedytowantmore @SatinHeart

Thank you so much for the helpful replies. I really appreciate it!

OP posts:

sunshinesupermum · 05/07/2022 16:00

Late last year I took on a cat that had been in the same situation as yours - a toddler was getting on its tits so to speak and the cat just withdrew into herself, started peeing outside her litter tray etc etc. She's now with us in a quiet home and much more settled. However much you love your pets you have to do the best by them as you do by your children.

I can't advise how to control your toddler but the situation will only get worse and you can't be watching 24/7.

MsSquiz · 05/07/2022 16:01

@minipie I don't think anyone is suggesting it is easy. But it needs to be worked at continuously.

As I said, I have a 2.5 year old who can open doors, so we have a baby gate locked and the door closed. If the child and cat are in the same room, you need to be on top of them. You show the child how to stroke the cat kindly, not to pick it up by it's neck or squash it down. My toddler has never tried to do this to either of our cats because she has been taught from day 1 the correct way to be around both dogs and cats.

You have to keep encouraging the good behaviour (gentle stroking, not chasing, etc) and be on top of the bad behaviour.

Could she be doing it for attention? My dd is guaranteed to be at her naughtiest when I'm feeding the baby, as she knows I can't physically reprimand her (take something off her or move her away, etc)

ImWithSuperman · 05/07/2022 16:04

Put a lock/bolt on the door so that she doesn’t let the cat in without you knowing.

airconohyes · 05/07/2022 16:06

On a practical level, could you fit a high level bolt on the utility room? We had to do that on our bathroom door when DD was a toddler to keep her safe.

minipie · 05/07/2022 16:06

MsSquiz I was responding to the early comments like “Maybe reassess your parenting approach” and “Just be stricter”. Subsequent comments did acknowledge that it will take time.

romdowa · 05/07/2022 16:11

ImWithSuperman · 05/07/2022 16:04

Put a lock/bolt on the door so that she doesn’t let the cat in without you knowing.

My suggestion exactly , lock the door so the child cant open it.

takeitandleaveit · 05/07/2022 16:22

She is very intelligent and can open doors etc Good job she's not a bolter then.

Now look. I'm all for staying calm, explaining things, keeping kids and pets physically apart and all that lot.

But there are times when the only remaining option is to give them a monumental bollocking they'll never forget. And this is one of those times.

Original poster

Yrmyfavourite · 05/07/2022 18:49

Thanks everyone for the advice.

We've ordered a lock for the utility door and we already keep them in there overnight so, have decided that we are going to let them in to the rest of the house for a couple of hours on a morning before DH leaves for work and then lock the utility door for the rest of the day (they have beds, toys, food and a catflap in there) then, let them back in after DH finishes work until we go to bed so, they get a bit of toddler free time with us when she is in bed. That's when they tend to come and sit with us anyway so, they will be hopefully happy with that.

Really appreciate those of you who have been understanding as, the mum guilt and cat-mum guilt is pretty peak at the moment. I’m also pregnant with DC2 so, the hormones don't help.

Thanks!

OP posts:

SatinHeart · 07/07/2022 11:46

takeitandleaveit · 05/07/2022 16:22

She is very intelligent and can open doors etc Good job she's not a bolter then.

Now look. I'm all for staying calm, explaining things, keeping kids and pets physically apart and all that lot.

But there are times when the only remaining option is to give them a monumental bollocking they'll never forget. And this is one of those times.

Agree with this - I think where its a safety issue sometimes a bollocking is needed to show DC the severity of the situation. Such as:

Undoing seatbelt in car
Running into road
Trying to mess with the cooker
Prodding cat until risking getting scratched in the eye

Sounds like you've come up with a good plan, OP. We do a bit of lovebombing our cat after DC are in bed and it definitely helps.

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