What's the most embarrassing thing your dog has ever done?

[SixKindsOfCrisis]

Here's a fairly standard episode from My Life With Dogs:
My last dog was a foodie. One Sunday morning he broke into someone's garden to steal food they'd put out for the birds. He cruised around eating crumbs and I had to break in too, to retrieve him.
Owners were eating breakfast behind their French windows and saw everything, but considerately pretended to be so engrossed in The Observer that they hadn't noticed me.

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my dog when about 4 months old decided to pull his bed out into the middle of the road, middle of the telly and start humping it - I wouldn't have minded but we were watching terminator 3, the room was dark and we had friends over to watch it! I could have died with shame. lol.

sorry middle of the room *

My mum and I took her dog for a walk on a field near our old house (this was about 8 years ago). He was off his lead, as usually well-behaved...not today. He saw a cat, and proceeded to chase said cat into its back garden, under a hole in their gate. The gate was locked from the outside, which meant that my mum and I had to stand there shouting for him as he ran through their patio doors and chased their poor cat round their living room

My mum resorted to shouting "biscuit! Biscuit!" over the gate in a desperate effort to win the dog's attention, but sadly the cat was wore tempting...eventually the woman who lived there came out and opened the gate, my mum apologised copiously as she ran after the dog trying to grab him and get his lead back on while I died of shame in the garden.

He was never allowed off his lead in the field again after that little incident!

(Oh and he broke my sister's arm once when she was walking him, by pulling her over. This would be more dramatic if he was a German Shepherd or something, but he's a daschund!)

This thread is really funny, I'v been sat here giggling

I had an incident when bf DS at a friends house and had taken dogs which I NEVER do but she had insisted. My dalmatian jumped over her fence, or rather climbed up her compost heap and neatly got into her neighbours garden. Then proceeded to 'worry' the guinea pig who was in a run but not sure how secure. Neighbours kid was playing with friends kids and said Mummy was out. Yelling at him didn't work - he is a dalmatian, was hardly going to climb back where I wanted him. So threw ds at friend, couldn't get huge leaky norks back in bra quick enough so gave up. Climbed up compost heap, got in garden, by now dog was in fish pond. Ran hell for leather down garden screaming at him only to see 'Mummy' had come home and was standing at her patio looking at this mad woman flying towards her and a dog in her pond. I grabbed dog, tried to explain, didn't make sense, had forgotten about sagging leaky norks by then as well. She just very calmly looked at her older DD who was with her and said 'Hattie, could you open the gate for this lady'. I dragged dog out back to friends house who was pissing her self laughing Why don't I ever learn - dogs ALWAYS win

Same dog has also pissed all over an electric wheelchair as very nice old lady was admiring him. Eaten someones kebab as they sat on the park bench (well they did go to stroke him at the same time so what do you expect). Stolen a kids coat that was being used as a goalpost and proceeded to run round park shaking it madly in the mud. The parents owned the local chinese takeaway, never went there again. Slipped his coller on a crowded beach then gone on a rampage, pissed on sunbathers, ran through sand castles then finally stole a barbie doll and took it into the sea killing it as he went - felt awful about that one but luckily parents saw the funny side and once I had washed barbie off in the sea she was OK. Could go on for ever. Sadly he had to be put to sleep a few weeks ago, he was almost 12 and had cancer. We miss him terribly and life will be dull without him.

I used to walk the landlord's dog when I worked in a pub, and we used to go along the canal bank for miles. The dog was a typical greedy labrador, and would eat anything he came across. Many times I had to apologise to fishermen as the bloody dog had his head in their maggot bins. Worst time was when the dog was a fair way ahead of me, and when I caught up with him he had eaten most of the fisherman's lunch, and had the last sandwich in his mouth - there was an almighty struggle to rescue this last sandwich but when I got it out the sandwich had a perfect bite mark-shape out of it. Was so embarrassed, but at least I could say that the dog belonged to XXX pib and would he like to come in their for lunch when convenient?

When I got my own dogss, rest assured they are never out of sight and off the lead!

We always had huskys when I was a kid. Fairly terrifying to those who don't know them. he'd leapt the fences and escaped off one day & we were in pursuit. He saw us coming and sauntered over to a terrified looking old dear with a little, little dog. She picked up said rat-dog to protect it. Dog looked up at dog, sat down by lady's feet. Looked up again. Stood up, & leiurely urinated all over lady's woolen tights.

We were sooo tempted just to turn around & run away pretending it was Someone Elses Dog.

So I decided to take my dog with me when visiting Pets At Home. So chuffed I was to be in the only store I know in this country were dogs are allowed and even welcomed....

So, he takes a run up to the rabbit hutch (that was full of rabbits) and wees in the corner... before proceeding to have a poo in the middle of the aisle. Stupid dog! I was mortified!

Oh... and just after that, I went to pick up DH from a coworker's house, who, unwisely, insisted in us to come in regardless of my pleas of having a dog with me. Oh but he's a member of the family, he said, just before my dog made himself more comfortable than he dared at home by weeing his sofa!

And finally, during a holiday, some friends offered to take care of him, I reluctantly accepted not without telling them repeatedly that the key of his good behaviour was not to treat him as a baby and never to allow him on beds. One week later I come to pick him up, friend swears to me he is her new baby. Shit!, I thought, and asked if he had behaved badly. Friend swears he hasn't, goes out of the room to pick up the phone, and her 6 year old says "Mummy and daddy have been sleeping in our room because the puppy bites them if they get near to their bed" . 5 years on I can not understand yet how a yorkie overpowered 2 adults!

oh... and how could I forget... I opened the front door to receive a parcel and after that couldn't find my dog. A minute later an ambulance driver (who had come to collect my neighboour) knock at the door asking if I have a yorkie. Yes, I said in terror wondering if he had just been run over... until he says, could you please get it? he is laying down inside of the ambulance!

I've never owned a dog.

Reading this thread I am PMSL and thanking my lucky stars I've not had to go through some of the things your dogs have put you through (particularly pulling things out of their arses )

Hilarious

Here's one I forgot about (don't know why, I though it was funny at the time )

Dh's computer geek friend came to stay (the guy who talks like Data from Startrek). The dog didn't think much of him either, and promptly peed all over his bag, that he had left on the lounge floor...

Not embarrassing, but still very raw, so I thought I'd post anyway.

Last week we had the rat man round and he laid bait. On Thursday, I was in the garden having a fag (I know, I know) when our springer spaniel came running to the back door with a 'look what I've found!' expression on his face and in his mouth was a bloody rat.

Now given that he's brought a bloomin' hedgehog into the kitchen before I screamed my head off, slammed the kitchen door and continued screaming. Luckily he then dropped the rat (two feet away from our back door), I opened it up, let him in and shut him in the bathroom.

Cue call to neighbour, screaming and trying to explain the situation. Thank GOD he was in. It was soooooo horrible to see - this dying rat opening and closing its mouth and eyes.

Pets? Who'd 'ave em!

Oh I love threads like these. I have two dogs, a female Lab and a male Golden Retriever. My male dog is always humping the female one, and he does it to other dogs we meet too. He has a particular fondness for male black labs It was emarassing the other day though as he leapt on the back of a lab with such gusto that he hurt it and the poor thing limped all the way home. He has been done.

When I was a kid we had a Cocker Spaniel that was a complete headcase. We once took him to the beach and there was a family having a picnic on the sand. Our Spaniel ran up to them, grabbed their cooked chicken and legged it far enough down the beach where he could it it without it being taken off him!! Luckily the family saw the funny side. My parents were running a guest house when we had that dog, and he would cause all sorts of mayhem. He'd dart at great speed through my Mum's legs when she was on her way to the dining room with a tray loaded with meals - the lot would go up in the air. He once leapt up on the counter in the kitchen and stuck his foot in a jelly. He used to come in soaking from early morning walks on the beach and charge up the stairs, throw all his weight against a bedroom door and burst in and leap up onto the beds which contained snoring guests!!

Strangely enough, we were full every summer! Some people used to come back year after year, and I'm sure the antics of the dog had something to do with it!!

My brother's a carpet fitter. He had a dog who'd go to work with him in the van.

He'd just finished fitting an expensive cream carpet in a living room, and was surveying his good work, when his dog (happy in the garden all afternoon) ambled in.

He ran around a couple of times, then squatted down (you know that thing that dogs do when they've got an itchy arse), and left a 10ft skidder right in the middle of the carpet.

Love it, Desiderata!! I bet that was the last time he went to work with your Brother!!
The Cocker Spaniel we had - my Mum was once on those HRT patches, and she couldn't find her patch for a couple of days. We eventually found it stuck to the dog's arse!! I could write a book about that dog!

My friend has a dog who she recently said "went off his head" after eating half a packet of Pro-Plus.

When I was 16 I used to walk my mum's inane jack Russel, as an excuse to parade past the rudeboys hanging round in the carpark in their cars.

Mum's dog used to run around and brings sticks for me to throw, as I stood chatting to the lads.

One day he brought me back a used condom. I had to rugby tackle him to the ground and wrench it out of his mouth - with my bare hands.

Dh's old dog (enormous black lab) once walked up to a lady sunbathing on the beach, gave her a bit of a sniff and then turned around an proceeded to produce the most enormous turd about 10cm from her head! We couldn't even apologise properly as we were laughing so hard!
Another time, he stole an entire loaf of bread from the shopping bags left on the floor of the kitchen floor. We didn't know where the bread had gone for a few days until it reappeared, still in its plastic bag, hanging half way out his backside. The enitre loaf was still in there just a bit squashed!

Brilliant, SweetyDarling - very funny

Our old dog used to eat the gusset out of dirty knickers and leave the remains lying around on the living room floor. Bloody hell, dogs are disgusting really!

I'M ALMOST TOO EMBARRASSED TO EVEN CONFESS THIS ONE .
I CAME HOME FROM A RATHER MERRY GIRLS NIGHT OUT AND QUITE TIPSY MY STAFFY BOY WAS SOOO PLEASED TO SEE ME BUT AFTER STROKING HIM LOOKED DOWN TO SEE THAT HIS 'LIPSTICK' WAS OUT AND HE WAS MAKING THIS RATHER LOUD CONTENTED GROANING NOISE SOUNDED A BIT LIKE BARRY WHITE .
After a while i realised that his 'lipstick' was still out, so in my slightly drunken state rang the vets who calmly told me that i needed to run a bath for him,get some soap and a rubber glove NOW I DONT KNOW THE PROPER TERMINOLOGY FOR THIS PROCEEDURE BUT IN MY MIND THAT EQUATES TO WANKING YOUR DOG I WISKED HIM STRAIGHT TO THE VETS THE NEXT MORNING WHERE WITH A SHARP SCAPAL AND LOTS OF GAS HE HAD HIS NUTS CHOPPED BRINGS A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO THE TERM ANIMAL LOVER. LOL

OH I love mbarrassing dog stories. Imust tell mine.

DH was once sitting with a cup of tea, on teh sofa. Our black labrador shook himself and a small white ball of stuff flew from the end of his cock and landed "plop!" in DH's cup of tea

How I ROFLd

At a very Sunday-broadsheets-and-9-quid-latte cafe, I saw two beautifully groomed golden labs 69ing each other.

Everyone except me and my husband politely buried their noses in the supplements. We screamed with laughter. Because they weren't our dogs.

pissed up a jahovis whitness (sp?) leg when they came to our door.