New dog after a loss- how do you know when it’s right?

[MrsKrabapple]

We lost our beloved 13 year old dog six months ago.

It was very upsetting to see her deteriorate and to ultimately make the decision to have her put to sleep. We miss her very much.

Apart from missing her, I miss having a dog. I miss having a dog for walks and traipses on the beach. I miss the company of a pooch.

We now have the opportunity to get a puppy. We have the space and knowledge to do it but I don’t know if we have the heart for it. I’m keener than my husband but he’s happy to get a pup.

But I’m sniffling all day and feeling awful at the idea of replacing my beloved old girl.

How did you know when it was time?

I would say just do it.

A new dog can never replace the old one, but in time they carve their own space out in your heart.

I've waited between dogs, once a few years, another time 6 months. The last time it was only 5 weeks and it was the best decision. I wouldn't wait again.

I'm sorry for your loss of your old girl. She had a good life with you and it's no disservice to her to give that love to another.

We lost our boy, aged 10 a few years ago. We didn’t replace as we still have another dog and he adjusted well to being on his own so didn’t want to disrupt things for him. However, for a good year after we lost our dog, we struggled to say his name without tearing up and it still felt incredibly raw. For us personally that would’ve been too soon. Gradually over time we were able to talk about out time together in a positive way and smile at memories of him. It is such a personal decision but I think when you can look back with fondness and not just grief then maybe it is the right time for you. Another thought though is that maybe the pup will be a positive distraction for you, as we found sometimes we would be jollies along by our other dog when we found things hard. Dogs have a special knack of bringing joy to our lives (not that I would suggest getting a pup solely for this reason, but it sounds like you have lots of love to give)

Thank you both, lots of food for thought there.

I think when you can look back with fondness and not just grief then maybe it is the right time for you

That’s a good way to put it and I think I’m there. It’s a weird feeling because I miss our dog so much but we knew it was 100% her time to go and she had such a great life, I didn’t want her to suffer for a moment longer than she had to. In a way, I feel like I’m not grieving for her, I’m grieving for life with a dog IYKWIM. Probably a strange thing to say.

I would say definitely go for it with a new dog. But just bear in mind puppies are, while very cute, also massive twats! It can be a shock going straight from a solid, companionable and well behaved senior dog to a crazy untrained puppy again!

I'd say wait. My parents got a rescue about six months after their old dog suddenly died, and I think it's been a disaster from the off.

They keep lamenting his behaviour because "old dog never did that" or "old dog liked that". It's like they haven't accepted this dog is not a like for like replacement.

Obviously a rescue mutt a few years old isn't the same as a puppy, but food for thought if nothing else.

“Obviously a rescue mutt isn’t the same as a puppy”. 😢🥵. Having a houseful of rescue mutts I’d beg to differ! I really couldn’t be arsed with a puppy.

But back to the topic, your old dog will always be in your heart and your memories. You’re not replacing him. No two dogs are the same, but they’re all wonderful.

I lost my first ever dog in September.

He was young and it was a traumatic, unexpected death. I miss life without a dog terribly and I miss him every day.

I’m also enjoying not having to always make arrangements for him if we have a non-dog-friendly day out, or I take additional work that takes me away from home for a few more hours.

I feel like I want another dog as there’s a hole in my life, but at the same time I can’t bring myself to do anything with his ashes yet.

It’s extremely hard……

All our dogs have a place in our hearts.weve always had 2 dogs,used to have 3. Have got a toy sitting next to me now on the sofa,he's 16 in march opposite sofa is the 6 year old border collie. I have never been dogless,can't imagine it. I have a friend who had just one dog,he got arthritis very young.after just a few years,they couldn't control his pain,had him put to sleep. Her DH was so devistated, said he would never have another dog, and they haven't

We lost our dog over a year ago. He was very old but he broke my heart.
@Xmasgetaway I chose an evergreen plant and buried his ashes in a pot. I can see the bush from my office window. It flowers and attracts bees and butterflies. When I was choosing the plant a massive bumblebee landed on my coat. I'm not superstitious but it seemed like the right choice.
Anyway, we adopted a 4 year old dog 5 months later. She is a joy. I still miss my old man and she hasn't replaced him but we needed a dog in the house.

@Honeyroar I wasn't very clear. All rescue mutts, including my pair, have their own issues which won't be be the same with a young puppy properly raised in a loving home. Both our girls have significant issues, as does my DPs new dog, but they can't seem to understand it as they've always had dogs from pups. They have no clue how to deal with separation and anxiety, travel sickness etc because "old dog never had these problems, new dog will just have to get on with it" etc.

If you're only thinking about getting a dog because a puppy is suddenly available then maybe you're not ready. Puppies are a HUGE undertaking. If this puppy hadnt shown up, would you be thinking about a new dog? I hadn't realised how much work until i got my rescue puppy a few weeks ago. If you're not up for all the puppy stuff, toilet training, chewing etc what about an older rescue dog?

Or, to test the waters and see if you're ready for a dog why not foster one for a while? If it doesn't work out then when the dog leaves you don't get another one. Or you might fall in love with it and decide to keep it.

@MrsKrabapple i posted something so similar last February! I had some excellent advice /help I don't know how to find old posts I could link you to it . I will try in a bit . We lost our 10 year old dog in the first lockdown very suddenly we had no idea she had cancer , we found out at 1pm and she was pts at 4pm . It was a massive shock . I couldn't say her name without crying , we live in a small town and people knew she had died and would say how sorry they were and I would end up crying in the street . After a few months I started looking at puppies and I realised I was looking at the same colour and the same breed then I gave my head a wobble as I realised I really was trying to recreate her and that wouldn't be a reality . So I left it , my husband said he was ready but if I never was then we wouldn't have another dog. I couldn't imagine never having a dog trot alongside me again but likewise I couldn't imagine having another dog, I was almost arguing with myself! After 10 months I made my mind up with the help of people on here , my stepdad and my husband - not persuading me but reassuring me you can love another dog . Once my mind was made up we found one literally within 2 days - same breed , different colour , it was obviously fate as the people that should have had her had just let the breeder down. Yes it was a shock having an 8 week old puppy from having a calm undemanding older dog but I was prepared to put the work in which I did and I now can't imagine life without her I love her to bits . But it is a lifestyle change and you really do need to be sure you have the time and energy , the love will come I'm sure of that 😀💓

So sorry for your loss, they take such a piece of you with them. Hope you’re holding up okay and let yourself take time to grieve.

I lost my Labrador in 2019 just shy of 15. I ummed and ahed for ages, feeling selfish for wanting to keep her, guilty if she was suffering or worrying it wasn’t the right time (it was). I was absolutely beside myself after we lost her - I couldn’t think about her, speak about her or even listen to a popular song on the radio at the time without hysterical crying.

We waited nearly a year before we got a new Labrador. It was at the time when I started to really think about her again and how much I missed the stupidity and fun Labs bring to your life. I was able to put a photo of her in my work diary and start talking about all the silly things she’d done without wailing. I also started looking wistfully every time I saw Labs out.

I recognised I wasn’t trying to replace her, just fill the hole in my life. I enquired about a litter and the last one left was a little girl who is just perfect and we’ve since got another Lab too. I always say she was gifted to me from my old girl because she’s so well behaved and her recall is amazing, something my old girl refused to do!
It was a massive shock to have a puppy after so long but with training and hard work, it was so worth it.
Don’t rush into it, you’ll know when the time is right.

If you're only thinking about getting a dog because a puppy is suddenly available then maybe you're not ready

We had been thinking about getting a second dog when our dog was still alive but then opted against when she got sick as we didn’t want to stress her out. The breeder I had contacted at the time let me know in November that she had a new litter on the way and to let her know if I wanted one. At the time, I said no but now I’m really thinking I’d love it. It’s not a massively popular breed but one I’ve had since childhood and I can see on the breeder’s website that there’s one still available.

They never feel like a replacement, but my pup reminds me every day of my old boy. Little moments, that are buried at the back of my mind suddenly become fresh again. If you have the time go for it

We waited a year after losing our girl in late 2019. Lockdown made it much more difficult to find a good breeder and visit the mother. I started making enquiries in late 2020 and found one via a work colleague, quite local to us. We got our puppy in spring 2021.
I read on here that it’s “when you miss having a dog, rather than having that dog “ and I think that’s so true.

We decided to get a puppy after our dog passed away.Here she is having a nap.Best decision ever,we all love her so much.

I got a new dog before any of mine passed on. When one did, the other pined badly (breed where they do better in pairs) , so I also got a puppy fairly soon after...

All have been really different to each other & it's been fine from not comparing but it's very easy to forget that they're at different stages. An old dog is trained to you and you to them. A puppy is a new chapter...they write their own story!

If you like having a dog, get a dog. 👍😊

It's so hard and There is no right time

I do think the carving out a new place in your heart is true.

I sometimes cry thinking about the fact our 5 year old one day won't be with us. (In my defense i am very pregnant and hormonal

My dh and I will probably make a decision in a few years or so as to whether we overlap the dogs as that was what we did when I was a child and I found it easier as you didn't feel the loss quite so acutely and also didn't feel anyone was being replaced.

In your shoes I'd go ahead and get the puppy