Fed up with my dog and feeling guilty

[Sugarmag]

We sent our dog to the kennels for a few days while we had a painter in and I just kept thinking how a)quiet the house was b)how clean, free of dog hair and muddy footprints it was. Now he's back and he's driving me crazy. It's not his fault - he's really a very, very good dog. But he barks like mad if he sees, hears or imagines anyone outisde, goes nuts whenever anyone comes to the door, is always begging DH for walks even when he's just been, casts constantly (365 days a year) and has totally wrecked my living room sofa because he prefers to sleep there instead of his own bed. Plus I have to clean and hoover the front hall sometimes several times a day if I'm not quick enough to wipe his feet when he comes in the house. I've put plastic mats in the front hall and taught him to let me clean his paws with a towel but he still manages muddy footprints at least once a day. As for the sofa, I could keep him off of it and only let him lie on his bed or the floor but then I feel so mean.

I know these are all the things that come with being a dog owner and I signed up for all these responsiblities when I took him from the rescue home 6 years ago but it is really, really starting to get me down. Do you think it would be truly horrible of me to try and find him a new home? Some days I think to myself, no he's my responsibility and I could no sooner give him than I could a child because it would just be plain wrong. And other days I just wish someone would come and take him away for me (someone nice of course, I wouldn't want anything bad to happen). Anybody been in a similar situation and if so what did you do?

I have sympathy with the muddy footprints - we currently have building work and the dog constantly tracks in muddy footprints - even more than the kids and DH.

But - I have to say - you took on the dog - you need to deal with him. The only reason I would get rid of him is if he is a danger to the kids.

Be firm about the sofa - can you really afford to allow the dog such a luxurious bed ? As for barking when people come - can you try and find a behavioural trainer to help train him out of it.

He thinks he is protecting his pack - you need to train him to realise he doesn't need to.

What type of dog ? The pestering for exercise may be more a mental stimulation thing - eg collies are very intelligent - need lots of exercise but need even more importantly mental stimulation - so play games with him - eg hide some tiny nibbles in the house and let him find them.

He's a lab/collie cross and probably doesn't get enough mental or physical exercise. We got him BC and had loads of time and energy for him. He used to get a chance to run outside and play with other dogs at least 3-4 times a week and we were always hiding doggy chocolates for him and getting him to find them. Of course now we have two children and I'm afraid to admit he comes much lower on my list of priorities. The runs are down to about once a week (if that!) and we don't often just play with him. Of course we still let him out a couple of times a day to do what he needs to do but he doesn't get much exercise from that and he now has to make do with the occassional cuddle or pat. I know he's not getting enough attention or stimulation but there just aren't enough hours in the day anymore.

As for the barking when people come, I know he just thinks he's protecting us and in some ways that's comforting but it's also difficult when people come here who don't know/like dogs. DS has a little friend who comes to play who's terrified of him and it's always a juggling act to make sure she's in a different rooom from the dog. In the summer it's not too bad, the dog can just sit in the garden but I don't like to leave him outside when the weather's bad.

Also, I would only give him away IF we could find someone who wanted him and would look after him. I would never just abandon him or even send him back to the rescue home, that would just be cruel.

I know exactly where you are coming from - we have a collie too - and now 3 young kids and I can honestly say in the last few years she has missed out on attention and sometimes seems very depressed as a result. We have made a concious effort to play more games with her indoors, and get out on a good walk at least 3 times a week (not so easy in the winter).

I think the mental stimulation is at least as important as physical exercise (particularly with intelligent dogs) - although you need to do as much exercise as possible as well. Can you get the kids involved in hiding things for the dog - are they old enough ? Can you get into the habit of all going out for family walks a few times a week - preferably with off lead time ? Can you see things improving over the next year or so ? If not - then you probably do need to find another home for him - probably someone with older kids, or a couple with no kids - but definitely someone who knows about dogs.

The intelligence is a problem with collies - that is why they are by far the highest dog in rescues - people see them on telly doing clever things and think they are easy to train and have - but actually they need lots of stimulation.

another game our dog loves is tug - something the kids are starting to do with her - luckily she only pulls gently with them - but they all love it and have hysterical fun.

Also - throwing the ball for the dog - or rolling it in the house - keeps them all occupied for a while.

I think when you take on a pet it is a big commitment and getting rid of them for a bit of dirt is a bit mean sorry I know what you mean as i took in another cat (we had 2)and it is much messier than the other 2 and has peed here and there etc which I have found annoying but we ttok her and it is our responsibility now although I do relish the days when I wasn't cleaning non stop My other cats are older and not so messy they just sleep!

I know, you're both right. And throcket, the kids are now 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 so the situation is improving. There are fields just behind our house so DH or I can now take the dog and both kids down there for a bit of a run around - good for all three of them really. With the early nights though this is only really possible at the weekends. And yes, I probably could teach them to play some games with them, although not sure about tug - he's pretty strong!

I still feel bad for him though, he does seem to get depressed (can a dog be depressed?) and he DEFINITELY doesn't like it when I shout at the kids - I think he gets more upset than they do. He slinks away. In a way it's good though, when I see him do that it reminds me to take a deep breath and lower my voice.

And one of these days the kids will be old enough to do the cleaning and dog-walking - I just need to keep reminding myself of that!

hang in there - it will improve - as long as you make a consious effort. My kids are the same age (nearly 3 and 4.5) - and it has got much better lately.

Take the kids and the dog over to the field and run around - throw balls, play chase etc. Great for everyone. Even 10 minutes before tea would be worth it.

Having a dog is such a positive experience for young kids - teaches them to respect other animals. Get them involved in caring for him and everyone will be happier.

But set the boundaries - get him off the sofa .

And yes - I do think they can get depressed - ours certainly looks happier now than a year or so ago (when out twins were babies and toddling it was much harder to give her time and attention).

you're right - getting the kids more involved is probably the way to go. We don't usually give him his dinner until after they go to bed but maybe we'll try moving his dinner time up so they can help me feed and walk him before their bath. Thanks for understanding!

with the barking - maybe you can retrain the behaviour - get him to bring you something when he someone comes - ie - get him to have another way of warning you rather than barking.

I think if he got more exercise he'd be more manageable. Having said that, if you genuinely can't fit the exercise in, I think it's a lot better for him to find a new owner who will exercise him a couple of hours a day (which imo is what a collie/ lab cross needs - my friend's a dog-walker and she does 4 hours a day dog-walking - very impressive pedometer score!) than to keep him in a family which can't cater for him.

Also, can you not get other members of the family to clean up after him? Perhaps you're feeling depressed about him because the whole burden of looking after for him/ caring for him etc. is all down to you? Can it not be spread more evenly across the family? I know the kids are young, but even at 4, your oldest can be taught to empty the food bowl at dinner time or whatever. And make sure your DH does some of the boring bits about looking after a dog, like the cleaning off mud, not just the nice duties like taking him for a walk!

With the barking thing - do you raise your voice at him to shut up?

My mum's dog used to yell the place down if somebody even passed the front door, let alone if any post came. Problem was that my mum used to yell back at him to try and make him shut up, but it made him do it all the more, cos he got the attention from it. My mum bought a really good book a few years ago (can't remember the name, but can dig it out if you want it), and it explained all about how a dog should behave in a house, where it stands in the pecking order etc. Ever since we followed this woman's tips, Toby has improved by leaps and bounds, plus he's not so jumpy/nutty anymore.

A good tip for exercise is (if you have a garden), you can buy these large plastic balls with a couple of small holes in them (they're only a couple of quid). Fill them with biscuit dog food, and show your dog that food falls out if he pushes it around. Keeps Toby entertained for ages in the garden

Now all my mum has to figure out is the whole fur shedding thing! Toby's a Saluki x, and he's got really long and fine hair, but he sheds like mad! Maybe try a grooming mitt - stroke the dog a few times over, a couple of times a day, and that should pick up the worst of it.

HTH, and good luck.

Thanks for the tip about the plastic ball - I remember seeing those ages ago but thought it would make too much mess in the house and didn't have an enclosed garden at the time. But we've since put a fence round the garden (mostly for the dog's benefit) so that sounds like a great idea.

As for the shedding - we do brush him several times a week. It helps a bit but he still sheds like crazy. He's got a very short coat but because his fur doesn't grow long at all it just falls out all the time! I think the only thing I can do about that is keep him off the furniture and hoover the floors regularly.

I do know where you're coming from, we had a lab collie cross for 8 years before DD1 came along and things definitely changed after that because he wasn't centre of attention any more. However, he always got 1 or 2 on lead walks a day, complete with buggy, and 1 of us would take him for a run whenever we could. He died shortly after DD2 was born but DD1 who was 5 when he died and is now 14 still talks about him fondly (so does DD2 even though she doesn't remember him). Don't under estimate the positive aspects of having a dog. I didn't entertain getting another one at the time but now am getting "broody" for one, inspite of the dog hair, walking in all weathers, poop scooping etc etc.

That's just it sylvm - ever since I left my parent's house I was "broody" for a dog. We went and got this one the day after we bought our house. I grew up with dogs and always loved dogs. I also am very aware of the benefits of having a dog in the house with children - I would hate to have children who were afraid of dogs or other animals. I just don't think I ever fully realised growing up what it was like to be a "dog owner". A bit like having children then! In other words, no one tells you what it's really like til you have your own.

Actually I'm feeling a bit more on top of things now - i think I was just having a bad day the other day and it was easy to take it out on the poor dog. Although I am adamant that he now stay off the sofa!

maybe think twice before the next one though.....

I'm sure it will get easier as your kids get older - I know there were times, I just didn't have time in my life for our dog and he must have wondered why he didn't get as much attention as he used to.

I am probably going to sound harsh but, why can you not take him out attached to the buggy? I have 2 dogs, 1 is a springer spaniel X Sataffie who is 1 tear old and the other is a 4 month Staffie puppy. I have 4 kids the youngest being 2 and I have them both on the pushchair one each side for walks on a daily basis.

It is possible although takes some getting used to and I have found a harness works better than a lead and stops pulling so they walk really nicely attached to the puschair.

Only thing is we take up the whole path

Can your dh not take him for late walks? Fair enough if he works hard but again it is possible. My dh often works till late but still walks the dogs as late as 11pm.

As for the furniture I am glad mine don't shed a lot coz they have the sofas too although we have throws on ours which I was every other day.

I do completely sympathise with the muddy paws though, My poor kitchen floor will soon be washed away it gets cleaned so much

Oops sataffie = Staffie!!

we have a staffie/collie x who loves exercise, my mum bought her for christmas a ball thrower, its a long plastic arm with a cup at the end which fits a tennis ball, its brilliant and allows you to throw the ball a great distance, if your dog is good at retrieving things it is perfect.

A perfect thing to buy for a energetic dog IMO

How anyone has carpets with a dog is beyond me I must say. Our ground floor is all wood, when we moved in was cream carpets which I ripped up after a week as they were so muddy!

If your dog needs more exercise can you not pay a dog walker?

i have a 10month old jack russell, hes a lovely dog but i shouldnt have got him with a 1year old ds as well.my elder son is really good and walks him in morning and at teatime but the dog is hyper and doesnt settle down unless hes taken on a walk/run for a whole afternoon, impossible. he barks like mad when hes put out in the garden in the morning and im waiting for the neighbours to complain. im being positive thinking once ds is walking itl be easier for me to take him to park/woods etc. wish id never got him tho

I found the dog walking easiest when dd couldn't walk, at least I could push her in her buggy while walking (you need a 3 wheel jobby)

hes the sort of dog who wants to charge around the woods and dig big holes so not really pram accessible. i shouldnt moan really, he is good and doesnt chew any of ds toys!

CD, our ground floor is part laminate, part slate and part carpet. Our dog hates the laminate - he skids and slips like Bambi, even when sitting down. We have pale stone coloured carpets, which he loves to roll on, so are constantly vacuuming dog hair. They are cleaned once a year to keep on top of the grime, but we accept the hair and dirt as part of owning a dog.

One reason I will never buy anything black velvet - dog hair!

Yes our dog loves the woods too, our 3 wheel buggy can cope with most terrain!

Once walked round Derwentwater with a 4-wheeled Maclaren - a few muddy bits it needed carrying, but the rest of the way was fine.