Getting out first dog together. Advice. AIBU?

[autumnleaves15]

Hi all,

My partner and I have been together for 4 and a half years and both of us have always owned dogs growing up but there are no dogs in either family at the moment.

We'v just bought our first place and it's a flat but we were looking to get a dog next year but wondered if anyone currently owns a dog in a flat?

The flat is surrounded by woodlands and fields to the back in a lovely estate with paths and grass. My mum lives less than a mile away so I was going to speak to her about caring for the dog when we're at work as she has a house with a fenced off garden and also has a large grass area nearby.

Does anyone dogshare with their family in this way? Pros and cons? We would pay for all of the dog's costs and think the company would be good for my mum during the day.

Also, any recommendations for breeds? We were thinking a miniature cockapoo.

Do you have a balcony or anything? I imagine it would be a massive pain in the arse if not going out for toilets all the time.

Also be careful with breeds that are fashionable like cockerpoo as they are often bred at puppy farms. If you're going to get one do lots of research and get on the waiting list for a proper breeder. This can take a long time and the breeder might decide you are not suitable in a flat.

To be honest I wouldn't consider it. I would be waiting until you had a house with a decent garden.

We have our first family dog now (5 years in). I wouldn't have a puppy in a flat, housetraining is going to be a nightmare.

Even our 5 year old dog is in and out the garden several times in the evening, probably marking rather than peeing. You would have to commit to walking the dog last thing before bedtime so it can toilet and stay out until it does (in the dark, rain, wind, snow) EVERYNIGHT 7 DAYS A WEEK FOR 10-15 YEARS or more, or until you have a garden. And then once you come in and 15 mins later they are standing at the door again to get out you wont know if they need another pee or not!!

What is the setup for the flat? Do you have a communal garden? How many flights of stairs?

Technically being in a flat isn't an issue if you have spaces to take the dog for a walk close by. However, logistically you need to think about whether you are happy to go outside everytime the dog needs a pee or a poo in all weathers at all times. Are you considering a puppy because I can't imagine trying to toilet train a puppy in a flat.

Also are you happy to go outside in the middle of the night if the dog has a poorly stomach? I have had awful nights where I had to take mine out every hour to poo because he was unwell. I was very grateful for no stairs and a private garden.

As for sharing the dog with family I don't see a problem unless you are not on the same page training wise etc.

For cockerpoos you really do need to read up on the cons of each breed. Getting a cross breed does not mean you get the best of each as you could get the worst. How would you feel having a cockerpoo which was intelligent but had a strong hunting instinct and was bouncy with no off button (I have a cocker).

I'm not fussed about the cockapoo being a 'fashionable breed'. Looking for a dog that is gentle-natured, small enough to cope with living in a flat (it will be well-exercised), not prone to shedding too much fur. Breed recommendations are welcome from those of you who do have a dog and live in a flat.

The flat is 2nd floor with a communal stairwell. My intention is to walk the dog before work each morning and drop it off at my mum's on route. The dog will have the run of the garden all day as often as it likes. I intend to walk it each night for a longer walk when I get home from work and take it down again to do its business before bed.

My main concern is the bathroom training as we don't have a balcony.

My friend got a puppy (small breed) last year in a flat which is quite a few floors up and has managed to train the dog not to wee in the house.

A colleague recommended a cockapoo as she gives hers a short walk (10 mins) in the morning and one longer one (20-30 mins) in the evening and says their temperament is excellent. She does live in a house, though.

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. Food for thought over the coming year.

10mins + 20-30mins is not enough daily exercise for gundogs, even ones with a twee name which is a combination of two gundogs.

Even if they have unlimited access to a garden?

I've had small, energetic dogs all my life with my family and two of my own in a house previously who were fine with 1 hour total exercise on the average day, a bit more on weekends.

I don’t think exercise is your problem here but convenience. I occasionally take my two labradoodles to my flat in town with no garden and it’s a royal pain in the butt. They have been housetrained for years but are used to going out when I get up. So in the flat I roll out of bed to go to the loo early and they think they can go out - so I have to get dressed and take them out for a walk. Then another then another then a final one at night. At home they can go out in the garden until after the school run for their walk , or if pouring with rain I can wait a bit knowing they’ve been out. It’s just so much easier with a garden. I’d never get a dog without direct access to a garden. How about a cat?

With no balcony and no communal garden I would not consider getting a dog in a flat, especially with stairs. You are going to have to use puppy pads (yuk and bad for toilet training) or have accidents.

The only way I think this would work is to have an adult dog who was happy with a very fixed routine so could hold it until you could walk it. Even then are you absolutely sure you would get up and dressed and take the dog for toileting several times a day. Standing in all weathers waiting for them to go whilst they ignore you and have a sniff because something is more exciting?

When I am feeling ill or the weather is terrible I can open the door and watch my dog from a window. In your situation I would have to get dressed appropriately and go outside and then hope he does it and not stand about sniffing. For me that would be an absolute no.

Hey @autumnleaves15, when I first had my puppy I lived in a second floor flat in London (no garden or balcony). We lived there about a year before I moved into a house with a garden. Like you I also took my dog over to my mum's on the way to work in the mornings and this set up really worked for me.

He's a mini schnauzer. In the beginning I did have to take him outside several times a day to go to the toilet and sometimes he didn't go at all and I'd have to try again later. I also used puppy mats in the house alongside taking him out and apart from the odd hit and miss (he'd stand on the edge of the mat sometimes but aim his bum/leg off of it!), he was very good at using them indoors. But I made sure 80% of the time he went outside with a quick walk to get things moving.

He did struggle to hold his wee all night until he was about 4 months old and sometimes I'd have to pick him up first thing in the morning and take him straight downstairs as otherwise he'd wee wherever he could as he was desperate. I'd say having and toilet training a dog in a flat with no outside area is doable however it does require a lot of effort for you to keep going outside, in all weathers, especially when you're ill or just knackered after work (I lived alone). After about 6 months we probably only needed to go outside 3 times a day (in addition to his usual walks) for the toilet, the rest of the time he was either at my mum's or it was the weekend and we were out and about anyway.

He's 3 years old now and he goes toilet three times a day, first thing in the morning, once in the afternoon and once in the evening. More often than not he usually goes when out walking with me and rarely goes in the garden (so a garden isn't essential really!) Don't be put off, if your dog has never had a garden to go in, he's not going to miss it and will quickly get used to going outside on the pavement, park area (mine liked going in the gutter especially with lots of leaves) but you just need to be consistent with going outside and giving them plenty of time, especially if they don't go on that particular toilet run.

I would move out of a flat if you want a dog so bad. It is bordering on cruel keeping a dog in a flat.

As a crossbreed, cockapoos can vary greatly in temperament, so your friend having one that's quiet does not mean yours will be. I know several that are complete hyperactive nutcases. Maybe if you specifically need a quieter dog you should look at a purebred where traits will be more reliable (assuming an older rescue dog is out of the question)

Firstly a cockerpoo needs way more exercise than 40 minutes a day.

Toilet training a puppy in a flat will be a nightmare. They need to go out after playing, feeding, drinking and sleeps as well as every half an hour in between to make sure they’re trained properly and in a reasonable amount of weeks.

I’d be looking at adult greyhounds which I know are mentioned a lot on here, but I can’t think of another breed that would fit with your requirements and wouldn’t mind being in a flat. Low shedding, happy to laze about after a good run, really lovely dogs.

Does your DM actually want to be a ft unpaid dog carer though, never mind everything else?

My mum lives less than a mile away so I was going to speak to her about caring for the dog when we're at work as she has a house with a fenced off garden and also has a large grass area nearby.

Actually just noticed that actually your mum hasn't mentioned having a dog. What happens if your dog doesn't like being left alone for long (puppies can't be left alone for long initially and you have to get them used to it gradually). Will your mum get upset at being tied to the house? What's your backup plan for if your mum decides that's it's too much for her later down the line or if she is too ill to do it? Can you afford dog walkers and daycare?

Boston terriers are small with a lovely temperament and easy to train. They don’t bark much at all unlike a lot of small breeds.

Cross posted with rookie about your mum.

Even if she agrees now you need to consider her saying no later as puppies and dogs can be very hard work.

No one should be recommending a Brachycephalic dog breed. It is insanely cruel to force dogs to live painful and shortened lives due to human ideals of cuteness.

So you want a dog but your mum to do most of the looking after and in effect training as its there most of the day, and what if she goes out for the day or to the shops or visits a friend - she'll have to deal with the dog learning to be okay on its own....

Thanks for all your replies.

To be clear, I mentioned this to my mum a few years ago but I've been renting and unable to actually have a dog. I would, of course, discuss this with her before making any decisions. My mum is always at home and doesn't go out, other than to the local shops twice during the week. Any other time she goes out it's with me. She might enjoy the company.

@pearlheart3 thanks for sharing your experience of having a dog when living in a flat.

Thanks for everyone else's comments and recommendations.