Puppy and baby

[Billieeee]

Hi all,

I really don’t want to sound horrible when I say this and would really appreciate some supportive messages. We have recently got a puppy and after getting her I found I was pregnant. I’ve previously had two miscarriages and am really struggling with my mental health as a result, I just feel so anxious and on edge all the time and it’s really starting to take its toll. In all of this I’ve just really got to the point where I don’t want to have put puppy any more, I feel awful as she really is the sweetest and most lovely dog but I’m just finding it too draining with everything else going on and I really just want to focus on myself and this baby as this is something we’ve wanted for so long. I knew there was a chance we could end up being pregnant around having the dog but didn’t expect it to be so soon (got pregnant straight off the back of a previous miscarriage) and I also didn’t expect to be struggling as much as I am. I’ve spoke to my husband about it this morning and he very much wants to keep her and is really quite annoyed that I’d even suggest giving her back to the breeder, to the point he now doesn’t want to talk to me. I feel absolutely awful but at the same time he isn’t the one who is going to be off on maternity leave with a baby and a 1 year old dog together. I understand that she will be calmer by 1 but all I can think is how I’m not going to get to enjoy the baby as much as she is still going to need lots of work as a 1 year old dog and I won’t ever be able to leave the baby on her own with her 😞 I feel absolutely awful and really don’t want my husband to hate me but at the same time I just feel if we both aren’t fully invested then it just isn’t going to work, especially when I will be the one home with the dog all day when on maternity.

I would really appreciate any advice at all.

Many thanks

I’m going to be harsh here, but a dog isn’t a handbag you can just return when things get tough.

You are an adult, and you should have factored this in when you decided to buy an animal and give it a home.

Of course if it’s making you ill with stress you should give the pup back to the breeder. But you should never get another animal again.

Your husband doesn't sound great. Do you normally get the silent treatment when you raise something difficult with him?

Please, please.ease put the welfare of this sweet dog over a few hurt feelings. I would, in your case, contact the breeder straight away. Please do not try to recoup your money by selling the dog. It's only going to get worse as the puppy bets bigger and adolescent. You need to accept your limitations which you have done and do the right thing by the pup.

I’m going to be harsh here, but a dog isn’t a handbag you can just return when things get tough.

You are an adult, and you should have factored this in when you decided to buy an animal and give it a home.

Of course if it’s making you ill with stress you should give the pup back to the breeder. But you should never get another animal again.

This. Its a living creature who has bonded with your family and will miss you. Not a toy you can just decide you've had enough of.

Adopting a puppy when you were trying for a baby was a silly thing to do, which you would have known had you done any research before getting her. Its basically like having 2 babies. It IS having 2 babies, albeit one of a different species.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. How about you break down what the actual concerns are and try and work through them pragmatically?

We got 2 dpuppies in November and December of 2013!! Ds arrived Sept 2014!! They are so close!! It wasn't that tough tbh. Lots of training at home. They weren't our first ddogs and ds wasn't the first dc so the house was already busy!
You have already made a commitment to that ddog op.
So crack on.

@Billieeee Our pup was 6 months old when our daughter was born. He has just turned one and she is now 6 months old.

I'll be honest, it was VERY hard at first, especially when my husband went back to work and we were still in lockdown. However, as soon as he was home from work, we'd get our coats on, wrap our daughter up in her pram and we'd go for a long dog walk. We did this in all weathers! I started to really look forward to these walks as it got us out of the house but also gave me and my husband chance to talk to each other without having to rush about washing bottles, making feeds up etc.

However, they are now inseperable and I'm so glad we did it the way we did.

Here are some tips that helped us:

• Let your dog have his own space. We used baby gates to seperate the kitchen and the living room. The kitchen is the dogs space. Now that my daughter is weaning, we spend a lot of time in there in her high chair and he's usually laying underneath it.
• Invest in a baby pen: Ours takes up a LOT of our living room but it's such a safe way to let them be in the same room together. It's also a good way to keep our daughter's toys away from the dog who likes to steal them. If our daughter is in the pen, chances are the dog will be layed next to the pen.
• Don't worry so much about the 'germs': At first, I was always keeping them seperate at all times as I was worried she'd get ill from him. Now she's crawling and moving about, I'm much less concerned about it. I try and avoid him licking her face but as the HV said, she will probably be trying to drink out of his dog bowl before long!
• Let your dog have his own time too: We've had to stop the family walks on an evening as it was too much work trying to get the tea done, walk the dog for a decent time, get home for bath, bottle and bed. My husband now takes him and his behaviour on his walks have massively improved. I think our dog loves that time to himself, away from the noise at home.

I hope this helps :)

As someone said above you need to break down what actually worries you about the situation. Personally I don't really understand what is so awful about a young dog and a baby and I'm not sure what you are in such a state about.
I'd probably give you the silent treatment as well if you were trying to take a puppy away that I had bonded with.
If you can isolate your specific concerns you may find there is a solution other than returning to breeder.

In my honest experience the dog kept me sane when mine were babies! Taking the dog out for an hour on an evening on my own was bliss, and it gave partner a chance to look after and bond with DC. It gave me an excuse to get out the house during the day too, I'd put baby in the sling and go for a walk. And the bond between my dog and the DC is so strong, i wouldn't have it any other way. I did panic when pregnant but I just crossed each bridge as I came to it. Do lots of training now around teaching dog boundaries, teaching them to settle, no jumping up etc. Get pup used to a dog walker now so when baby comes you have someone pup knows and trusts to go out with in the early days after birth. Many people manage dogs and babies OP, I would at least give it shot as your dog loves you and sees you as their family, getting rehomed would be very stressful for her

What are you anxious about? I had a 5 month old pup (husky) when I gave birth to my 3rd child. Also had a 6 and 3 year old. The pup helped me get into a walking routine with the baby when the older two were in school/playschool. My youngest is 11 now and while it was a bit hard at the start, I wouldn't change a thing. They have a fabulous bond and adore each other. Proper training with the pup made a big difference. My dsis has an 8 month old pup with zero training, he's hyper and ignores everything she says.

Thank you for those that have posted some supportive comments. I think I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed in general and half of it is that I’m feeling so anxious about being pregnant again, I just keep feeling like something will go wrong and I don’t think it helped that she jumped on my belly the other day and it completely set me off into a panic, completely not her fault and in hind sight a puppy isn’t going to do that much damage. Me and my husband have had a long chat and we are going to work through it as we did want her and have made a commitment. Has anyone got any advice in general about things to focus on? She is already crate trained and we are finding this a massive help, she pretty much sleeps through the night already and she knows some basic commands. She is also booked on a puppy course and we have agreed she can carry on at doggy day care a few days a week while I’m on maternity if I need a few days with just baby. The main thing we are struggling with at the moment is that she hates being on her own! We are trying to go for baby steps with this and just leave her for short periods.

My other concern is she wakes so easily on a night, like even if I just go to the loo she’s up and whining which worries me when we have a crying baby but I’m presuming she will be better with this by then, I’m hoping so at least. If anyone has any advice on this I’d really appreciate it 😊

@Billieeee Some more tips that have helped us...

• Have something that is specifically for feeding time. A toy, a bone, just something that the dog can have whilst baby is feeding.
• Try and get out with the baby as much as you can! That gives the dog some quiet time too.

I was worried about how my dog would be when I return to work. We've been going out most days, meeting friends, going to baby classes etc. This week, I've had to stay in and our dog has slept all day! I assume thats because thats what he does when we go out. :)

What helped me was getting a behaviourist in to help learn about how to create positive associations and think more longer term. So for instance, if you wouldn't want puppy doing X in two year's time, think about what you would want and start making steps towards it. Doggy day care was also great. All the rescues I've ever had have struggled being alone and having filmed them at various times I could see that even though I'd come home to no visible signs and so really limited the amount of time they were alone by careful planning, dog walker, day care etc.

The puppy course will be great. It's usually the owners not the dogs that need more training

Getting a dog is a commitment and you should stick with it. Even without a baby and even with a puppy, even if you adopted a well trained dog it would still be hard. Just try to be patient. Both my dogs drive me up the wall but there are really special moments that balance it out, you just need to find out what they are with yours. As you get to know each other as well, she'll will learn to read your moods better and react more appropriately to them and it'll get easier. You should maybe think about doing yoga or something to help calm yourself. Your anxiety is not your dogs fault, getting rid of her wont make you feel better.