Very timid cat- help please!

[NMRJC20]

Hi there,

I could really use some cat advice. We took on a kitten that our neighbour abandoned. He moved and left the kittens his cat had had outside our flat block. Potentially we should have looked into ownership more in more detail but as both of us have had (happy!) cats previously growing up we thought we were prepared.

Our cat is incredibly shy and timid to the point I really am concerned for his wellbeing. We have had him for 14 months now since he was around 4 months old. He spends a long time each day under the sofa which I really fear is unhealthy.

We have toys which we encourage him to play with in short bouts (his interest varies but generally is low). Toys include things on string for him to chase and stalk, moving toys such as a remote control mouse for him to chase and a butterfly that flies around on a wire for him to bat at (he does like this one!) as well as cat nip toys and balls etc. He also has scratching posts, a cat tree for him to climb (he loved this as a kitten!) etc. so he has things to keep him entertained I hope.

We have diffusers that release pheromones to encourage him to relax (we also tried the wipes but this was a catastrophe and sent him fleeing!) He is happy to cuddle in the evening with me only for short periods of time- not my partner. He will not be picked up. He hisses and runs under the sofa from anyone who visits. We have people visit regularly and hoped he would get used to this, but sadly this is not the case. When he is under the sofa I talk to him and use his name so hopefully he knows that he is safe. I do not try to forcefully get him out from under the sofa as I think this would be damaging as I don’t want to ruin the idea that it’s a safe space as he clearly needs to feel safe. I will lie on the floor and put my hand under the sofa and he will sometimes smell my hand and come out on his own accord that way.

He will not go outside under any circumstances though enjoys sitting on the windowsill sometimes.

I guess the point of this post is to ask; how can I make him more resilient? He is so scared all the time and it’s heartbreaking to see. We have treats a plenty to reward him when he visits with us. We are incredibly gentle with him and we let him come to us as much as we can so he builds confidence, but 14 months on he just isn’t improving. If we are out we leave on music so he has some level of noise (we keep it low so it’s not scary!) but so he doesn’t feel alone.

Any advice please help, we need it. If we are missing something obvious please tell us; I want to ensure he is happy and ok! (PS we have him on a pet plan and so he has check ups every 3 months for his health- nothing wrong physically. Also he eats very well and uses his litter tray perfectly. He has wet once in the bedroom but that was once in the 14 months we’ve had him and was after we redecorated the room so I think he may have wanted his scent in there).

Thanks in advance! Really feeling desperate!

If it were me I'd back off and leave him to it, does he have a nice place to hide away that has a roof and 3 sides so he can feel secure?
If he's hiding under the sofa then leave him there, he'll come out when he feels safe, you have to do everything at his pace, one of my cats loves to be held and will actually climb up your legs so she can sit on your shoulder! The other is more like yours and keeps her distance. She'll let you stroke her when she wants it but that's as good as it gets. She'll never be a lap cat but that's just the way she is.
Have you joined any cat groups on Facebook? There's some really good advice to get from those.

My timid cat is the same with visitors. We don't get many so I am not sure if this will ever improve.

If this helps - I have gradually got him to accept being picked up. I did this by moving him onto my lap when I was sitting next to him on the floor - for ages he would wriggle away immediately, but I gradually got him to stay for a couple of seconds, stroking him and talking to him quietly, and did this every day as the time increased. I then moved on to picking him up and did the same thing.

It sounds as though you are doing all the right things. Sadly, I think a bad start can't always be fully overcome and the cat will remain nervous and jumpy in some situations, but given time you can make gradual improvements and get him to accept things which are familiar.

I didn’t even think of Facebook, that’s great thank you so much! I’ll look on there immediately.

Yes I think leaving him to it may be for the best, children have very different temperaments and so must cats I guess. I just want him to feel safe and peaceful. He has a little igloo which I know he loves. He does sleep a fair bit in there, particularly when the sun is shining as it’s situated just by the window and he can have the warmth on him. I will look to the Facebook groups now, thank you!

Good luck!

I would leave him alone when hes under the sofa. He might just want to be completely left alone. So visitors.try.and.stroke him.or just ignore.him.and give him space. If you have face to face contact try a slow blink then look away which tells them you are not a threat. Would he let you take a photo?

Dont lie on the floor. Just sit on the sofa with a few dreamies on your lap and a cuddly.blanket.

Our cat has always been quite timid, she is also scared of the garden.

I think he probably wants more quiet and maybe to be just with you and no-one else. He may feel better having a safe space that just he goes into until he gets more secure, my cat sleeps on my bed or in our upstairs boiler room. Mine loves a cardboard box and also can be lured out with favourite food - tuna with the spring water left in. I maybe would try no music - mine gets jittery with some music though is partial to gentle love songs like Hello by Lionel Richie

I hope he makes some progress bless him, he’s a beautiful, sweet little thing, he deserves to feel safe and loved. We will keep on going!

My older cat is like this, he spent weeks under a magazine rack when we brought him home and he took a whole year to jump on my lap.

He's now 13, still hates visitors and outside but is massively affectionate and happy at home.

I think you can just leave him be and let him live on his own terms, oh and put a couple of dreamies in your hand when you reach under the sofa.

I’ll try no music, thank you! I leave it on music for sleep but it may be having an adverse affect you’re absolutely right! We always leave him for an hour under the sofa before I put my hand under but I’ll definitely try just leaving him to it, I don’t want to do anything that could be having a negative affect. Thank you for all your help! It’s really appreciated!

Hi, if you find anything that works please can you share it! We have had one of our cats for ten years (RSPCA rescue cats) and she is still terrified. She has got a thing about men and won’t even look at them. She over grooms to the point where the vets tried everything they could give her. I don’t think she (or yours) is unhappy because they are still living with us. We’ve tried everything we can think of! We have another three cats (one is her twin sister) who are happy and she has a brother who is timid (not as timid as this poor cat). We think it’s related to the abuse they suffered before they were taken away. But if you find anything that works please let’s menknow.

www.zooplus.co.uk/shop/dogs/dog_grooming_care/zylkene/620300
this stuff worked so much better than the plug ins for my little anxiety kitty. Doesn't make him sleepy or zonked out, his eyes aren't in near constant fear/play mode. He comes up for the cuddles he always wanted but was too worried to get close.
You can open the pills and sprinkle on food or dissolve it in water. They don't seem to mind the taste. It's made from a milk extract but doesn't cause tummy problems.