Dog making me feel anxious and depressed

[Hannahlouise4026]

Hi.
We got a dog a couple of years ago, we’ve all always wanted one for years but we previously lived in a flat and it just wasn’t the right time. We moved in to a house with a garden a few years back and got our puppy 2 years ago.
I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. Even as a child I was an anxious child who dreaded school. I didn’t expect having a dog would make these feelings worse but they have. I’m a mother of 3 and my husband works long hours so isn’t at home much. Our dog barks constantly, especially in the garden. She then refuses to come inside. She’s terrible on lead and pulls the whole time, it’s hard for me to walk her alone with the kids (one is a baby so In a pram)
She never sits in her bed and constantly follows us around all day, she chews the kids toys. Its like she’s always on alert. I honestly feel so depressed and it’s almost like the dog is heightening my feelings of uselessness - like I can’t even be a good dog owner. My children are fairly hard work so I already feel like I’m failing at motherhood. Some nights I feel like running away.
I’ve spoken to my husband about re homing but he refuses. I just don’t know what to do as feel I can’t go on much longer like this. I know it’s my fault for agreeing to getting a dog, after we’d wanted one for so long.

Dear Hannah, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I think you should contact the Dogs Trust or the RSPCA and ask if they will re-home the dog. I expect the problems you are dealing with could be sorted but it would take quite a lot of training / time and sounds like it's too much for you just now. I am sure she will find a good home and will be well looked after by the Dogs Trust or the RSPCA in the meantime. They are such experts and will know the help she needs. I am devoted to my lovely dog but know that dogs can be a major handful. I sincerely think re-homing might be kindest for all involved. Keep well and stay safe. Best wishes.

Me again - Advice from the RSPCA

"Many organisations can help rehome an unwanted dog. All have different procedures; research carefully before giving them an unwanted dog. Below are some charities that may help:

www.battersea.org.uk
www.adch.org.uk
www.bluecross.org.uk "

And from the DOGS TRUST website

Giving up your dog
Life rarely goes according to plan. Sometimes we need to make tough decisions which can be difficult at the time but turn out for the best in the long run. If you are thinking of giving up your dog for adoption, then please call us on 0300 303 2188 or contact us. Our staff are there to help, and will direct you to your nearest Dogs Trust rehoming centre, and they’ll advise you from there.

How to give up your dog

Step 1 – Call us on 0300 303 2188 or contact us. We know that life has twists and turns along the way and that no one sets out getting a dog thinking they will have to give it up. Our fully-trained staff understand what a difficult call this could be. They’ll listen and will give you all the advice you need to make the right decision for your dog. We are only interested in doing what’s right for your dog, so there’s no need to feel awkward or embarrassed. We’ll be in touch within 72 hours to arrange an appointment, for a pre-intake assessment at your local centre. This normally happens within a few days but could be as soon as the next day.

For some people, we are able to give advice on managing the issue that has led to the dog needing a new home and this can change the situation for them. Whatever your worry; please don’t hesitate to give us a call.

Step 2 – Once you’ve booked an appointment, visit your nearest rehoming centre. Bring your dog, together with any veterinary records you have, including vaccination certificates, and microchip details. If they have a favourite toy or blanket, please bring that too so they can feel right at home. This is just the pre-intake assessment and usually we wouldn’t take your dog at this point, though that could be an option.

If we don’t have a space free immediately, then we will ask you to wait until one becomes available. We’ll try our very best to help you and your dog but this may take a few weeks and we thank you for being patient with us. Our care is second-to-none so we promise it’ll be worth the wait.

Hello there, sorry I don't have much advice to offer apart from have you tried putting your baby in a sling while you go for a walk? I always put my youngest in a sling for dog walks as it meant I could go to places I never could with a buggy, and she loved being in there. I bought one for about £12 off ebay and it was surprisingly comfortable and good quality. I always found walking the dog with a buggy to be a nightmare! If your dog is tired out she will be much easier to handle x

You’ve got another thread the same but not responded to any of the suggestions.

Each of these issues can be solved but it’s whether you want to put the effort in.
She sounds like a classic understimulated dog which is no surprise considering you are a mum of 3 and your husband works.

Firstly which breed is she and how old?

How often do you walk her? She needs 2 walks every day. Your husband should be doing one of these, either before or after work.

Buy some puzzles feeder- a simple ‘slow feeder’ bowl will work, or kongs or lickimats. Use these for her meals to get her brain working and distract her for a while- especially during your own meal time.
Slow feeders are good- you can pour a bit of weak broth, stock or gravy in the bottom, scatter her dry biscuit on top and freeze to make it last longer.

If she’s pulling on a walk, then try a gentle leader/halti. Walk with her (by the side of the pram if you necessary) and every time she pulls, stop dead. Only start walking again once the lead is loose.
Perhaps think about getting a waist belt so you can walk her hands free if you have the children.

Why is she barking- because she can see/hear external stimuli?- block the stimuli- don’t let her see out the window for example.
Or because she is left out there and wants attention?
Keep her on a lead in the garden, and if she barks, grab the lead and bring her in.

Sitting in bed- why do you want her in the bed? You can teach a ‘settle’ or ‘in your bed’ command by leading her to her bed and giving her a treat. Keep taking her back to her bed and asking her to lie down.

Dogs do follow you around, they want to be near you.

If she’s getting enough exercise she should settle down easier.

Chewing the toys- ideally you would remove anything you don’t want her to chew but that is hard with children. Have a supply or chews and tug toys and replace what ever she is chewing with those. Always replace the toy with something, don’t just take it away.

@Wolfiefan Oh I hate it when you put effort into a reply and hear that

Blue Cross do a home-from-home rejoining service, where your dog doesn’t have to go into a centre. It may be that the dog is just growing OUT of the worst stage and will become easier..? Could you and your Dh do some work on training her to walk better/basic training and hope that she starts to settle down into adulthood from teen horror..?

I don't think you should rehome the dog at this stage. I think you will feel guilty and use it as a stick to beat yourself with.

Your dog is anxious, she is picking up.on your anxiety, this makes you anxious and so the cycle continues.

I would consult a vet and then a behaviourist. Google DAP/adaptyl products. Dap stands for dog appeasing pheromones, they come as a collar a spray or plug in. They will help her feel more secure.

Do the children give the dog space at home? Does she have somewhere to go that she will be left in peace?

Think about occupying her mind, provide her with chew toys and puzzle toys - a long filled with chappie will keep her occupied for a good while.

The pulling can be tackled with training which may be difficult at the present time but this is something your dh needs to help with.

I assume she is neutered.

I know how stressfull a barking dog is, my jrt has developed separation anxiety in his old age, related to a neurological issue I think and barks constantly if either myself or my DP go out. It stresses me out so much because i know he must be pissing the neighbours off. So i get stressed - I can shout till the cows come home cos he's going deaf. It's draining.

I also have anxiety and know my anxiety has affected my dog.

Please do what you can to keep her. For your sake, i kniw how anxiety works and you won't forgive yourself. If you have tried x y and z you know you have done what you can.

Also rehoming now is going to be almost impossible due to lockdown

I would put some strategies in place and give it a time frame. 3 months? So you know there will be a solution.

it's not easy

You’re right - I posted this question in the mental health section as I thought I’d get more advice there. I posted it about an hour ago.

And you have got replies but you haven’t responded to a single one.

Yes, I literally just checked that thread just now. I posted it on both threads in the last 2/3 hours. I’ve just not had a chance to properly reply to them. Thanks for your input

You'd be better off moving one of your threads into the doghouse.

If you want more specific advice please give us some history - breed, where acquired from, sex, neuter status, training done, daily routine, exercise etc..

But otherwise, Your dog sounds very anxious. I'd recommend seeking behavioural advice

She’s still a young dog, my dog used to be like this and still is in some respects, but she’s calmed down a lot since she turned 3. She will now sit by herself on the carpet and sleep instead of just following us around all day, she will still bark if she hears people in the garden and it takes her by surprise, but it’s very hard to stop barking as it’s natural behaviour, so I don’t want to give you false hope, we just bring her in when she starts. She pulls on a shorter lead, but if we use a longer retractable one she rarely pulls on that at all, you can also train her to walk to heel.

I don’t think you should rehome her because none of this is serious enough to justify it imo (I think rehoming should be an absolute last resort) I think with some training, time and maybe readjusting your expectations of her, you will feel a lot better. I have anxiety and sometimes things feel overwhelming, so I get what you’re feeling, but don’t give up on her yet.

Hi. I have depression anxiety and autism. We had two puppies and a 2 and a 4 year old and my husband worked away.

I take full responsibility and say it was all my fault how they were. They barked non stop. Fought with each other. Did their business inside. Ran off. I felt so bad for them as I knew this was I life for them. Looking back I can't believe I did it but I phoned a rescue that specialise in the breed and they took them. I bought food and toys and gave a donation. I didn't want to sell them.

My kids are now nearly 8 and 10 and I do feel guilty but I was losing my mind.

At the time DH said if the dogs go he would.

I know you feel awful but you have to think of yourself.