It was only a bloody cat......

[Novacane]

So why am I sat here in tears nearly 24 hours after my Dad rang me to say that he had to have her put down yesterday morning.

My Dad got her for us after my Mum left us when I was 9, it was something for us both to focus on and nurture I suppose. She was a gorgeous and welcome distraction in some pretty difficult times, and company for my Dad when I was doing the usual teenagers thing.

My Dad adored her and is devastated and feels horribly guilty for making the decision as it was a case of, put her out of her misery now or medicate her and she could last a day or a week or a month sort of thing. He says he feels empty. She was 16 or 17.

We are both soppy buggers as you can probably tell.

He couldn't face being with her when they did it or to take the body home, again hes feeling horrible about that too.

I love my Dad so much, and don't know what im crying most for, him or the bloody cat.

Love you Smudgexxx

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We had the dog cremated and have his ashes in an nice engraved box - I think it was around £150 at the time (three years ago).

dogs are more expensive than cats as it goes by weight. but there are lovely wooden caskets and scatter boxes available. you can have a photo on some of them. very special xx

Just phoned his wife, she doesn't think the ashes thing is a good idea and would only drag out the suffering. She says he's ok and has gone to work, and that it will just take time.

hmm. Not sure I agree but don't think I would go against what she thinks and don't want to approach my Dad as it will upset him too much. hmm.

Will have a think this afternoon.

Right.

Have decided not to try and get her home, am worried it will upset him even more. It was his decision to leave her there and I don't think I'll do any good by interfering..

Ive stopped crying as much, but mainly cos my face is sore!!! ah, no, tell a lie, I'm at it again.

Thanks all you guys for the support and the ideas. Im trying to find all my pics at the moment and im going to see if I can get one of those frames that you can put different pics in for him, maybe leave it a month or so first.

I just wish I could take away some of his hurt and guilt, but we all know its fades in time, blah blah.

And I now realise, she wasn't just a bloody cat, she was as much a part of my family and childhood as any person.

I've really got to get myself together now, I've wasted a day and my poor DS (2y10m) doesn't know what to make of it!

Thanks again, I love mumsnet!

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Aww, she was a cat, but she was a special cat. I'm nearly crying for her too - cats are good for filling a human shaped space when someone special is missing from your life. (We had child substitute cat!) In a while a new one will turn up that needs your dad's kindness.

Firstly, Novacane, hope u & dad feeling better. My 1st cat was called smudge, i also had to leave her with my dad when i moved to London, and she died at ~ 18yrs. Dad found her dead on his doorstep one day. Although was almost 20yrs ago, i still think of her . But now i remember the happy things, and that will happen to you and your dad, i promise. Shouldn't take 20 yrs though!!!
On a selfish note, wanted to say hi to ohsmellyjelly & dionnelorraine (if still following!). I'm also a vet nurse (on ML at the mo). Nice to meet others, feel a bit out of the loop.
OSJ, dh and i are moving to Truro in July. I'm hoping to go back to work part time. I qualified about 13yrs ago (i think, so long ago i can't remember), and also hold D32/33. At the risk of being cheeky, do you think i'd have a problem finding p/t work around Truro/Falmouth?? Am hoping we are such a rare breed that this shouldn't be a problem! Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry for long hi-jack

oh novacane, feel so bad for you. don't know how i'll cope when my cat from home dies. i've had him for 13 years and just got kittens when i bought my first house last year and one of them has gotten lost one of the first times he was let out. posted rainbow bridge for sparkler1 on her thread so will do the same for you. hope it helps a little xx

Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Well we've stopped crying- just, and Ive managed to speak to my Dad on the phone without breaking down, we had to leave each other alone for a couple of days cos we would set each other off!

I've been better since I went to work (I work the latter half of the week), more to take my mind off it I Suppose, But bloody hell CRY?? I've not cried so much ever.

I've got 3 cats myself and I'm wondering whether its a good idea! Don't know if I could go through that again!

Feel desperate for sparkler and the poster that lost her dog today, much love vibes heading your wayxxx

Hope you dont mind me posting this, but I have lost 2 cats to the road, one right in front of me, and a friend sent me this, after a few days and i thought it so beautiful. cats are so aloof and yet amazing, really magical.

Poem For Cats

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.

Author Unknown

oh Pirategirl, thats lovely!

When I can manage to read it without sobbing think I will give a copy to my dad.

thankyou, what lovely words.

We had to have our cat Pernod put down over a year ago and i still miss him. Even now when i go to my parents i still look for him out the back door . I have a lovely photo off him with a black cat statue to remind me of him
Sorry for your loss xx

Hi Novacane, I'm really sorry for the loss of smudge. I myself had to take the decision to have my 11 year old cat Mac put to sleep 14 months ago, so I can totally empathise with how you must be feeling at this time.
I can only second all of the sentiments that are already on this thread but and I really don't want to cause you any further upset or grief but to some extent is it also possible that your grief is maybe being compounded because you associate smudge coming into your life at a time when your mum left?
I don't know if today you have any contact with your mum and I sincerely hope my post will not upset you further but to some extent is it possible that through the death of smudge (which would be heartbreaking regardless) that a lot of emotions have been stirred up for you because in some way her death has brought you back to revisit how you were feeling once again as a young girl?

Novacane, the last thing I want to do is to upset you further I just felt from the opening lines of your op that your grief was as I have said possibly tied in with the
feelings you may have had when your mum left.
Anyway the point of my post is that this was something that struck me and well I just wanted to say that I truly hope you find healing and peace with time.

Ps
Thankyou for your post Novacane,through your post, that beautiful poem posted by pirategirl (Btw thankyou pirategirl)helped me too.

Oh yeah, I can definately identify with that, The emotions were very raw for a good 48 hours and all over the place, as I said to my Dad, Smudge going is defintely the end of an era.

Saw my Dad today, hes fine but says hes lonely. He said he looked up in the sky last night to watch the moon eclispe (He got the wrong night, but theyre minor details lol)
and he thought about her up there, he says he will feel lonely for a long time. (he does have a DW by the way but im sure he loved the cat more, I don't blame him)

My cats were all parading infront of him and loving him today, im sure they were hoping he would take one of them home! He says definately no though, he couldn't go through this again. Which is a shame because he has a hell of a lot of love to give.

He needs some time, Novacane.

It's just too soon right now and it wouldn't be fair on the new cat.

She's only just gone and the grieving may take some time.

can definately identify with feeling the emotions as I did when I was young MI5, I was hysterical and crying like a baby for ages, DP has not ever seen me like that and it freaked him out a bit, dont think he understood!

When we lost our first cat, (ex and I), it was grief beyond grief, it was such a shock and he was really young. he was a really wierd human cat.
The shock stayed for months. But that very wek another cat came into our lives and needed love and a home. i just couldnt seem to give her itto beginwith, but slowly when i saw her progress i felt we had done the right thing.

Cats eh !!