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Original poster

guilt since having dog put to sleep

18 replies

Loopylisa1991oxo · 13/04/2022 18:04

bit of background …

we had our beloved 12 year old springer spaniel who we adored PTS last saturday. she’d had arthritis for a few years in her back legs which we had managed through supliments (you move) & metacam, low weight & regular walks however, this last month we noted a stark deterioration in her mobility e.g struggling to get up from laying down, shaking, trembling limbs in sitting & standing, falling over as her limbs went from under her & groaning …she could just about barely tolerate a 10 minute walk on grass & paid for it terribly after by groaning & whimpering for the rest of the day.

we took her to the vet over a week ago who prescribed paracetamol & gabapentin but unfortunately it did not work & she was still groaning at rest, falling over on her limbs etc (less often but still apparent when she moved) and more bad days than good days.. she seemed worse than better as the week went on …the vet stated she wasn’t the worse she’d seen but accepted that put to sleep would be considered if her quality of life was decreased & as her arthritis had progressed to front legs as well as her back & possibly in her spine. she also had multiple growths beginning and was treat last year for a mammary tumour.

we took her back after the medication didn’t work to be put to sleep… she seemed ok when we were there but i think it was the adrenaline …

i’m really struggling with our decision to put her to sleep despite the vet saying there were no other drugs suitable for her…she was still eating & drinking, still continent but struggling to get down to do her business so sometimes weeing on her back legs … still wagging her tail …. we just couldn’t get her pain under control & most days she was falling over her limbs & unable to get comfortable ….

when she’s good, she’s good (such as when husband gets lead out or when greeting people.. she spins & gets so excited) but that’s only 10 minutes or so of her day the rest are spent laid out struggling to get comfy & at times shuddering when being touched …

i think i’m struggling with our decision as she wasn’t “unwell” it was arthritis … it made it so hard & i keep going over & over in my head if there was more i could have done… i couldn’t bare to see her in so much pain suffering.

are these feelings normal? does it get better? did i do best by her?

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 13/04/2022 18:06

It sounds to me like there was more going on than just arthritis.
And yes, you did your best.
There’s worse things than being PTS, it’s just an injection. She is pain free now.

SquigglePigs · 13/04/2022 18:07

Those feelings are completely normal. You made the best decision you could for your beloved pet but it's completely understandable that a part of you would doubt it, be it wishful thinking or otherwise.

For me the bit about whimpering for the rest of the day after a very short walk days all you need to of terms of quality of life.

My condolences on your loss. Please be kind to yourself.

SquigglePigs · 13/04/2022 18:08

Sorry days should be says

VimFuego101 · 13/04/2022 18:10

It doesn't sound like her quality of life was great; I think you made the right decision.

Happenchance · 13/04/2022 18:13

You absolutely did best by her. Dogs are very good at masking their pain, which would explain why she had her good moments. It may help to remember that the vet could have refused to PTS if they didn't think that it was the correct decision.

If you live in the UK and need someone to talk to, the Blue Cross have a free bereavement service: www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

Sausagerollfiend · 13/04/2022 18:14

I had feelings of guilt after our beloved dog was put to sleep last year. I found comfort in reading websites about dog bereavement, especially one which explained that dogs do not have any concept of how long they are with you. They just enjoy everyday with you. We felt cheated as our dog was only 9. But that statement made me think that although she may have had a few more weeks or even months with us, they would not have been happy ones. We were grieving for the lost years, but our dog wouldn't have known that she'd been cheated. She just knew that she was loved and held til the end.

Be kind to yourself. You did the right thing. I still cry 12 months on, I still miss her terribly but it was for the best.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 13/04/2022 18:28

As someone who has Arthritis in most of my joints and lives a life full of pain. You did the right thing. A dog doesn't understand why it can't do the things it used to do and want to do. They don't know why they're in pain. My collie is 10 and is struggling when he goes too far on walks and playing with the kids in the garden. As soon as the supplements stop working and he can't do what he enjoys anymore I have always said I'd have him pts. Arthritis is miserable when you know what's going on let alone when you don't

whenwilliwillibefamous · 13/04/2022 18:47

It's shit OP, but I think your vet would have spoken up if they thought you weren't thinking straight.

I really get it - I've had to have various dogs euthanized over the years, but in all the cases, they were clearly going to be dead within a couple of days whatever.

I'm now sitting next to my dog and facing a similar path - he could possibly last a while even on just painkillers but his quality of life is really low now - if there wasn't a chance it could be fixed (specialist visit tomorrow) we'd have called time already I think.

It's a rotten rotten situation and I personally still have a visceral feeling that euthanasia is unnatural, I hate it. But I sit myself down and think carefully about what the different choices, that I honestly have, mean for the dog in real life.

In your case this sounds like "lengthy periods of unavoidable pain every day". It sounds like you had your back against the wall with this just the least bad choice. I'm so sorry.

Original poster

Loopylisa1991oxo · 13/04/2022 19:15

thank you everyone for your thoughts & condolences, it brings me some comfort knowing these feelings are normal & it’s natural to feel guilt etc.. i miss her terribly & would have done anything to keep her, i’m in for a few hard weeks but i guess that’s the price you pay for loving a dog so deeply. x

OP posts:

salcombebabe · 13/04/2022 20:10

Hi Loopy,
I’m going through exactly the same feelings of guilt too. A week ago yesterday I had to have my gorgeous little girl, Bella (Bichon Frise) pts. She’d started with exaggerated breathing the night before so I rang the emergency vets and kept an eye on her all night. She was no different in the morning so I took her to our local vet who diagnosed her with a mass behind her diaphragm. There was nothing they could do. She’d shown no other signs of being poorly. It was such a shock and I couldn’t see her suffer any longer which she would have done. I think we feel guilty because they’re so helpless and can’t tell us how they feel. Such a terribly hard decision to have to make.
Big hugs xx

mumofthemonsters808 · 13/04/2022 20:15

It was your last act of kindness towards her, animals mask how much pain they are experiencing very well, they keep eating and going through the motions despite the intensity of their pain.One of the key signs of how severe the pain is, is when they are unable to get comfortable without the circling.When they have lived an amazing life and been adored by their owners our last job in caring for them is deciding when to say goodbye, when enough is enough.

it’s very hard and you questioning your decision is natural, maybe paying a fortune for medication may of eased her pain, , but you will of just delayed the inevitable and these would not of been quality years, she would of just slept more and deteriorated over time.

I know exactly how you are feeling and I still pine for my old boy, several years down the line I still miss him, but as I type I have a gorgeous young bitch sprawled across me. I remember saying I would never put myself through it all again as I was so upset but I have and you probably will too when the time is right.

You have done the right thing.

everyonesmom · 13/04/2022 20:21

Please be kind to yourself knowing your lovely dog is no longer in pain. We had our 14 year old spaniel PTS in January. The hardest of days, but like yours, he was in pain with arthritis and eventually started to lose the use of his back legs. The solace I got was when a friend said that no day would have been the right day for us but the day he went to sleep we chose that to be the right day for him.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 13/04/2022 20:24

I'm sorry, @Loopylisa1991oxo

As others have said, your feelings are totally normal. You have done what was best for your dog, knowing that still doesn't make you feel any better.

Having a beloved pet put to sleep is the last act of kindness we can do for them.

SpeckledlyHen · 13/04/2022 20:27

I always refer to the saying, better a week too early than a week too late. I always applaud owners who make the decision without their own emotional needs considered meaning the animal has to suffer longer than is necessary. You did the right thing. Sorry for your loss.

AwkwardPaws27 · 13/04/2022 20:29

i think i’m struggling with our decision as she wasn’t “unwell” it was arthritis

Arthritis can be horribly debilitating and majorly impact quality of life. I would definitely class that as being unwell.
Uncontrollable levels of pain, that aren't going to get better, is a very justifiable reason to make the kindest decision you can make in that situation.
You did the right thing, OP

caringcarer · 13/04/2022 20:46

You sacrificed having your dog with you to put it out of pain. If going on a short walk meant it spent the rest of the day in pain it was time OP. Believe me you would feel 100 times worse if you had left it too late and your dog was howling with pain non stop. I got one of those photo frames with lots of different shapes cut out of and put photos of my sons beloved cat who he had PTS at 19 after a stroke and had a tumour growing in mouth making it hard for him to eat. My son put it off for a week because he loved him but after having him PTS he felt guilty he did not have it done the week before as he said he could have prevented his cat that last week of pain. You did the right thing by your dog.

KisstheTeapot14 · 13/04/2022 20:50

You did the kindest, most loving thing possible.

Really hard, but you put her first and prevented any further pain.
Sometimes love demands a very great deal of us - courage and strength to do what is right - and you lived up to that.

Be gentle with yourself, you sound like the most caring and thoughtful person that any dog could wish for.

I'm 100% sure your girl knew exactly how much you loved her.

Original poster

Loopylisa1991oxo · 13/04/2022 22:44

i’m reduced to tears with all your kind words, thank you so much - i really needed to hear that … she really was my world & i'm sure with time i’ll reflect & feel proud that i could do this last act of kindness for my girl, just right now feels a bit too raw.

so sorry for all of you who resonate with my feelings - losing an animal really is heartbreaking xx

OP posts:

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