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Original poster

Help...problems with dog and dp, advice needed, sorry long

16 replies

LittleB · 06/10/2005 14:56

We have two rescue dogs, both collie cross, one aged 13, Scamp, who I got 7 years ago and one aged 4, Marley, me and dp got 3 years ago. I also have a 4 1/2 month dd. I'm having trouble coping with them all and worry that it will get worse when I go back to work part time in January. The main problem is our younger dog, Marley, who is really dps dog. He's very affectionate but also very lively and alot of work. I walk them every day, with dd in the sling, dp comes with us most weekends, but its getting harder as dd is getting bigger because Marley isn't good on a lead, he pulls alot, and launches himself at other dogs and people, I've got a pulled muscle in my neck because of this. I also find him hard work around the house as he follows me everywhere all the time, and is difficult with guests as he trys to jump up, get on their laps, and playfight with them, if I shut him out of the room he whines. When i go back to work, 2-3 days per week I don't know how I'm going to find the time to give him good walks. It was ok before I had dd as I could easily walk them before or after work, but thats going to be harder with dd, especially as I'll have to get her ready and take her to childminders etc. I've tried to talk to dp but he says he can't help walk them as he's out at work from 6.30am to 5.30pm, although this is what he agreed we'd do when we got him. He seems to think I should manage, he won't try and train Marley, and says if we take him back to be rehomed he'll never have another dog. He won't try and train him either. He says its my fault, partly because its because of dd that I can't cope and he wasn't bothered about having a dd, I had to persuade him. I could cope with just scamp, as she is much calmer, easy on the lead, and fine around the house, and doesn't need as much walking as she is elderly with arthritus. We've considered rehoming Marley in the past, he took ages to housetrain, and was then very bad at chasing livestock, but I' don't know what to do now. Should I try and train him, get dp to help more, wait and see how it is when I get back to work, stop moaning and cope like dp thinks or find him a better home? Help, I'm feeling desperate, I hate the idea of failing him and falling out with dp, but I need to do whats best for all of us. Sorry its so long.

OP posts:

meggymoo · 06/10/2005 15:05

Message withdrawn

Easy · 06/10/2005 15:06

If Marley is dps dog, then dp should take responsibilty for him, and if he won't, then Marley has to be re-homed, it's that clear-cut. At 4, I don't see that Marley can't learn better social skills, but that does take effort and time, and with your dd you don't have the time and energy, we mums all know that.

I would say that collies aren't the easiest breeds to live with (my sis has 3, their house is total bedlam), as they do need loads of exercise and attention.

I'd give him an ultimatum. Either HE finds a way of coping with Marley (I used to take my dog to work with me, but she was a quiet and polite dog), or Marley has to go.

Good luck

PreggieMum · 06/10/2005 15:06

Could you look into using a dogwalking service temporarily?

expatinscotland · 06/10/2005 15:08

If these dogs are not neutered/spayed, please look into having this done ASAP! Have you seen 'It's Me of the Dog'? Have you seen the behavioural differences in the dogs, particularly the males, once they're neutered?

Original poster

LittleB · 06/10/2005 15:15

They're both neutered/spayed, both were done by the rescue centres before we got them. Although a collie cross Marley did seem very calm in the rescue centre before we got him. We walked him there several times before we got him, but as he settled in and got his confidence he seems to have got more boistrous. I will look at that other thread now though. I would like dp to take responsibiliy for him really, but don't think he will. They can and did come to work with me occaisionally, but only occaisionally. I'm not sure how he would be with a dog walker, there aren't really professionals around here as it pretty rural, just school kids and i wouldn't trust him with them. money is tight too.

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleB · 06/10/2005 15:22

Can't find that thread, expatinscotland, when and where was it?
thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleB · 06/10/2005 15:22

Can't find that thread, expatinscotland, when and where was it?
thanks

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 06/10/2005 15:24

It was a TV series, not a thread. Just finished last night. 'It's Me or the Dog'.

Freckle · 06/10/2005 16:00

Could you advertise for a teenager to walk the dog(s) for a small fee? There are loads of them out there that would love a dog of their own but can't have one and would probably give their eye-teeth to take one for a walk, let alone be paid for it. They might even manage to train Marley for you.

Original poster

LittleB · 07/10/2005 09:43

Thanks for the suggestions. I don't think I'd be happy for a teenager to walk him. He is a handful, very difficult on the lead, and does need watching around strangers, he isn't openly aggressive but does jump up and try to playfight sometimes. He could easily knock over and hurt a child if he wasn't properly supervised. If I knew them it would be different but I don't. Last night we got a call from a friend who's just moved to the area and his wife is bored while she's job hunting, so she may come out for some walks with me and help with him, its only a short term solution but it will help.

OP posts:

LadyFioOfTipton · 07/10/2005 09:53

I have two rescue collies so can sympathise, one of mine is 11 ands the other is 3. i can be a nightmare cant it?

do you walk the dogs seperate? (I have to do this) I try to walk them in quite isolated places as not to bumpo into anyone!

Maddison · 07/10/2005 10:46

Hi LittleB, sorry I don't have any advice, only ((((hugs)))) and sympathy after also having a nightmare dog, as well as 3 others. We had to get rid of him in the end as he was too destructive.

hhhhenleyonthames · 07/10/2005 11:16

What about a halti? I had a large boisterous dog and could walk him with a halti with no problem whatsoever.

shhhh · 08/10/2005 21:26

littleb, sorry but not to sure if I can help you...The only thing I can suggest is to get him trained (mmmm not sure if I mean the dog or dp..??!!). Myabe if someone can train him for you now while you are off work to take the burden from you a little and to have an aim of the dog being trained by the time you go back.

You also need to sit down with dp and tell him exactly how it is. TBH whether dp wanted dd or not is besides the point, it takes 2 to make a baby and dd is here now. He needs to understand that you are not superwoman and that having a baby is enough work without 2 dogs. LOL!!!!

The suggestion about the TV programme "it's me or the dog" is a good one as the advice the lady gives seems really good. Maybe you could see if the need volunteers for the next show.??????!

Good luck & I will see how you get on, on the may thread.xx

Chandra · 08/10/2005 23:25

www.barkbusters.com, you pay a flat fee and they deal with all the problems of the dog throughout its life even if the dog goes to a new home. But, training is useless if you and your partner don't have the time or inclination to do it (after all, the trainers train YOU so the dog respect you, not the other way around). However, I believe that with the help of a trainer (and lots of consistency at home) the problem could be solved within two weeks.

I have two dogs that have had good and bad times, and the question of keeping them or letting them go comes and goes, I have done lots of difficult things to keep them but having read your post, I find it a bit selfish of your husband not taking more responsability for his dog, but even if it was your dog, remember that dogs are dogs, and their needs and requirements come second to those of their owners. I'm going through the same dilema atm, DS seemed to have developed an allergy to them. I want to keep the dogs so it's taking me an awful lot of time and work to keep the allergen levels in the house as low as posible, but as I said... it's me who wants to keep them so I do the work. I believe your DH also has to pull his weight if he wants to keep the dog.

Maddison · 10/10/2005 00:26

hi littleB i an maddisons dh we have three dogs and the youngest of them is boistrous and rather big i agree with hhhhenleyonthames using a halti would stop him pulling and eventually he will walk on a lead properly (with a little perseverance)the other side of his behaviour is that of protecting what he sees as the family pack if he is good mannered with dd then in my view you have no real worry i know with our dogs no one would ever be allowed to harm our ds's we cant even fun fight with ds1 without the dog getting in on the action i always come off the worst (all the signs you have described we see on a daily basis too)but once you read the signs properly its really reasuring. sorry its quite long winded but in a nutshell dont give up on him what hes doing is in his mind what is best for the family making sure your all safe

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