Does anyone's DH prohibit pets from all other areas of the home (hamster owner)

[hopingforonlychild]

I am not sure if this is because my DH grew up without pets or if this is common and natural. I knew my DH doesn't much like pets but he agreed to a hamster as its cage is in the second bedroom which I am now using as a home office during the pandemic (it was originally earmarked as a nursery when we bought our flat, but we are not planning on a child for at least the next 3 years /hamster's natural lifespan).

Its been 2 weeks since I got my hamster and I managed to get it to sit on my hand. I carried it to our bedroom in my hand to show my DH, it sat there as good as gold, and he shouted at me to take it away as it was making him uncomfortable. He also told me he wouldn't like the hamster to live in the living/dining room (even though I know that many hamsters do live in lounges) as it is unsanitary. Now I can understand why he would object to dogs and cats as while most are toilet trained, accidents do happen. But this is a caged animal, all the poops and pee are confined to 1 area and I sweep it up daily (not that there is much as it is 1 tiny animal). I have asked him multiple times whether the cage smells and he says it doesn't (so its not that issue).

I guess cos its a hamster, it probably is happy enough not exploring other areas of the flat (so far it has only exercised in its playpen in its designated bedroom) so the question isn't about its welfare. I think maybe its a question of him getting used to the pet. Its not that he hates the pet either, he often comes into the room multiple times a day to look at the cage but refuses to touch it and maintains a safety distance (like it was a lion). He has cut up veggies for it.

Would love to know everyone's thoughts, thanks.

Give him time- sounds like he is still getting his head round things! Anyone that's had bigger pets before will realise what a low-key animal a hamster is but as he's brand new it's still a Big Deal. In the meantime the hamster sounds like he is getting plenty of attention and exercise so don't fret about him either. It's positive that DH is engaging with the hamster to a point, but I wouldn't push him. They'll be best buds by the new year I'm sure!

One of my friend's husbands is like this with small furries, he really, really doesn't like them. Their DC had a hamster and had to keep it in their room. He wanted the children to have the experience of pet ownership but really disliked it for himself, almost to the point of phobia I'd say.

It is what it is. I'm sure you can work out a compromise but the hamster isn't going to be damaged by staying in one area.

Also they do get lost very easily in houses, go behind cupboards etc - that was a fun time for friend's DH.

My hubby doesn't really get the choice tbh.

We have rabbits and there are some areas not permitted but for their safety more than anything else.

He's gotten used to it.

Hamster needs exercise though, needs time out of it’s cage.
Did he really object to a pet when you got it?

It is interesting, as I dislike small furries, and dislike the cages, (messy/smelly) but have no problem with cats and dogs. I wonder if it is the type of animal or any animal in the long run.

He soudns very unsure of having any animal in the house. Is this cultural?

To be hamsters and rats and mice are all too similar to wild vermin, so I'm not a fan. Does that have the same association for him?

It really isn't unhygenic to walk roudn with it though (except maybe the kitchen)

@MrMeSeeks i put it in its playpen when i keep it in the same room. Its a relatively new hamster (got him 2 weeks ago). Tbh it doesn't really like the playpen. I only managed to get him sit in my hand 2 days ago. I think its is quite quick to tame a hamster, many hamsters never get tamed and just bite.

my DH doesn't know much about hamsters so i guess when he agreed, he didn't think about the exercise component or thought i would confine it to its bedroom.

Lots of people don't like small furry animals op. I think you're going to have to accept that he's not interested in looking at the hamster.

When I got my first hamster at the age of 11, I saved up for it and bought it and the cage with my own meagre pocket and birthday money.

The rules were that the cage had to be in the old coal store (attached to the kitchen, not quite as bad as it sounds) and the hamster could be taken out to be handled for short periods during the evening.

Within months, the hamster spent his whole evening in the living room with us, being passed from person to person or running round the floor.

One cold night, his cage was brought into the house... and never left.

We were up to hamster number four, I think, when I went off to uni. When he fell ill, my dad took him to the vet, who decided it was best to put him down. One of the reasons I will always love my father is that he stayed with that hamster while the vet put him to sleep, holding his paw, so to speak, because he 'wanted him to feel someone was there'.

Your DP may come round eventually, OP, like my family did. But he may have a horror of small rodents and actually has gone as far as he can in accepting one into the house at all.

I would not want a hamster or any rodent type animal in my house. If I had one it would have an elaborate system so it could get exercise that way, and be confined to one room if let out.
I have dogs who have the run of the house, cats did too when we had them. Our rabbits live outside in a hutch with very large run and never come inside.

@steppemum He is jewish and grew up orthodox jewish. Many orthodox jews have huge families and no pets as there isn't enough money. So he didn't have friends with pets the way I did. It extends to all animals. We have a older family friend who has a lot of dogs and cats and they are always in the kitchen/dining room and he hates eating at her home.

I am the opposite, i like small furries as I was much more exposed to them growing up (nursery had a resident hamster). I don't really like the idea of free roaming animals in my home unless it was very well trained and I don't think you can guarantee that as cats and dogs can grow old and become incontinent.

@Scarby9 He would hate a dog and cat even more! The dog would not be allowed in the kitchen, lounge, bathroom and bedroom. Poor dog would have a life confined to 1 room!

To be honest I agree with him - some people just really aren't into small rodents. Plus I had hamsters when I was a child and the cage/bedding/wee etc do actually have a distinctive smell which isn't for everyone.

Respect his wishes and keep it to the spare room unless he's out

@ivfbeenbusy it extends to all animals. Which is why i got a hamster in the first place as it lives in a designated place, rather than wanders around.

@ivfbeenbusy and he finds dogs smelly while he finds the hamster doesn't smell. He hates dogs. He objects to them being in cafes and supermarkets and the Tube.

He's clearly just not an animal person then, and I think you should be grateful for your private time in the second bedroom with your little furry friend!
Your DH's house space has just shrunk by one room for him as presumably that room is now a no-go area for him, is it?

@Scarby9 not really he comes in to look at the hamster. Sometimes on the weekends when I sleep in, he goes to the second bedroom (where the hamster lives) and lies on the bed watching netflix in the morning. Somehow that is ok.

Why did you get a pet if your Dh doesn't like them? I love dogs but wouldn't get one because dp doesn't, he likes cats but knows I do not!

@movingonup20 erm he agreed to it! :) I am responsible for all its care. Dogs and cats are more of a family pet, i think. you can't really control where they go.

@movingonup20 and he does say its a beautiful hamster but he only likes it in its cage/playpen and in its designated room. He has never had a pet so i am trying to determine if its just cos its new to him. Like you know the people who say that dog is only allowed in XXXX area of the house but then eventually they give up and the dog ends up sleeping on the bed.

If he spends time in the room with the hamster, I see a chink in his armour. Maybe there is hope for a thawing towards what must be the best pet available.

You'll find out over the next few weeks!

It's good that you are able to spend time with it while you work, amd that you chose a 'starter' pet. Over time if the rules relax then great. If not, you'll be better informed for future decisions.

I'm a total pet person, so may be being totally unreasonable. How is he about the messiness and unpredictability of children? I'd want to know!

@picklemewalnuts He isn't a huge children person. I am the person who loves children and animals (but in smaller doses, hence the hamster and the username!). He does say he would love his own though!

Sadly loving them doesn't preclude behaving badly toward them and your partner because the stress of the chaos they bring with them stresses you.

You could well find yourself bringing up a D.C. while attempting to minimise their impact on your DP. And that's bloody hard work. And not an unusual dynamic. You'll be forever apologising for having wanted to add D.C. to the mix.

@picklemewalnuts Agreed! He had 3 small sisters and was the eldest, but weirdly has never changed a diaper in his life. He is much more domesticated than me, does all the cooking and washing up and also cleans. At least if i do the childcare, he can do the housework so its not like those men who sit and watch the football while the Mum does EVERYTHING.

I was the eldest of 4 grandchildren and was raised by my grandma who looked after all her grandchildren (while the parents were at work) so had my share of changing diapers for my little cousins 8 and 12 years younger than me. One turned out to have special needs.