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Original poster

Rehoming my dog

34 replies

ra30 · 21/05/2021 00:27

Hi. This is always a sensitive topic. I have two littermate Bitches . I have had them since they were 8 weeks old and they have gone through periods of fighting. In the past year it has gotten worse . I can't walk them as they will fight (blood drawn). In the past month they have had 3 serious fights and tonight it did not stop. After all techniques failed I put my hand in one's mouth trying to prose her off the other dog and was bitten (tetnus, antibiotics ). Blood everywhere. The two dogs can not stay together. I am keeping the temperamental dog that isn't trust worthy. The other dog who is so sweet loves people , children , I am rehoming. I have a friend who was looking for a dog and is trustworthy and we have arranged for me to bring my dog to her on Saturday for a visit. The problem is my 7 year old loves this dog she is his girl every morning she grabs her blanket and 'talks to him' she loves him and he loves her (he loves the other dog too but not this bonded level). Has anyone had to re-home their child's beloved dog how did you make it better ? This is the worst situation . I can not rehome the other dog instead as she is clingy, unpredictable to strangers and overweight. I have cried , my son has cried. I just need to know what to say to make it better

OP posts:
IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 21/05/2021 00:44

I have no advice for you but I do feel so sad for you and your son. I think you are doing the right thing. Bitches will fight to the death and it is better for her to be rehomed than for the fighting to continue. In your position I would do anything I could to make your son smile. Is there any treat of promise you can make to him to help him through it? I know that losing the dog is like losing a part of the family but I would just do whatever it takes to help him.

You sound like a great mum and a great dog owner too.

Original poster
ra30 · 21/05/2021 01:05

Thank you. I can't sleep. I'm so stressed and worried. I have had them for 3 years I love them. My head is like this will be better she can live happily with another family (who also have a 7 year old son and an older daughter who is the same age as my older son). The person isn't a close friend but we were friends when we had our older children and she had a dog then (which eventually died from old age) so she knows what a dog entails. She asked.me.all the sensible questions but is also really excited and hopeful. It's just my heart is in pain for my son, my dogs and myself. I'm panicking that what if I give her my dog and then she gets dognapped or runs away in the woods looking for us. My stomach is aching I'm so anxious . I am being honest with my son and showed him pictures of my friend and her kids and read the messages to him. But he was in the kitchen crying with the dog and it's so heartbreaking. I have taken her to the vets and their is no illness causing this. I do think one will kill the other eventually but I just wish it wasn't true .

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/05/2021 01:07

Is the temperamental dog safe to have around your child?

Happenchance · 21/05/2021 01:09

Has the temperamental dog been vet checked to see if there is anything medically wrong with her, that could be causing her to behave the way that she is?

Scissor · 21/05/2021 01:11

I'm so sorry. It's really hard but you seem to be choosing the hardest route and I don't understand your reasoning. You have a dog that is truly bonded with your child and that is not to be underestimated. The dog you now have who is super ok you are going to take away from their bond and potentially end up with 2 very not ok dogs rather than the 1 you have now. Bonds work 2 ways.

ZombiePara · 21/05/2021 01:13

Is the temperamental dog only temperamental due to the other bitch?

Would she be "normal" and not temperamental if they were split and you kept the bonded pup?

Is it a case more of circumstances and she needs to be the only dog, rather than her personality?

Floralnomad · 21/05/2021 01:17

Unfortunately this is quite common in littermates which is why any decent breeder wouldn’t let two go to the same home . Are they both neutered and is there a pattern to the fights that could maybe be handled ?

Original poster
ra30 · 21/05/2021 01:28

So I have had them 3 years ,have had Training ,. Have taken them to the vets numerous times. The temperamental dog is fine with the kids and the family and is bonded to us. Her issue is very nervous of strangers, very clingy to the family. You can take things out of her mouth , put your hand in her food bow etc . She actually alot of the times tries to walk away from the other dog. The other dog is more friendly with all people children etc. However she is actually the one starting fights with the more temperamental dog. When I say fights these are blood drawn fights. These fights are having terrible effects on the kids. Who know to leave the room. But these are fights where blood is up the wall. Tonight is the second night in the space of a Month where I have had to tell them to stay upstairs as I cleaned blood off the walls. I really am not underestimating my son's feelings. I am trying to re-home the dog that is going to adapt more easily in a new home. I am hoping other people have been in a rehoming situation before and can advise me on how they supported their child through it. These are our family pets they are so loved this is not a whim, this is the last choice. I explained this to the vets last month that I needed every option before this. Nothing has worked.

OP posts:
OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 21/05/2021 01:32

It’s a horrible decision, so sorry you are facing this. Can your son
maybe still go for walks with the rehomed dog after she has settled, or would this upset them both?

Can I also say a big thank you for sticking with the more reactive dog. She may be harder to rehome, but perhaps a different home with people experienced with her issues/more time/access to different training might be good for her too?

I’m just sending FlowersGinCake cos it’s bloody hard.

Original poster
ra30 · 21/05/2021 01:38

@Floralnomad

Unfortunately this is quite common in littermates which is why any decent breeder wouldn’t let two go to the same home . Are they both neutered and is there a pattern to the fights that could maybe be handled ?
I didn't realise until after I had them regarding littermate syndrome and the terrible mix of two evenly matched bitches. I got them in 2018 all was fine until end of 2019. My temperamental girl started having no tolerance. I took them to be spayed early 2020 and found out the temperamental girl had closed pyrometria. After the spay she was then laid back with the other dog. But it seemed like the behaviour had been introduced. They seemed ok and I thought the spay had helped. Then they started fighting near the end of 2020 again. This time much more bloody, there was a technique when they start to fight we were to leave the room, this worked even though we leave the room on average 5 times a day. Then in April they had a big fight on a walk, then a week later when they were doing there daily square up when we left the room all hell broke loose I had to go back in and seperate them both needed medical attention. Then the same tonight but this one was impossible to break up. I don't care about this but I ended up in a&e having a tetnus and antibiotics as was bitten. They both need treatment and antibiotics. My son is so upset but if one dog kills the other that is worse.
OP posts:
Original poster
ra30 · 21/05/2021 01:43

@OnceUponAMidnightBeery

It’s a horrible decision, so sorry you are facing this. Can your son maybe still go for walks with the rehomed dog after she has settled, or would this upset them both?

Can I also say a big thank you for sticking with the more reactive dog. She may be harder to rehome, but perhaps a different home with people experienced with her issues/more time/access to different training might be good for her too?

I’m just sending FlowersGinCake cos it’s bloody hard.

The thing is she is good with me and the family. I am patient and we have built her trust , one trainer said it was genetic. Even the vet said to re-home the other one (who I love . I love them both my stomach is killing I feel sick ), this is physically painful but I can't see another way. Unless someone here truly is an expert and can point me to another option.
OP posts:
Original poster
ra30 · 21/05/2021 01:50

The Person I am talking about rehoming the dog to doesn't live far. She is being really understanding. Its been a bad day , maybe things will seem more possible in the morning but Google searches regarding fighting bitches always come out the same. I'm sorry if I'm coming off badly to people I'm tired , emotional I can't stop shaking.

OP posts:
Scissor · 21/05/2021 05:47

So you are not taking vets advice and not listening to your son's heartbreak.
I'm sorry but I still do not understand why you are making your child suffer

AlmostSummer21 · 21/05/2021 05:58

You really should try a GOOD behaviouralist, not just a trainer. Make sure they're credible not a quack.

Have you seen any of 'Digs behaving (really) badly? Yes it's fir TV, but it'll give you an idea of what can be achieved with the right person guiding you.

Frenchfancy · 21/05/2021 06:05

What à difficult situation. I do understand why you want to keep the difficult dog, you are putting the dogs neds before your own. Unfortunately that means you are also putting the dogs needs before your DS. A good bond like that could be the best part about his childhood. It is not something you can buy or replace.

In your position I would rehome the difficult dog through a breed specific charity and keep ds's best friend.

Original poster
ra30 · 21/05/2021 07:02

Hi the vet made a referral to a behaviourist. Nothing has worked. Obviously because I haven't used names of my dogs it's a confusing post but the vet told me to re-home the easy one. Anyways thanks to those that did show a some understanding. I really regret posting here I posted for advice on helping my son through a difficult time. And obviously there is no advice.

OP posts:
ValerieMalone · 21/05/2021 07:15

@Scissor

So you are not taking vets advice and not listening to your son's heartbreak. I'm sorry but I still do not understand why you are making your child suffer
I think you’ve misread. It’s slightly confusing but as I read it the OP was talking about the reactive dog and the vet said to rehome the “other one,” which refers to the easy dog. That is what the OP is doing.
Theredjellybean · 21/05/2021 07:25

I think you sound so nice
Caring about doing the right thing for the dogs op and I think that you should try to take heart, ftom that.
So many people would dump the dogs
Your son will be sad, but just as pets do die, family circumstances change etc, many kids go through loss of dearly loved things and are OK.
This might sound bonkers but if it is fighting due to two even matched britches, coukd you consider a new pup or dog.. A neutered male perhaps?
I'd say take advice of your vet or trainer on that... And I know I'll get flamed.. But I don't think it's irresponsible to get a new better suited puppy for your son.
You sound incredibly responsible dog owner, and also though the dogs fight, you remaining bitch may mourn too, and be lonely

Branleuse · 21/05/2021 07:38

I dont see why you would get rid of his favourite one. Seems pretty cruel. This will be a memory he keeps forever and a huge grief for him. I think you should rehome the other one, even if its harder

Original poster
ra30 · 21/05/2021 07:53

Thank you for being so kind. My son does love both dogs he isn't saying get rid of the other dog. I did show him pictures of my friend and of her little boy and it seemed like it made it better. The fights are seriously bad and because they are evenly matched both get badly hurt. The more difficult dog is actually ok with dogs but at the moment another puppy is too upsetting. My son wouldn't want that. He is bonded with both but I can't deny that him a 'his' dog have a special bond. Because she is playful and likes fetching etc. Even though I don't see this lady often I know her well, when our kids were little we saw eachother weekly. It's just her daughter and a few others went to a different school and then she moved . She is a responsible dog owner she would not pass my dog on, the dog will have access to the whole house go on days out etc. She has also been really empathetic and said she didn't want to push or rush me. She said if this goes ahead this is a home for life and I believe her as she had a dog when I met her and when it died she took a long break. Its hard on forums to really show how long something has gone on for, how much damage they are doing. And how frightening the fighting is for my son.

OP posts:
Happenchance · 21/05/2021 10:09

@ra30

Thank you for being so kind. My son does love both dogs he isn't saying get rid of the other dog. I did show him pictures of my friend and of her little boy and it seemed like it made it better. The fights are seriously bad and because they are evenly matched both get badly hurt. The more difficult dog is actually ok with dogs but at the moment another puppy is too upsetting. My son wouldn't want that. He is bonded with both but I can't deny that him a 'his' dog have a special bond. Because she is playful and likes fetching etc. Even though I don't see this lady often I know her well, when our kids were little we saw eachother weekly. It's just her daughter and a few others went to a different school and then she moved . She is a responsible dog owner she would not pass my dog on, the dog will have access to the whole house go on days out etc. She has also been really empathetic and said she didn't want to push or rush me. She said if this goes ahead this is a home for life and I believe her as she had a dog when I met her and when it died she took a long break. Its hard on forums to really show how long something has gone on for, how much damage they are doing. And how frightening the fighting is for my son.
You may find that the "temperamental" dog becomes more playful after the other dog has been re-homed. If she's being attacked a lot, she may have become a bit shut down.

I wouldn't let your son visit the other dog until she has had a chance to settle into her new home, which can take a long time (3 months to a year). If you visit/meet up with her for a walk when she is still settling in, she may become upset when you leave, which will upset your son. In the meantime, would the dog's new owners be willing to send pictures, videos and written updates to your son?

I would be very wary of introducing another puppy/dog because the remaining dog has had such a bad experience of living with another dog. The remaining dog may need some support to help her cope with being left at home alone (assuming that there will be times when she is left at home).

Beamur · 21/05/2021 10:17

I think you are right to seperate these dogs. They must both be very stressed by this.
Your son will be sad, but surely it's better all round for both dogs to be in safe happy homes?

longtompot · 21/05/2021 10:33

@AlmostSummer21

You really should try a GOOD behaviouralist, not just a trainer. Make sure they're credible not a quack.

Have you seen any of 'Digs behaving (really) badly? Yes it's fir TV, but it'll give you an idea of what can be achieved with the right person guiding you.

I haven't watched the programme myself, but on the breed specific fb group I'm on they say they use very outdated methods for 'training' the dogs and it is not recommended.

Such a hard decision @ra30 and one I wouldn't want to have to make. I think you have made a very sensible decision which will result in a much more relaxed life for not only both the dogs, but for your house too. In my heart I would want to keep the dog your ds loves, but to keep the one who is temperamental and is bonded with you does seem to be the right thing to do. A happy dog who loves all people will have a much easier chance to settle in with a new family.
I think if your friend is happy to, then the occasional email with photo for your ds sounds a lovely idea. I think he will be ok with the dog you are keeping if it is just the two of them and who knows, he might even start doing the same things he was doing with his favourite dog.
I hope the rehoming goes well. You are doing the right thing Flowers

FarmersWife3 · 21/05/2021 10:48

I can't offer any advice, but do think you are doing the right thing for both the dogs and your son in the long run. As you say, the dog fights must be really upsetting for your son, and I would focus your conversations with him on how you are doing it to make sure both dogs have a happy and safe life, and need to make sure they don't badly hurt each other. He will be upset, but children do get over things much quicker than you expect usually (and faster than the grown-ups!). I would just rehome the dog to your friend as quickly as possible, as its usually the build up to these things that is worse than the aftermath. When we have had to have dogs pts, having photos of the dogs for our sons to look at has helped a lot, so make sure you take some (or DS may want to take some?) before the dog goes. He could draw pictures of the dog to remember her by? If the dog has a favourite toy, make a point of giving that to the new family to show DS that the dog will be happy and looked after.

Floralnomad · 21/05/2021 10:59

I absolutely think that in your circumstances you are doing the right thing , if it would help your child get the new owner to agree that if the dog doesn’t fit with her family that it has to come back to you at least that way you will always know where she is . I don’t think meeting up with her after she’s moved will help or at least not for a long while . There is a company that can make stuffed animals that look like your pet from photos perhaps you could do that .