Putting my dog to sleep

[Jakey056]

I hope someone can offer advice.
We have three dogs - all from a rescue. A female lurcher aged 7, a German Shepherd aged 8 and a male lurcher aged 15.
We live in the country so dogs have a happy life lounging around and being out with us when we are in the yard with our horses etc. Two kids (10,13) love dogs.

For about a year the lurcher male has been going downhill - he has got very thin, his back is sore, finds it hard to lie down and get up (struggles as his hips are sore I'd say). The worst part is that he has lost his ability to poo outside - forgets and poo's inside, randomly, in his bed, on the floor ( even after being brought out) He cannot remember. It happens 3-5 times a day. I am starting to resent him.
He is also deaf so you cannot shout at him to alert him when he starts. He will also urinate randomly but less often than poo.

My friend is a vet and has said that his incontinence will not improve is is nerve damage related and age. She tried him on an arthritis drug to see if it would help with activity but no real difference. She is very straight up - 'lots of people would have put him to sleep by now/ would not tolerate the mess' and 'We are perfectly entitled to put him to sleep, he is not in a lot of pain but is low grade' I've avoided it to this stage because he goes out for short walks, sleeps a lot and hangs about. Now though I'm really thinking I should just have him put to sleep. Neither myself or my wife like constantly cleaning, washing beds, mopping floors a few times a day. If he is in the living room he can be lying in front of TV and just poo whilst asleep. Its awful and I think I've had enough.

Can anyone offer perspective? What would you do?

I thought he would have deteriorated by now to the point where we had to put him to sleep but it has not happened.

It doesn't sound as though his quality of life is great. Does he still get enjoyment out of things? I am a vet and think it doesn't sound unreasonable to consider putting him to sleep at this stage.

Thanks LittleCabbage. I'm normally a very pragmatic person but this has me stuck.
His day involves being let out from our utility room - he wanders out, he seems very 'slow' mentally, he will go out, do a wee, maybe poo then come back in. He will them stand staring into space. Eventually will lie down ( I appreciate it is very sore for him perhaps to do so but sometimes I think he has dementia and does not 'think' to lie down. He will then sleep for most of the day, be let out as normal. Throughout the day he will poo a few times even after being let out.
a walk is fine but he will wander and stop and stare, I guess his hearing and sight are affected due to age. He wont want to go far and will go back into the house. He might do 200 - 300 metres and stop and thats it - wants to go in.
Its hard to just decide to drive to the vet and have it done but I don't think he has any fun and it is no fun for me as I clean all the time. I do think we have a responsibility to put our pets to sleep when its not pleasant for them anymore. Is now the time?

During the day he will often whine a lot - not in pain - just in an absent minded way. Its very difficult.

If my quality of life deteriorated I wouldn't want to be here anymore. The fact that it is a dog and he doesnt know why it's happening and why he is in pain just increases the fact for me that it is time to be pts. It is hard but he can't have much fun being in pain and pooing himself. Its ultimately your decision but I'd know what I would do.

I wish humans could have the same dignified deaths we are allowed to give our pets.

It's awful to see our pets go downhill like this. He is a good age at 15 and it sounds like he's had a good life.
I think I would hang on if he didn't seem like he was in much pain or if he was still getting enjoyment out of life. The mess must be difficult but he's not going to be here forever and if it were me I'd maybe look back and feel bad that I made the decision to put him down because I didn't want to clean up anymore. On the other hand if he just seems miserable or 'blank' there is no point.
I wish you well, it's a horrible decision to have to make

Thank you Daisychain & LST. Both good thoughts there. Part of me does not want to feel I am 'doing it for me'. I don;t want regrets but my quality of life matters too and he cannot tell me how he is feeling. Is he in pain? My vet says maybe low grade but is still walking, eating & drinking. I wish he was sicker so my decision is easier but life is not easy! He is blank a lot. I wonder how nice that is for him?

If it were me I'd want euthanasia.

It's not a black and white decision is it? But it doesn't sound as though his QOL is good as such. It sounds as though he is existing rather than living?

Only you can decide of course, but if there is pain involved, I would be leaning towards euthanasia. I always say that it is better to do it a few weeks "too early" than a few weeks too late, in terms of how much they are suffering.

I echo @littlecabbage with the a little too early than a little too late. I am in pain a lot with a disability and I still walk and get up. Doesn't mean I aren't in pain. At least I know why. A dog doesnt have that luxury. I feel for you OP. It's a horrible time x

At the end of the day pet owners need to do what is right by their pets and you know your dogs better than anyone. I'm sure you love your animals and it sounds like they have a lovely life so I have no doubt that whatever decision you make will be the right one for him.
It's so sad though isn't it, I'll never forget making that decision about my girl, heartbreaking.

I think he is existing with low grade pain. I don't think it is fun. Its not going to get better probably worse. The few weeks too early is the bi though. I feel selfish. The poo cleaning is hard but he has been a member of our family since 6 months old. Maybe he should be allowed to be 'old' but I wonder about the pain and the non enjoyment of life. He does not really wag his tail or anything any more. Very rarely on a short walk he will wag his tail and try to run but thats rare.

Its the 'is he in pain' question though. The quality of life is secondary to that - for us and him. If I knew he was in pain I'd PTS immediately. My vet said he would not be eating if in pain but I don't know. I think he is worn out.

The no tail wagging would be The Sign to me. I had my ddog pts in Feb. She still had 100 %zest for life. And I loved her 100 %.. She sadly had a suspected brain tumour causing aggressive episodes. The guilt was enormous - but if that 100 %love had started to become resentment I would have felt more guilt having her pts..
Your ddog sounds like he has no zest for life.

Imo.

It's the lack of dignity would swing it fit me. A dog toileting inside can't be happy, they are clean creatures. The blankness too would be a contributing factor, the poor soul doesn't know what he's doing.
Deciding to let your pet go is the hardest decision, but let him go with what little dignity he has left.
Before he gets worse and suffers more.
I'm so sorry.

The trouble is it's probably impossible to get this right. You're never going to be able to time putting to sleep so you just hit that spot where his pain/confusion/discomfort starts to outweigh any pleasure he has in life.

It's difficult to look at this objectively, because living with pets we see a gradual decline so don't necessarily appreciate how bad things have got.

I also find - and I mean no disrespect to your friend - that vets tend to offer hope where really there is none.

I had my almost 13 year old Labrador out to sleep last year. She was suffering with arthritis, had difficulty walking, was deaf etc. But she enjoyed her food and a good sniff around on short walks. She began to get very breathless and eventually was diagnosed with cancer. But not until after several visits to a vet hospital and lots of offers of potential treatment to prolong her life.

The penny finally dropped with me that she'd reached the end and I was doing her no kindness by keeping her going. I used to say to my dh that every morning when I got up I'd look at her to see if she was breathing or if she'd died through the night. And, if I'm honest, every morning I hoped it was the latter. Because I did NOT want to have to decide what to do.

Anyway, things did come to a head and we had her put to sleep. Afterwards I felt a huge sense of relief and knew it had absolutely been the right decision for her. But also that it was one I should have made earlier.

Fifteen is an exceptionally good innings for any dog. It really does sound like it's time

Thank you all. Its very difficult. I don't want him to suffer and dont want to feel I'm doing it to suit me. He will not get better though and the gentle soul he was is now gone. Its the blankness and staring t hat gets me most. I can silently clean up mess but I look at him staring into space and its hard.

This is such a sad, sad thread.

Medievalist thank you. That was so sweet. My friend is well meaning but I think her level of comfort with whats OK and mine are different. I think life for him is one big blank page with no excitement. The other dogs are all on for fun and he has none.

I'm also so happy he had a great life with us. He was in a state when we got him and he spent all his life in the country, walking around, chasing swallows and being a fun guy ( he had his super irritating points too!) I'll never get the timing right. He will have to go at some point.

I really feel for you. I'm in a similar position with my 18 year old Springer.
She's completely incontinent so spends most of her days in the garden.
She has a little den in the garage so she can nap in the daytime.

I've decided we're going to have a good summer with her, lots of treats and 2 holidays to Cornwall to stay with her Son and when the weather starts to get colder and we're not spending enough time outside with her. That will be the time.

I'm wishing she will pass peacefully in her sleep.

I have had to put to sleep two old girls (a 15 year old greyhound an a 12 year old collie) in the past.

I now have 3 old boys and I know that sooner rather than later I am going to have to do the same. In my mind it is the major responsibility that comes with owning an animal.

It is often said that it is better to be a week too early than a day too late. In both my old girl's cases I was that day too late and I kick myself for it. I will try hard not to be the same with my boys.

Do it for him. Let him go.

Three things have struck me from the updates:

I don't think dignity is an issue for animals - that is anthropomorphising really. If he is unaware he is defaecating in the house, I doubt he cares.

The important things to consider are the likely presence of pain, and quality of life. Dogs generally enjoy being outside, running around, exploring, receiving affection from their owners, and interacting with other dogs (not all dogs enjoy this, I know!)

Which of these did he used to enjoy, and which does he still appear to enjoy? Eating IMO is not necessarily an indicator of either lack of pain, or of enjoying life.

Finally, we all wish that our animals will die in their sleep when the time is right, but this is incredibly rare without them suffering to some extent first. Usually, we have to bravely make a decision to spare them from suffering.

@LittleCabbage I know they rarely go peacefully in there sleep.
I just wish they could. I think most people would prefer to go that way too.

I'm not looking forward to the big decision coming up soon. But when she isn't enjoying life as part of the family it will be time.

[quote Lottieskeeper]@LittleCabbage I know they rarely go peacefully in there sleep.
I just wish they could. I think most people would prefer to go that way too.

I'm not looking forward to the big decision coming up soon. But when she isn't enjoying life as part of the family it will be time.[/quote]
Sorry, didn't mean to appear to suggest that you personally think this is likely. You sound very sensible.

I'm just remarking on comments from owners throughout my years of practice.

I know I’m late coming to this thread and won’t receive any answers but I am also going through this with my little 17 year old dog. He is still eating and drinking a bit (but not enough), occasionally relieving himself indoors but usually not, has no breathing issues, can’t walk properly but he’s so small I can just carry him, is still really affectionate (more than before in fact) but he has had four bouts of gastro problems this year and each one leaves him weaker. I already brought him back from the brink end June/beginning July by syringe feeding him liquid food but the vet says it’s time and we are due to do this today or tomorrow (I have to ring the vet this morning). However, he seemed to have pick up a bit yesterday and I’m now questioning my decision. The vet says we will regret leaving it until he is struggling and it becomes an emergency and I know this is true. I just don’t know that I’m ready to let him go - he is such a huge part of my life, especially these days. I feel guilty for keeping him with me and guilty for letting him go.

Hello
I'm happy to answer your query. I was the original poster.
Firstly I'd like to thank everyone for the kindness & advice when I posted. I took the decision over a week ago to have Winkie put to sleep. It was very sad, it was very hard. I took him for a long and slow walk, we remembered everywhere he ran as a puppy. I remembered where he used to run after swallows and rabbits, where he used to get stuck in the gate. Where he used to amble with me for over 15 years. I watched him that day, he was a little lost, old, creaky, maybe in pain. He knew I was there and we climbed the hill to our house. It was his last walk. I said sorry, for not walking him enough, for the times I shouted in frustration. He had the sun on his back. The vet came and we slowly lowered him to the floor, I gave him pieces of chicken and told him he was OK. I was there when he fell asleep in my arms. His gentle soul was gone. It only took about 20 seconds. Then peace. I realised what a gift I had given him- a beautiful safe home, a bed of his own, a life that was warm. My kids grew up with him. He learned to like our horses, not run after chickens. In summer he would lie under the cherry tree. He gave me gifts too. I learned about getting old. making hard choices, I learned that I'm older now, creakier and my kids are older. Life goes on. I buried Winkie under the beech trees where he used to wander. He is at peace now and there is a little gap in our lives that cannot be filled by the other two dogs. This will pass.

So why have I said this dear poster (Longtime)? Because I think you need a handhold to do the kindest thing. Of course you will question yourself, you will feel guilty and this is natural. But don't let your emotions sway you from responsibility. Its our job to help our animals away when it is time. We cannot avoid it, we must do it with good heart, we must be sad, we must remember the times they spent with us, the love they shared, the difficulties they saw us go through as we lived with them. Each dog takes a little piece of your heart, but we have plenty to give and that is a great gift. Some day you may help another dog live a wonderful life.
I wish you all the best as you do this. Please post here if you need any support. Sometimes the kindest things are the hardest things. Don't be afraid. In this life of Covid nonsense and political madness smile and be kind. All the sadness will pass. Don't let it get get to the point where there is suffering. XXX

I’m so sorry for not replying to your sad but lovely post. It was kind of you to take the time to write such a lot to support me, especially at a difficult time for yourself. I have to honest and say I forgot about writing it. Later that morning my little dog woke up quite sprightly, looking for food and water and although I can’t say he was very active, he was certainly a lot more active than he had been. Having really decided that that was going to be the day, it was like he was saying “no, not yet, I’m not ready”.

He continued to improve over the following days and he is still here with us five and a half weeks later. I haven’t left him alone as two of my children are currently home so I’m dreading the first time I have to do that but really he seems to be doing ok. He is old of course and I know can go downhill at any time but for now he is still with us and for that I’m really grateful.

So thank you again Jakey056. I will bookmark your post for when the time comes. I know it will help me to make the right decision. I hope you’re doing ok.