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Original poster

Getting our puppy back

15 replies

jenk1 · 30/07/2006 20:55

We bought a lhasa apso puppy last Nov, however it all got too much with both DS and DD at home all day both are SN and the dog wasnt getting looked after properly so we asked FIL if he wanted him.

DS broke his heart, but we thought he had got over it but he has been depressed ever since and the child psych says its because he.s missing his best friend-the puppy.
So DH decided to talk to his dad and tell him that DS is depressed and that we would like the dog back (we havent transfered any paperwork and no money exchanged).
FIL not very happy as we expected and suggested that the dog stay with them one week and us the next but as DH explained that wouldnt work with DS.
FIL said "you,ve put me on the spot now with his girlfriend as she is attached to the dog"

DH left it that FIL would talk to his girlfriend about it but we want them to realise that we are definately requiring the dog back as DS is getting more and more depressed but we dont know what to say.
Any suggestions anyone?

TIA

OP posts:

misdee · 30/07/2006 20:57

when you gave the dog away did you make it clear that it was a temporay situation?

Original poster

jenk1 · 30/07/2006 21:02

we just said we would see how DS coped with it and we thought he was but he was bottling it all up inside as kids with ASD do (but you know that already, i dont need to tell you about ASD )

We didnt know until a couple of weeks ago when the psych told us and we had a chat with DS tonight and he started crying and telling us how much he misses him.
Feel awful on FIL and girlfriend as they too thought DS had got over the pup.

OP posts:

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 30/07/2006 21:04

one week with you and one with them wouldn;t work for the dog either - they need a boss. what did you say when you asked if fil wanted him? did you say that it might only be temporary? Is there a chance of some compromise? you could arrange for your ds to visit regularly - specifically to visit the dog, take him for a walk? Or could you have the dog one day a week? If you couldn't cope with the dog f-t a year ago are you sure you could cope now? are things really so different? a one or two day a week arrangement might suit everyone - you don;t have the pressure of owning and looking after it, ds gets regular time with it.

misdee · 30/07/2006 21:04

it could be very tricky. i mean it has been a long time. dd2 holds things close to her heart for ages, and can recall stuff that happened before her second birthday.

i would really try to explain to DS that puppy now belongs to FIL but he is able to come and stay every other week. can ds take the pup for a walk as well? do they live close enough to do this?

Original poster

jenk1 · 30/07/2006 21:12

thing is we have done all this, taking DS down so he can play with the puppy he gets more upset, and the other week we had him over night and he was distraught when we had to take him back, the child psych has told us to either get him his best friend back or wait and see if the depression lifts but in his opinion children with ASD dont get over things like this, in hindsight we should have thought about this more carefully but we didnt know he would be so attached to the pup.
Our family situation has changed in that DD is now in full time nursery so there wouldnt be the conflict between paying her and the pup the most attention.
Its a really sad situation whichever way you look at it someone loses out, is an adult who has had the dog for just over 2 months or a child who doesnt understand the concept of his dog being someone elses and is very depressed.

OP posts:

DogMum · 31/07/2006 16:52

Hi jenk1. I wonder if you have thought about what is best for the dog in this situation? Rehoming can be very unsettling for a dog and he needs to know where he stands. It might be easier to reconcile your son's needs with your FIL's girlfriends needs, if the adults can all consider the situation from the dog's point of view. Your dog has already been moved once. I'd think very carefully before putting him through that again.

I hope you all manage to come to a happy compromise and that your son is able to come to terms with whatever you decide. btw - friends children with ASD do seem to have an affinity with dogs.

CountessDracula · 31/07/2006 17:18

Surely your ds's needs are greater than your FIL's girlfriends.

I think your FIL is being selfish tbh. Howver you can't take the dog back and then not look after it properly it's not fair.

Will you be able to get a dog walker or something to ensure that the pup gets exercised etc?

PsychoFlame · 31/07/2006 17:21

If the dog will be properly cared for when he comes back, then I think your FIL is being an arse. We gave our dog to the man down the road (known him for years), but after 24 hours realised that we had made a terrible mistake. The man was very very kind and returned him to us.

I don't understand how someone can watch a child distressed

batters · 31/07/2006 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

jenk1 · 05/08/2006 10:15

hello, not been on MN much this week.

Our situation has changed so much, when we had the puppy a few months ago i had DD at home full time who has cerebral palsy and takes a lot of my attention up i also had DS at home, he has ASD and he demands a lot of attention and the poor puppy was missing out.

Now DD is in special needs nursery full time and DS is so much better in himself, apart from the
depression

We now have the puppy back, FIL and girlfriend relented so CHE is back with us.
He gets taken for 2/3 walks a day and he is very happy, he hasnt cried or pined and his tail is always wagging!!!

DH found out last week thqt the puppy hasnt been treated very well by FIL, he,s supposed to be on a special diet as advised by the vet and when we got him back his coat was matted and greasy, his face was orange FIL told DH that they have been feeding him 11p tins of spaghetti hoops and he has had the runs for over a week but they didnt take him to the vet or anything.
So the night we got him back i phoned my mum who has a dog exactly the same and she cooked a big batch of the food that he used to eat with us and now after a wash and some good food he is so much better.

DS is so happy, we have let him sleep with the dog for a couple of nights while he settles back in, the dog is a delight to have back.

OP posts:

cupcakes · 05/08/2006 10:25

spaghetti hoops??

glad your ds is happy again.

Original poster

jenk1 · 05/08/2006 11:21

I know cupcakes, it beggars belief and dont forget kebabs
He,s a full pedigree lhasa apso, he,s only supposed to have a bland diet as recommended by our vet, DH is taking him to the vet soon to get him checked over.

OP posts:

DogMum · 05/08/2006 11:34

I'm really pleased for you jenk1. It looks as though you've sorted out a solution that's best for everyone, especially the dog. Enjoy.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 05/08/2006 12:35

if I'd have known about the hoops I'd have recommended you marched right in there! - that might sound a bit like I think the dog's more important that your ds, (having been more reticent before) which of course I don;t - just that that "uncomplicates" the situation iyswim. sorry but how can someone claim to love a dog and feed it stuff that will make it ill and malnourished. am really pleased all round for you. I hope your ds enjoys having his puppy back.

Original poster

jenk1 · 05/08/2006 13:05

im glad you all agree with me because when i said spaghetti hoops to FIL he said YES, as if i was the one with the problem and i was starting to think that maybe i was overeating.

We only found out about the treatment of the dog this week from DH brother who had visited FIL last week, had we known we would have marched back in there and stolen him!!!!

OP posts:

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