Struggling with the new cat

[Lozzerbmc]

DP and DS13 have wanted a cat for years. Im not an animal lover myself, but I relented given lockdown and thinking of the company it would provide for DS as he’s only child. Its day 4, cat is 10 months and very lively and confident. He is sweet cat but has bitten DS every day so far and now DS upset. He is a sensitive boy with no prior experience of pets and he is tired from end of term, so hoping things will get better. Cat leaps about with lots of energy on worktop and table. I feel I cant relax in my own home as cat demands attention and meows if left. He is sweet and quite gentle generally. He’s been great at night and using litter tray. Hoping for some assurance it will get better....

We got our male kitten almost two weeks ago and although he's cute, funny and affectionate (when he wants) it's not all plain sailing.

He will bite (in a teething way) so we've provided toys he can chew.
He's obsessed with hands so we've learnt to read his body language, keep hands away when he's overly playful and got him a wand which he loves.
Dh and I have a lot of scratches. It's inevitable with a kitten but he will grow out of it.

Distractions are great. Hugo loves ping pong balls, rustling balls, his wand and endless other toys....my house looks like a toddler lives here. 😂

I just noticed your kitty is 10 months. You could try nasty tasting stuff for cats so when he bites he won't like it if it continues.

You are only on day four though so your cat's still going to be scared. Make sure he has hiding places to feel secure.

Is it aggressive biting? Like the cat is scared ? Or playful biting? Or is the cat trying to get your attention? We also have a 10 month old male cat who can be bitey, we have to play with him quite a lot, and when he was able to go outside it helped a lot.
It is only day 4 though, personally I find cats need a little bit of time to settle. Also is he neutered?

Thanks for the helpful comments. Yes he is neutered and i dont think hes aggressive but just comes up and bites him- it could be playful. I wondered if it was because DS was a bit near the litter tray on his territory as it were. He has places to hide and does so sometimes. He meows all the time which DP says is chatty. I think under normal circumstances we’d have met him beforehand but we covid we couldnt. We do play with him and yes our house too looks like we have a toddler. I think we just need to persevere

Honestly, I don’t think cats are as good as pets as dogs and I wouldn’t be convinced much will change with his energy levels, at least not for a few years.

I have a cat, she has a nice enough temperament but she does still occasionally run at you and bite you (playing, not aggression!), she loves the children but like most cats she does have a habit of suddenly not wanting anymore stroking and ‘biting’ their hand, it’s not a proper bite, just a gentle touch with her teeth that leaves no mark whatsoever but my two youngest still get upset by it sometimes.

She is very destructive, I’ve just relented and let her back in the house after listening to her incessant crying and scratching my back door (which has caused severe, noticeable damage to said door over the years).
I chucked her out after catching her shredding my houseplants yet again.

She has damaged my bed, and the beds before that, my bookcase, my wine box, my curtains upstairs, my laundry box, part of the bottom stair corner is now totally without carpet, fortunately DH hasn’t noticed as it’s a small patch and similar colour to the carpet.
She’s ruined clothes from chewing them, she ruined two fabric sofas and my current leather one has substantial damage on one of the arms from her using it to jump onto the cabinet.

I honestly wish we’d never got her.

@Hotchocolatewithcream sorry to hear that. I do know what you mean about good pets, i guess dogs are people pleasers where cats are not. Its awful that your cat has been so destructive to your home. Its hard enough keeping it nice with kids around let alone pets. Why does she do that? How old is the cat?

I do feel at the moment we’ve made a mistake but I’m hopeful we’ll get used to him. I feel sorry for him that me and DS havent yet bonded with him and feel this way, as he has been very good at the litter tray etc and it must be strange for him being somewhere new. My DP adores him! I feel like I cant relax in the evenings as I just think he’s going to leap on me!

I honestly have no idea!

She has outdoor access and we’ve bought so many toys and scratching posts; both the pole type and activity centre type.
Different materials too like sisal, Seagrass, cardboard etc so I don’t think she’s bored.

She doesn’t strike me as a particularly nervy/anxious cat either so not convinced it’s stress.

She’s very playful, jumps on the dog a lot, knocks the fridge magnets off and pings them all around the house, ditto bits of paper, small kids toys, dead leaves etc.

I think she’s just a cat that likes scratching things tbh!
Just not the right scratching things...

I’ve had her at least five years now, from a tiny kitten.

Have you tried waving one of those wand type toys with feathers and balls or toy mice on the end when he goes to run at/bite you?
If he’s not being aggressive, trying to engage you in play would be my guess for him biting

A cat that age (or any age really!) isn't going to bond with you after 4 days - you need to massively lower your expectations?

Was the cat in a rescue or being home fostered? Did they say it was suitable to be honest with young children? If he's biting he's probably exerting his dominance? Or he's not used to children - ones especially that aren't used to a pet and don't respect personal space, move about quickly and can be noisy?

Why can't you relax if he jumps on you? You said you want to bond with him? You won't if he picks up on your anxiety?

If he's biting he's probably exerting his dominance? Or he's not used to children - ones especially that aren't used to a pet and don't respect personal space, move about quickly and can be noisy?
Cats that are uncomfortable around people and aggressive though tend to avoid people, they hide, if approached they hiss, growl, swish their tails etc.
A cat boldly walking up to someone and biting their hand sounds to me more like an invitation to play or an attempt to get attention.
Mine does it all the time to my dog, just struts up to her and bites her.
She’ll walk up to her when she’s sleeping and rub up against her then bite her ears or her toes.
She does it to try and instigate play and will follow the dog round biting her legs and jumping up and wrapping her paws round her throat and biting her head until the dog relents and wrestles her.

Yes a rescue cat and suitable for teenagers rather than young children as too ‘in your face’! Yes probably do need to lower my expectations - it takes time I know.

Can you get some cat nip toys? One of those poles with a dangly toy on the end? He needs playing with. He will be fine. Are you planning on getting a cat flap so he is able to go out? It’s very early days wait while he wants to sleep with you it’s lovely.

I have rescued two cats 6 years ago. They were both siblings and already 2 years old. It took months for them to settle down. My male cat scratched the wallpaper of my sons bedroom, living room and staircase and would scratch my son as well. His sister would wee anywhere when she was unhappy with something. After lots of love and patience she stopped doing it and he is a much calmer cat, still scratches the wallpapers but not my son. They have become very close since then. It's important to read the tail and ears movements, this tell you how they are feeling.

@sorrow4ever thank you - yes beginning to be able to read him via ears and tail. He is still biting DS unfortunately but DS is very forgiving. Will get better when he can go out as he’ll be less active in the house. Adding to my stress is that DP and DS dont clean up as often as they should so he has pooed on sofa twice and also kitchen floor which DP has been putting down the loo?! We’re assuming because cat litter box not clean enough. So i’m having to remind DP and DS about doing things properly.

You need to do more research on owning a cat. Many will bite - my little monster bites, not hard.

At 13 your son should understand no animal will be perfect or behave exactly as he wants.

The poor cat is adjusting to a new home and new people. This is a really stressful time For the cat.

If this is causing you this much stress maybe you should think now if you are really prepared to be a pet owner. The cat could live a long life, and be with you long after your son moves out. Are you and your husband really prepared for that commitment?

@Lozzerbmc I have 3 cats and I'm the only who cleans the cat litter. I have bought an automated one from Amazon. A bit expensive but the fact that I don't have to clean every single day makes it easier and worth it. Does your DS chases the cat? In the beginning they like to be left on their own. They will get closer to you with time. Maybe giving treats to get closer to you so you can cuddle their head??..

I think everyone who first gets an animal goes through that sudden panic of "what have I done?!" Even if it's a well thought through and planned decision. I did when I got my current cat, and I'm an experienced cat owner! I'm now getting through it with an adopted dog!

It does sound like the cat wants attention or to play. It's still young, and again the behaviour does tend to calm over time, especially if you learn some cat games that you can all play safely. A laser pointer is simple and really good fun! My cat used to bite my tummy or leg for more attention. A firm "no" and then try to give it what it wants normally works. It's really just asking to bond, either through strokes or play, so try to think of it that way. Little meows are "chatting with you" louder demanding ones are normally asking for food... As is purring loudly and getting under your feet!

Re:toileting, it won't continue to go behind the sofa etc. forever The stress and new environment will be making the accidents worse, and will resolve over time. Just take care to clean up really well and spray using a pet deodorising spray to remove the temptation to use the same spot. You can also put tinfoil down on the favourite spots as they don't like the feel of it. Cats can like privacy to poo, especially when they are nervous, so consider a covered litter tray if you don't already have one.

As you learn more about it, and build trust, you will hopefully feel more relaxed in the evening. If the cat is going crazy in the evening a plug-in pheromone dispenser in the room with you will also help to calm the cat.

Good luck, try and give it at least a couple of weeks before you decide you've made a horrible mistake! Hopefully it'll be a wonderful, cheeky furry friend to you all in time!

If it’s play-biting, don’t draw your hand away, leave it there, the cat will often lick it straight afterwards as it’s not a ‘real’ bite. Dangly toys on sticks like Da Bird work well as you can all have play time without getting shredded!

Boy kittens are very lively and boisterous!

Get plenty of toys he can play with. Ds can use them to play with him too. Is he biting down hard or just getting hands in mouth? Also cats only like to be touched in certain ways or places and you need to learn what that is for your cat. Often when they're little (and even mature cats) the belly will trigger biting and kicking.

I would work on ds not being afraid of the cat from the biting. This isn't something he will do forever. It is probably a teething thing.

It's very hard to teach a cat anything tbh! But if you stop playing if he does hurt you he will learn what is hurting you. Good luck!

Oh also try feliway diffusers.

Thank you again for your comments - really appreciate people taking the time to respond.

Situation is same with daily biting and saw him today go for DS while DS was playing xbox. He did same to DP. It may be for attention. Cat going to vet tomorrow as eye watery and still not using covered litter tray so need to rule out anything medical. We have started letting him go in the garden which he seems to enjoy....