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Original poster

Please don't laugh - cat loss

31 replies

shortchanged69 · 19/05/2019 20:42

Hello.
I am so sad. I lost my cat and had to have her put to sleep.
I don't seem to be able to get over it.
Every night I cry. I know I probably appear to be mental. "She was a cat" they say.
I have a fabulous family, children, a good life. But I loved her so much and watching her die - at my own instruction, has ruined me.
She was terminally ill and would have died a few days later naturally, but I have chose for the vet to put her to sleep. It as the most awful thing I have ever seen in my life.
I told my doctor who smirked at me and tried to suggest it was other reasons causing this pain. It isn't other reasons.
Does anybody else get that upset over a pet? Or am I just nuts?

OP posts:
Number3or4 · 19/05/2019 20:45

I don't have a pet and I still think it is normal to grieve for a beloved pet. She was part of your family. Sorry for your loss FlowersFlowersFlowers

rosydreams · 19/05/2019 20:47

I had a cat from the age of i think i was 7 or 8 he died at 17.That cat had been with me through the toughest moments in my life i mourned him like any other member of my family i had lost.You did what you had to and need time to mourn

Leah2005 · 19/05/2019 20:48

So sorry for your loss. You are right to grieve - she was part of your family. Be kind to yourself - take your time and know that it will get better. You did the right thing to help your much loved pet.

WhiskersPete · 19/05/2019 20:49

They are part of our families. Sorry for your loss

Original poster
shortchanged69 · 19/05/2019 20:51

Thanks @Number3or4.
She was a really wonderful part of my family.

OP posts:
Absolutepowercorrupts · 19/05/2019 20:52

No, you're definitely not nuts. You loved her and you had the courage to do the right thing by her, it's completely normal to cry about the loss of a pet. I could still fill up with tears about my dog, he died in 2003. This is a loss of a life that was important to you, not a laughable situation at all. 💐. You did what was right for her. Time doesn't heal all wounds but your grief will become more manageable. You are allowed to grieve for her.

AutumnColours9 · 19/05/2019 20:52

Yanbu it's a family member. I've cried over many pets.

looondonn · 19/05/2019 20:54

Poor you

I am so sorry 💐💐💐

Aimily · 19/05/2019 20:55

She was part of your family, of course you are grieving! No one can tell you how you should feel, it's personal to you! And laughing is the last thing I think anyone here would want to do at your post, more like hug you!!
Think of the happiness she bought into your life xx

loveliesbleeding1 · 19/05/2019 20:56

You are absolutely not nuts,you grieve as you would do for a person, you loved her as much as you would a person.Let yourself be sad,it’s ok to be sad and upset xx

EileenAlanna · 19/05/2019 20:56

I'm a life-long cat lover from a family of cat lovers going back many generations. There's nothing strange about feeling their loss so deeply. Grieve for however long it takes. It'll get easier with time as every loss does but don't apologise for your feelings. So sorry for your loss Sad

NoodlingAlong · 19/05/2019 20:57

Of course you’re not nuts. A loss of a much loved pet is a grieving process like any other. I am already dreading the day DCat dies. I know I will need a few days off work and I will be too embarrassed to tell them why. You take your time OP Flowers.

Beautiful3 · 19/05/2019 20:58

I'm so sorry for your loss. No you're not crazy, you lost a member of your family. You need to grieve as he/she meant so much to you. I lost our cat recently, he was 14 years old. I cried non stop and couldn't eat for three days. I'm not crazy, I grieved because I miss my cat and feel guilty that he died (through no fault of mine). Let yourself cry until there are no more tears. You will start to feel better in a few weeks and will start get over your loss, I promise. Sending you hugs.

Thismumlikesart · 19/05/2019 21:01

Grief is grief regardless of whether it's a loss of a person or animal. You loved your cat like you would love a person so of course it's ok or even "normal" to grieve like this.

I have lost several cats and dogs since childhood and the loss of them has felt the same as loosing a close family member. Of course some people would find this silly, or may feel insulted but that's because they don't understand how it feels for me. I have always been mindful of this and only really shared how I am truly feeling with those I know would understand and wouldn't judge.

Sorry for your loss Thanks

Original poster
shortchanged69 · 19/05/2019 21:02

Thank you everybody. you have made me feel less crazy (as I sit here in tears).
I really appreciate your comments very much.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 19/05/2019 21:02

Have a look on the bluecross website they have a great section on pet bereavement.

You did a very brave and selfless thing for your cat but the emotions that come with that decision cut deeply and you need to be given time to process this.

You know deep down that you did the right thing. Hold on to that.

Don't let folk trivialize your grief. The relationship we have with our pets is a complex one and when we can no longer do anything for them that is deeply painful.

Igmum · 19/05/2019 21:09

So sorry for your loss OP 💐💐 and yes, this is entirely normal. I'd be gutted to lose either of my moggies

MedalMedalMedal · 19/05/2019 21:13

I’m so so sorry Flowers

Nobody should ever be thought nuts for loving a cat (or any pet) and grieving for its loss. Your unhelpful smirking gp sounds horrible and should have understood.

We have 2 cats and I’d be exactly the same. Pets mean the world to many. They’re only small but they give so much and are irreplaceable. People that can’t understand are worse off for never having experienced the joy they bring.

MatchSetPoint · 19/05/2019 21:18

I’m still mourning a year later, my dog was my best friend he was like a child to me, I think about the big lump everyday and it makes me want to cry. I think you are totally justified to feel like you feel, as time passes you will feel Less teary but still in pain I think the loss of an animal stays with you forever.

Deafdonkey · 19/05/2019 21:24

Agree and also I think when it's our decision it makes it harder. I really struggled with the guilt, it hurts so much.

Original poster
shortchanged69 · 19/05/2019 21:25

It is nice to know that other people have been through the same thing or at least understand.
I think the worst thing was the vet saying she would be on cloud 9 with the ketamine drug they gave her and she looked the opposite like she was in hell, frothing and growling even though she was supposed to be paralysed and in ecstasy.
I shall not go into more detail but it was more like something from my worst nightmare rather than a peaceful passing
I appreciate everybody's comments so very much. I am glad there are other people who care as much as I do about pets.
Flowers

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 19/05/2019 21:29

You're not nuts. At all. You've every right to grieve for your pet. I've done so, several times.

Please take comfort in that you did the bravest and best thing for your lovely cat at the end of her life. You did the right thing & there is no need to feel guilty at all.

I'm so very sorry for your loss Flowers

Oh, and a big unMumsnetty because I think you need one.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 19/05/2019 21:30

I think the worst thing about losing a pet is that nobody quite understands why you're grieving so much (unless they too have grieved for an animal.) I was devastated when I lost my cat when I was 18 and I couldn't imagine being happy again! Funnily enough she cane up in conversation with my mum today (20 years later!) and we were remembering her with affection, because she was / is a member of the family.

Your feelings are totally normal! I'd just feel sorry for the people who dismissively say "oh it's just an animal" because they obviously haven't experienced the bond that you have.

wildgirls · 19/05/2019 21:31

I’m sorry for you. Feeling like her last moments were a struggle for her is an awful thing. When I sadly had my cat put to sleep he lashed out and bit down hard on my hand so instead of holding him peacefully it was quite the opposite. That was 10 years ago and it still makes me feel awful but I know that in all the moments just before and for all his life he was loved and felt safe. Your cat will have felt the same and you’re not crazy to feel desperately sad. Take good care of yourself x

RevealTheLegend · 19/05/2019 21:32

I am not a crier. I’m old, I’ve lived through a whole load of shite in my time. I’ve stoically endured the funerals family members, family tragedies, illness ...

The only time in my life I have ever cried openly in front of other people is when we lost our gorgeous cat.

Yr GP is a nob. Pets are so, so special.

So sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself. X