Newborn baby and visiting dog

[gracie2307]

Hi all,

I am having my first baby due in December 2021. My in laws live out in Italy but are UK ex-pats and (COVID dependent) are hoping to drive back to the UK to see the baby when he is born. They usually stay with us however they have just made the decision to buy a new puppy out in Italy and plan to bring the dog back to the UK when they visit. The issue is - they fully expect to stay at our house and whilst I was ok-ish for them to do so pre dog, I'm now not sure about them bringing the dog. We don't have dogs in our household and our cat gets very scared by dogs. They've had dogs previously however their last dog was very misbehaved and FIL does let their dog get away with murder and thinks it's funny. Im also nervous about them bringing a new energetic big puppy round our newborn and I would rather have a conversation with them early on and ask if they can stay elsewhere. Money isn't an issue for them so they can stay in dog friendly rental accommodation but it's more I don't know how to approach the topic without them getting offended. Last time they had a dog, they got upset when we asked them to keep the dog away from our cat and to keep him in the kitchen. Sorry I know its trivial but any advice would be much appreciated! I know how special pets are to people (I love my cat to bits) but at the same time I would like them to respect my wishes. Thank you!

"Hi PIL - so looking forward to seeing you both and introducing you to baby. As you know our cat is scared of dogs so with you having a new puppy it's probably easiest for everyone if we find somewhere local for you to stay ,otherwise we will spend all our time keeping the animals apart rather than enjoying your visit! Would you like me to investigate some dog friendly AirBnbs in the area?"

It's not trivial, I would never let an untrained dog (or probably any dog to be honest) be in the same house as a newborn. I'd be much more concerned about potential danger to the baby than to the cat!

Thanks @BadlydoneHelen 😊 that's a great response! 👍

Thanks @N4ish - yes that was my main concern, it would be a different story if we were visiting their house but it's more their expectation that it's OK to have their puppy around the baby at our house that I find very difficult

I’m also due in December and I have two dogs.

We are working really hard now to prepare our dogs for the baby. Our dogs are well trained and we have a number of things planned to keep their routine and to make sure they are comfortable with the baby. We are working really hard on the younger one and his jumping. We are planning on buying some more food puzzles and making sure we have loads of stuff in for lickimats to just give them some brain games while we are occupied with the baby. I wouldn’t let just any dog into my house with a newborn, let alone a 6 month old puppy that hasn’t been trained. Additionally, I won’t take my dogs to a house with a cat (even when the other person says it’s fine) because it’s not fair on the cat.

From your in-laws perspective, this isn’t a nice thing for the puppy either. They’re proposing to drive from Italy with a 6 month old puppy. That’s a long drive and if they didn’t train their previous dogs, they’re unlikely to focus on brain games to tire that energetic pup out. The pup is then going to be in a strange place, not getting the attention he is used to. The pup will have a much better time staying at home with someone house sitting at in-laws house. They will be unlikely to leave the dog unattended in the place they’re staying, even if it’s dog friendly most days you need to take the dog with you. So even if they bring the dog over, it will still have to come to your house.

Personally, I also wouldn’t want my in-laws (or anyone) staying with us just after I’ve given birth.

They probably won’t want to leave the dog in the rental when they visit. They will still bring it to your house.

The rules for pets coming into the U.K. have changed, suggest to them that post brexit it's really hard (I'm sure there's a way but they might just take your word!)

You need to nip this in the bud right now. The cheek of your inlaws is staggering. An untrained dog around a baby is a horrible idea, and your cays will be very distressed with an unfamiliar dog in the home. Even without those two very important issues, this dog is not your problem. You need to get this sorted now so there are no misunderstandings. Their dog is not allowed, period.

I thought what SprayedWithDettol said, I've never stayed in an Airbnb or holiday accommodation where you've been allowed to leave dogs unaccompanied (so they are permitted but the small print has always said dog can't be left). I think the best thing all around is for them to find a sitter for their pup while they visit.

*as in to find a sitter in Italy!

Have they checked the new Brexit pet travel rules?

I also agree that leaving pets unaccompanied in accommodation is usually against t&c.

God your IL's sound like hard work.

Just keep it brief - I don't want a dog in the house, it will terrify my cat.

Why is your husband not dealing with this given that it's his parents?

Just tell them that they cannot bring the dog into your home, as you will have a new baby and it would distress the cat. And if they argue with that, say that your cat's welfare is important to you and you WILL NOT have a dog in the house under any circumstances.

Thanks for your messages everyone! Some really helpful guidance especially about brexit pet travel rules and leaving a dog in rental accommodation - hadn't thought about that!

@CasaBonita - Yes they are terribly hard work even at the best of times. My OH is a wonderful partner however when it comes to his parents, he can be unfortunately blindsided. I voiced my concern to him last week when they announced they were getting a dog and he said he agrees with me. I've made it very clear the message needs to come via him too that they need to find alternative arrangements for the dog so fingers crossed he will have the chat with them at the weekend.

@InTheNightWeWillWish Congratulations on your pregnancy! Nice to speak to a fellow December due date. How are you getting on? It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job preparing your dogs for the baby and I agree totally that my ILs should just find a dog sitter/kennels in Italy. I wasn't mad keen on them staying in the first place pre dog anyway because although they "think" they are helping by being around, they still expect to be waited on, made cups of tea etc. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Sorry, you can't bring a dog to our house.

End.

If your DH is telling them, it's a fact not a debate. He doesn't need to explain!

it isn't trivial.

@InTheNightWeWillWish not related to op post but when we had our first baby, I took a blanket to the hospital and had baby wrapped in it while we were there and then gave it to my mum (who was looking after the dogs at her house) so that our 2 dogs could get used to babies smell and she gave them lots of treats and fuss when they sniffed it so they associated the smell with good things. Work well for us!

Im due any day and have 2 cats. I 100% wouldn't even let someone come for the day with a dog! It's a huge adjustment for the cats as it is having a newborn. Having a dog here too would just be cruel.
All that aside, I wouldn't want a puppy near my newborn even if the owner swore it was the most well behaved puppy in the world! Maybe let them know how you feel now and they could delay getting the puppy if they are that adamant they want to stay with you?

@gracie2307 thanks, you too. I keep switching between thinking it’s still ages to go, then realising August is nearly done and September to Christmas always seems to fly by and then I panic a bit How are you getting on? Fortunately we only one spare room, which will soon be baby’s room, so nobody can come stay with us. Both our families don’t live near us but they’ll all decamp to hotels thankfully!

@Mommabear20 thanks, we’re planning on doing that if we can. None of our family live close and our hospital is currently letting partners stay on the ward, so we’ll have to balance how much support I need and sending DH home to get them used to smell of baby. We’re also going to buy some new dog toys and give them to them as we get home.