I sometimes wish my cat would dissappear (might be tmi for some)

[Ponka]

Long story. Our cat is an indoor cat. He is incontinent and we have to squeeze him over the toilet 2 or 3 times a day (wee and poo) because he got ran over when he was 6 months old. At the time, the vet gave us the choice to either have him put down or try and cope. We couldn't have him put down because of our inconvenience so we said no. We have to keep him in the house because if he goes out, he catches things and eats them and makes himself so poorly he yowls. We then have to take him to the vets and pay a few hundred pounds for him to be de - bunged. At home we give him special food and keep him in to keep things moving (sorry for tmi!)

Despite squeezing him, he has the odd accident and we have to clean up after him. I was worried when DS was born about this but it's not been too bad, we clean up really well straight away and keep him in the bathroom with the vinyl floor when we are out. I wonder if it's cruel to shut him in sometimes and he does cry sometimes but it's only like being in a cattery, really.

Just recently I've been finding things so hard. My MIL comes to our house to watch DS every Friday while I work. A couple of months back, she was watching him when the cat escaped from the house. She went out to try to catch him and he attacked her viciously. She went to our local drop in centre but things were so bad she was sent to see a hand surgeon in hospital. She had lots of punctures through her nails and some of the bites/scratches were so bad on her hands that fat was coming out and not blood. They were going to keep her in overnight but in the end they released her. She's O.K. now.

A couple of days back, the cat attacked DS, who wasn't even really provoking him and scratched him on his foot, not really deeply like my MIL but badly enough.

I'm just at the end of my tether. I do love my cat but I find myself more and more wishing he wasn't around and I feel very guilty about that.

I really don't know what to do and if anyone's actually made it to the end of this message and has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. If nobody has, well, at least I've let off some steam! DH seems to think I shouldn't feel like this and gets wound up when I talk like this to him, probably because he's worried that I'll say I don't want him in the house any more but I don't think I could ever do that to him, he's a lovely cat, really.

OMG Fennel. Someone else with an incontinent cat. Do you have a DH/DP and, if so, were you of the same opinion about giving the cat to the lady? My DH is VERY strongly against anything other than keeping ours. There's big arguements if I even suggest it.

I know where you guys are coming from who feel differently towards their cats. I still love mine a lot but since having DS, I am aware that I do feel differently, somehow. I guess I have experienced the "motherly bond" now and it's kind of hard to have that with a cat! However, I still love him and still feel a heavy responsibility towards him. We took him into our house as a cute kitten, for better or for worse and he had an accident in our care meaning he now needs extra care. That's why this is so hard.

I dont think the scratching incidents as they stand warrant "the long walk" it sounds like the cat is probably been frightened by both victims.
Cats are very independant and as far as they are concerned they grant petting rights to the lucky few. I'm sure DS has a better understanding of the cats personal space now.
I wish Emmy our youngest cat would be a bit more assertive with DD as I have discovered a 'resigned to her fate cat' being used as a floor mop a couple of times by DD.
I'm not saying I want DD to be scratched but It would make her think twice about using poor moggy as a chew toy while no ones looking.
Your cat doesnt sound on peak form all the time, a sick animal and a curious child are occasionaly going to come to blows.
If however, said moggy, has dicovered the balance of power in the house can change if he sharpens his weapons on the inhabitants then it may be time to consider the options.

I would of course get him checked at the vet to make sure he isnt in pain that's causing him to react badly.

hi Ponka

dp was just a visiting boyfriend when I had the incontinent cat. she was the most adorable cat apart from crapping all over the place, basically. very tough on the carpets. i couldn't have put her down at this point but actually, passsing her on to a soft-hearted retired woman was a cop-out, as then this woman's carpets etc were ruined, she couldn't go away from home for years as the cat got too stressed, etc. it was a relief all round when the cat died recently of old age, many years after initial incontinence.

In retrospect, seriously, i think she should have been put down years before. she couldn't live outside, far too nervous, but was just not a suitable house cat. none of us could face it when owning her, but from a distance, it was the only sensible solution, i'd say.

I've had cats for years, and have always got them from rescue homes.

When we had our children, our cat, who we'd had as a kitten, became so jealous. He started to poo everywhere, and was also nasty to our dds - final straw was scratching one dd's back badly for no reason. I felt horrendous guilt for getting her rehomed (the cat, not the baby!), but she went to an older lady who had no small children, and was perfectly OK.

I also had to have the most beautiful cat put to sleep when he had bowel problems, which sound similar to your own cat's - he ended up not being able to go to the loo at all and, although he was not in physical pain, was having to have a general anaesthetic to get his bowels emptied. These sessions became closer and closer together, and I knew that a daily general anaesthetic wasn't a good idea. It was kinder to let him go. I still feel choked about it, and it was years ago.

I agree with everyone else about getting your cat checked by the vet to rule out any problems, or just to ask for their advice on a course of action. However, I also think that you cannot afford to let your ds get hurt by your cat. My dd is still nervous of cats, despite the fact that we still have them. You could also ring your local rescue centre to see whether your cat is likely to be rehomed (I have rehomed supposedly "unrehome-able" cats!)

Hi Everyone,

Just an update.

I went to the vets and they said that Gizmo looked healthy and happy to them. I had a little chat about the scratching / biting and the vet spoke once again in the same way. That I could have him put down but it would be for us more than for him because he is fine. He also said that if we make sure we cut his claws once a week, he couldn't do much damage to DS and this would be fine because he is an indoor cat and doesn't need them.

DH and I had, once again, some pretty bad arguements about the situation when I brought it up. I'm not very good at arguing and he always seems to end up doing most of the talking.

Cheers to many of you for mentioning a trip to the vets. Even though there is nothing wrong with him, I now feel a lot better about the possibility of harming DS because we can keep his claws right down.

In the case of my MIL, she was chasing him outside to catch him and perhaps she hurt him in some way when she caught hold of him. I'm sure he wouldn't go for DS like that inside. He normally bats claws in but there was just this one instance of a claws out swipe on his foot that I was worried about. There's been nothing at all since my post.

So we've decided to keep a close eye on the situation and keep him for now, although if problems resume, there's always the possibility of re - homing him to look into before the absolute worst case scenario.

personally I don't know how ANYONE can put a healthy cat down. Yeah the cat may have attacked people on a number of occasions but does that warrent ending it's life..????

DH & I had a cat who I now believe was wild. She was worse than polka's cat. Anyway due to moving home etc my mum "adopted" her from us. She is still the same as before but is so attached to my mum and mum is the only one who can stroke her etc. I think what I'm saying is that there are other options available before you opt for the obvious.

Before I start getting abuse please note this is my opinion which I am entitled to.

No, I see where you're coming from shhh. I'm an expat, and whilst we spay/neuter animals at 8-10 weeks (it doesn't affect their growth at all) and many cat owners keep their animals indoors only and yes, have them front declawed, a vet won't put down a healthy animal.

following on from expat...would a vet put down a healthy cat..??? I didn't think this was a good practice..??

Ponka I can sympathise entirely, we had a cat ( Lucycat's sister) who was knocked down when she was a year old and smashed her pelvis, she had to have a tablet twice a day and some paste stuff squited i her mouth to prevent her from being constipated. we had to have her 'unbunged' too and the general anaesthetic was really tough for her. She evntually got to the point where the vets were discussing doing an operation to remove some of her colon, she had something called mega colon where part had died, and when her bowels gave up, the vet simply said that if it was his cat then he would have her put down - that was what we needed to hear tbh.. I sat and cried in Wacky Warehouse when dh took her to the vets.

We kept her hanging on in the end more for us not her and the scratching incident was just like ours, if she didn't feel great then she had short fuse, hope you can resolve this as it is tough for the whole family.