Not enjoying new puppy

[Rosie5060]

Please don’t judge me but I got a new puppy who has been with us for a week and I’m really not enjoying it.

I’ve spent nearly 2 years researching and waiting for the right time for a puppy to join our family (I have a four year old). But I have spent the last week stressed and feeling way out of my depth. He is a cocker/cavalier cross and there’s some things he’s doing great and I know he is only 8 weeks so I can’t expect a lot from him but I am just feeling overwhelmed with being nipped, constant supervision, not listening to commands and listening to training. I’m struggling to bond and can’t help but feel like this isn’t pricing together nicely.

My son has spent the last week sat on the sofa playing on his tablet because he can’t be bothered to be jumped up at and trousers pulled. I’m struggling to give my son one on one time because I the puppy needs so much attention constant wee breaks, redirecting to toys, drop it, games.

I have even considered the unthinkable, returning him to the breeder. Has anyone else been through this? Can I get this back on track?

We had the same problem with our two. Chewing holes in walls, gnawing on furniture. We nearly took them back!

We got two crates. One with pillows and blankets for sleeping, the second with a "pee mat" in case of an accident. We butt the two crates together over night so they can access the pee mat if needed. During the day the pee-crate is on top of the sleeping crate to take up less space. While I work in my office they like to nestle in their sleeping crate (they're there now!).

I added a storm door to the back door with a doggie flap.

They sleep in their own room (my office) every night.

18 months old now - they're our delight!

@Rosie5060

I did do a lot of research before getting a puppy and I’ve put as much into practice as possible. He’s doing well at toileting outside, he settles nicely in his crate and doesn’t cry in the night, I am learning to follow his cues when he’s tired and needs naps, he understands sit, lay down and sometimes drop (depending on what he’s got). There’s a LOT going right for this baby.

You’re right I just need to decide quickly if I want to continue as he’s clearly a lovely dog. Just a stupid owner.

Sounds like he is doing very well for being so young and so are you op! It gets so much easier!

Op, I know exactly how you are feeling. I almost posted the exact same thing 2 months ago.

We did keep the pup and I am trying my absolute hardest to do the right things. But it is all consuming. My kids do hang out in a different room on iPads now and I feel I see so much less of them. One of my kids is still quite nervous of her and I feel bad that he is apprehensive about coming in to kitchen in his own house.

I just hope things improve and it will all be worth it by the time she is a year or so.

And to the people saying wel you obviously didn’t do your research, it’s very easy to not fully understand what it’s like until you have your own puppy. Much like when you have your first baby

You’re not stupid @Rosie5060. You only have to look at hundreds of posts on the doghouse to see loads of people have a similar experience.
Puppy regret or puppy blues are real.
I planned and researched for over two years. I still struggled with my first. I remember sobbing with her in my arms saying if I didn’t bloody love her so much then she would be going back!!
Do you want a dog? If so stick with it. Find a decent trainer.
Or not.

Puppies aren’t enjoyable, not at all, they’re bloody hard work for about 18 months, if you’re not up for that then give him back now and don’t get another one

You spent 2 years researching without finding out that normal behaviour for an 8 week pup, just taken from the litter, is to endlessly nip pee play chew jump and seek attention and company. And they don't obey verbal instructions.

Amazing.

Just give it back to the breeder.

Puppies are bloody hard work and 2 weeks in I was done in. However, we persevered and now have a lovely calm dog. It does take work and training. My dd suffered from lack of attention too so I got her involved in the training and games. The hard work doesn't stop though and just changes as they get older. There's nothing wrong with deciding that the dog isn't for you but please return it to breeder sooner rather than later if you are going to

There is a very good reason why rescues don’t like to rehome a dog to a family with small children.

Puppies and small kids are, on the whole, a terrible mix

If I was in your shoes I would take him back to the breeder now and maybe wait until your LO is older and can help out with it. It’s not easy having a puppy but if you’re stressed out after a week I think it may only get worse.

I forgot to mention in my earlier post; our two are bother and sister, from the same litter. They play together, sleep together, snuggle together. It has made life easier for us, as they don't turn to us for attention all the time.

It sure was tough at the beginning!

I knew exactly what was normal for babies but knowing it academically and experiencing it were very different! Take heart OP.

Yes, return to the breeder...and what planet do 9 week old pups follow instructions 😂

Puppies are really, really hard work which is why I won't be getting one.
They are fluffy pooping, peeing machines and god forbid if you have carpet.
Don't forget the chewing, they will chew your doors and furniture until they are trained/settled.
You could get a puppy playpen of sorts with puppy pads, ime it does get easier but the first few months are ruff until toilet trained.
You will need to think whether it is worth it in the long run, but imo this is the reason why a lot of pups get returned.

Mumsnet is extra biscuits at the moment OP so ignore the nastier posters. They also love to hate both lockdown puppies and poodle crosses!
Aww
I do feel your pain. Our 8 week old lab came home on Saturday and no amount of research could prepare us for the constant chewing! It doesn’t help when people describe it as “mouthing” when it’s actually “chomping down and shaking” 😂

Only you can make the right decision for your family but I am finding each day is getting easier! My DS is nearly 12 though so it’s a bit easier.

*vicious not biscuits

Thanks for all your replies, the honest and the harsh. This is gut wrenching I feel awful.

I had the puppy blues , I would cry on returning home to see what mess my boy had made or what he had ruined. He chewed through remotes , aerials , post, clothes , sponges and ate a glass tumbler once ( I have no idea how he is still alive ) and believe it or not that was all with me being careful. He escaped from every crate I got him and chewed through cable ties. He is two now , and my baby. He calmed down about 5 or 6 months ago.

Xjerseygirlx what breed do you have?

@Overdueanamechange

If you are going to return him to the breeder please do it now, not in another 3+ months when he has got used to you (and damage has been done). Puppies aren't for everyone.

This. There’s more hard work ahead if you keep him, and you don’t enjoy it. It would be unkind to keep him a bit longer, find you still can’t cope and rehome him when he thinks he’s settled with you.

Puppies can be dreadful creatures, as cute as they may be. Do some simple at home training exercises until 12 weeks when you can go to puppy training classes. Don’t tolerate naughty behaviour, show puppy who’s in charge. We have a lot of dogs. Our latest puppy is now 5 months old and she’s growing on me now, I Couldn’t bond with her for a long time she was such a nuisance. You need to put the training time in tho. Make sure she’s getting enough sleep, a tired puppy is much like a tired toddler.
If you’re going to give her back, do it soon. But trust me, it will get better.

Just to add..... I totally disagree with what others have said about it getting worse. Trust me, it will get better with proper training and discipline.

Also, are you using a crate? Puppies like crates and it’s a safe space you can put them for naps etc. Make sure you have loads of chew toys.
Introduce new ones often so they don’t get bored of them. Private message me if you want to, I have lots of puppy experience!!

No self respecting breeder would send a pup out at 8 weeks.

Just lost for words at your completely unrealistic expectations of a baby that should still be with its mother. It’s a sentient being, not a toy that can be shoved in a cage for convenience.
Rehome through a reputable charity now (not through the dodgy “breeder”) before you mess the animal up.

OP it sounds like actually you and your puppy are doing pretty well from your update. With both of ours when they were puppies my husband found me sat on the floor in floods of tears at the misery of at all, on more than one occasion. This might not be a popular view but puppies are a bloody nightmare; cute for other people to play with but a nightmare to look after 24/7. There is no way on gods earth I could have coped with a four year old and a puppy so you’re a better woman than me.

If you decide to keep your puppy you need to be much, much more realistic. Puppies and children on the whole don’t mix. Put all those perfect dreams of them playing together, being best friends to one side - that can happen, but it will be much much later.

I reckon it takes till about a year (sorry!) before you really get your life back. I am glad I persevered - my dogs are my world - but Christ the puppy period, it’s hard. Good luck.